Should I escalate a staff member grabbing my son and calling him a liar?

[RHSDrama]

I was in a RHS garden today, in the restaurant at lunch with DS (7) and DD (3). It was packed. We were by the sandwiches and DS had chosen. I was bending down helping DD when I noticed a bit of a kerfuffle next to me and heard a MOS staff say DS “come with me”. I stood up and he had grabbed my sons arm and was leading him away, DS had gone a bit frozen and looked upset.

I followed obvs and they stopped a few feet away the guy pointed at a piece of Blu Tac and said “what’s that?” DS said “I don’t know, I’m sorry” and the guy said “don’t LIE you LIAR, throw your rubbish in the bin!” At which point I said something like “DO NOT speak to my son like that” and the guy sort of half ran away without meeting my eye.

DS, who is lovely and well behaved little boy was quite upset and a bit tearful, so I reassured him and got in the queue to pay. The MOS passed again and I stopped him and said “grabbing my son is completely unacceptable etc etc” and he said “don’t worry, it’s OK” then hustled off again.

Queuing up I was getting more and more aggy about it, especially the bit where he grabbed my sons arm to take him away from me... this very obviously a small child standing next to his mother??

So I spoke to the manager, she was apologetic and I saw her speaking to him. Five minutes later he was back out by the tables.

ANYWAY so sorry this is so long but I’m now wondering whether to email the garden to follow up? Or accept the that I’ve informed the manager and leave it there?

P.S the blu tac wasn’t my sons, the manager confirmed it was there to hold up a sign which had fallen off.

Definitely escalate, the leading away and the way your son was spoken to.

You were 'managed' to downplay it. Don't be downplayed.

I work for a similar organisation to RHS. The MOS behaviour was completely unacceptable.

I would absolutely email a complaint detailing what exactly happened, that your son was completely innocent, how the MOS dismissed you afterwards, how his physical grabbing of DS was assault. Make it crystal clear how serious an incident this was.

Then I would send it to head office. Not to drop MOS in the shit, but because it will then get handled by staff professionally trained in dealing with this kind of thing, who will see all the ramifications and safeguarding issues and will also be qualified to deal with MOS in accordance with employment law and internal policy. They will also be in a position to take learnings from this and deploy them across the whole organisation.

It's also possible that MOS is a volunteer. That opens a whole new can of worms and again is best dealt with by head office.

@morriseysquif you've got that spot on!

@MrsTerryPratchett yes my thoughts exactly and we’ve done that this afternoon.

I'd formally complain.

Do you actually know what the manager said to the staff member or just that they were speaking? For all you know she could have been reassuring him that he had nothing to worry about!

If she was reprimanding any one it shouldn't have been in view of anyone and if she didn't reprimand him why not.

Please bear in mind that he felt it reasonable to physically remove your child, touch a child he didn't know and to tell him off. And it turned out your child didn't do anything.

I think you should be invited back. He should apologise to your son. Lunch should be on them.

I would have put my fist through their teeth if someone had put their hands on my son.

This is entirely unacceptable. I'm usually part of the 'let it go' brigade but if you grab someone's child, drag them away from their parent and shout at them for something they have not done, calling them a liar, then you should expect to lose your public-facing job.

An incredible lack of self-control and boundaries for someone who will be dealing with annoying children all day long (not saying your child is annoying or did anything to deserve the treatment, but working in a cafe you do encounter lots of annoying kids and patience is necessary). I would escalate it, if only to reinforce the message that this is not acceptable.

I would be really angry at this

I’m now wondering whether to email the garden to follow up? Or accept the that I’ve informed the manager and leave it there?

I totally understand you are furious on DC behalf BUT what additional outcome are you expecting from an email?

I wouldn’t call it a safeguarding issue- just a staff training issue.the manager spoke to him, you commented that he was back out at the tables 5 mins later- did you expect them to send him home? Him to be able to stay in the back shame faced? Stick him on dishwashing duties? (so sending the dishwasher out to do duties they don’t know how to do ) or just have a Word then tell him to get on with his job?

What are you wanting from emailing them when his manager has already spoken to him?

They'll use their CCTV to deal with it. Be careful you don't get egged on by MNetters to exaggerate.

Telling a kid to stop littering ain't assault. Even if it's your kid. And not your litter.

Definitely take it further. I’d want him sacked

Telling a kid to stop littering ain't assault.

Grabbing them by the arm and pulling them is though.

Bloody hell! I would have hit the roof, how dare he even touch your son let alone call him a liar! Absolute fruitcake!

I’d be furious too. Definitely escalate this. I wonder if the worker had some sort of special needs?
You said he sort of mumbled and ran off.
But anyway escalate don’t be fobbed off

I think an email would be an excellent idea as it gives a paper trail and makes it more official. Whatever your child had done, and in this case nothing, there is no excuse for grabbing a child never mind taking him away from you .

I would escalate. Any unwanted physical contact constitutes assault. You simply cannot go around manhandling other people’s children, particularly not one as young as yours op.

Definitely escalate, please.

If this member of staff is so unaware of basic safeguarding principles and so strained in self control on the second day of busy half term, it needs dealing with before something more serious or explosive happens.

If they have staff who can't cope with the chaos of half term, they need to change rotas at least!

I would have been livid and spoken to manager. Your son will know that you stuck up to him and the man was wrong which Zi think is important. I would leave it there though. The manager may have had a quick word (which you saw) and then intended to speak to him further at the end of the shift. Not sure he should be sacked... what outcome go you want?

I would totally escalate this. What on earth possessed him (the MOS obviously)? I would want him sacked. How dare he!!

I would absolutely be emailing and taking this further. The MOS would not have done this to an adult so I’m not sure why they thought taking hold of a small child and directing them away from their parent is in anyway acceptable. Given that you were right next to your son they should have spoken to you both if there was an issue of any sort.

I would confirm in the email that the MOS was spoken to from the manager/team leader but say that the member of staff didn’t come over to apologies or clear up what it is that he believed your son to have done. I don’t see a small amount of blu tac warrants the way he dealt with your son anyway

If a stranger, staff or not took my son away I'd have at the very least throat punched him

If a stranger, staff or not took my son away I'd have at the very least throat punched him

Then, quite rightly, you'd be locked up for being a violent thug.

Where exactly was he attempting to lead your DS.. to the office to reprimand him? If he thought DS done something wrong why wasn't he looking around for DS parents? That is what I would want to know.

Also most of those cafes have lots of uncleared tables with "litter" on them at any given time, why the massive fuss about a little bit of blue tac?
The MOS replied dismissively when you questioned him and his manager put him back out on the floor five mins later. I think its fair to email RHS to let them know so it doesn't happen again.

I would definitely escalate. Nobody has the right to put their hands on your child in that way. I would have reacted very differently, I think you did well to keep your calm.

People trying to make you feel bad for "slowly" reacting or the well did your son put blue tac in the floor are idiots, you are right to ignore them.

I'm not sure what following it up with the garden will achieve as they would just pass it on to the cafe manager who you've already spoken to. That said, maybe writing to the manager setting out the issues in a calm manner would be beneficial.