Should I escalate a staff member grabbing my son and calling him a liar?

[RHSDrama]

I was in a RHS garden today, in the restaurant at lunch with DS (7) and DD (3). It was packed. We were by the sandwiches and DS had chosen. I was bending down helping DD when I noticed a bit of a kerfuffle next to me and heard a MOS staff say DS “come with me”. I stood up and he had grabbed my sons arm and was leading him away, DS had gone a bit frozen and looked upset.

I followed obvs and they stopped a few feet away the guy pointed at a piece of Blu Tac and said “what’s that?” DS said “I don’t know, I’m sorry” and the guy said “don’t LIE you LIAR, throw your rubbish in the bin!” At which point I said something like “DO NOT speak to my son like that” and the guy sort of half ran away without meeting my eye.

DS, who is lovely and well behaved little boy was quite upset and a bit tearful, so I reassured him and got in the queue to pay. The MOS passed again and I stopped him and said “grabbing my son is completely unacceptable etc etc” and he said “don’t worry, it’s OK” then hustled off again.

Queuing up I was getting more and more aggy about it, especially the bit where he grabbed my sons arm to take him away from me... this very obviously a small child standing next to his mother??

So I spoke to the manager, she was apologetic and I saw her speaking to him. Five minutes later he was back out by the tables.

ANYWAY so sorry this is so long but I’m now wondering whether to email the garden to follow up? Or accept the that I’ve informed the manager and leave it there?

P.S the blu tac wasn’t my sons, the manager confirmed it was there to hold up a sign which had fallen off.

@PrincessHoneysuckle me too. No adult should lay hands on a 7 YEAR OLD CHILD and verbally assault them. I think in this situation if op had slapped the man the police would have accepted she was shocked and afraid!

Oh god it does sound like a volunteer I would mention it in a polite e-mail to HO, if you cannot find the volunteer coordinator. Volunteers can be moved to a more suitable role or let go.

www.rhs.org.uk/get-involved/volunteer/roles

Out of interest - and it DOES NOT mean that the staff member is not totally at fault, I'm just wondering did your son pick off the blu-tac and fiddle with it and then throw or flick it?
Staff reaction way over the top but I'd like the whole story.
I would escalate and ask for a written apology.

He was an utter twat, escalate away!

@SoupDragon Going for someone who has just dragged your small child away makes you a thug? Hmmm... Good to know. I personally dont give a shit if its assault, I'm not going to wait and ask questions if someone effectively snatches my child in front of me.

I wouldn’t call it a safeguarding issue

I would. I would be horrified if this happened and would want it escalated. The outcome I would hope for is that the member of staff is moved to a different role where they are not in contact with children or any of the public for that matter.

The holier than thou attitude from some posters makes me sick sometimes. You've got every right to lash out if a stranger lays a finger on your kids out of the blue, and ask questions later. What is wrong with people.

I'd go absolutely ballistic, never mind writing a polite letter. Who the fuck did the bullying bastard think he was, grabbing a young boy by the arm and pulling him away from his mother to shout at him? In fact, he'd be lucky I didn't wait for him to come out of work one night and give him what for myself.

I would call the police. Yes I would. The management don't care enough if they just let him back to work and didn't even sit you down to apologise!

Call the police! The man could be a real problem if that's how he manages himself!

It sounds like you have escalated. You reported to the cafe manager. I dont think its unreasonable to email the garden managers to ask for reassurance that steps have been taken to make it clear its unacceptable behaviour.

I would have been furious and, like you, would have made a verbal complaint to his manager. The MOS's behaviour and language were completely inappropriate so I would also follow up with a formal complaint in writing.

No you reported it at the time, I would let it go

That's absolutely horrific, Op! Your poor DS! How confusing for him!

Please definitely esculate and let us know how they respond. That's awful!

I would be absolutely freaking livid. And I would 100% follow it up with an email, AND a review on trip advisor or whatever. That is NOT acceptable behaviour. For all he knew your son could have had SEN. Not okay on any level.

Thanks all. I have emailed the general email and said I would like to make a complaint about a member of staff and which email should I direct my complaint to, or if they would like to call me I have left my number. I have had an auto response saying they aim to respond to emails within ten working days so could be a while but I will aim to update you.

And I'm genuinely shocked at all the 'let it go' comments. He's 7. Just a little boy. No fg WAY does anybody get away with putting their hands on my child and calling them a liar. Just no.

Email them now and ask them to retain any ctv recordings then have of the incident. You will have to give times and dates. I am not from the UK but I assume it some kind of historical venue. Email the manager overall and ask for their manager email address. You can ask that the situation is reviews and that appropriate staff training is given.

I don't know what taking it further actually means in this context.

You can submit your complaint again by email, but the manager is under no obligation to share with you how she disciplines her staff.

I think I'd leave it. Leave an honest review anywhere you can.

I’d request that the staff member was removed from a customer facing role, whether than means redeploying or sacking. He cannot assault a small child and drag him away from his mother. It’s a huge safeguarding issue. The RHS is a charity so you can report them to the Charities Commission if they fail to take action (or can threaten to).

I would make a formal complaint, not to be vindictive but because the staff clearly need better training around safeguarding.

I realise I am late to this one, but this absolutely needs to be pursued. Totally shocking behaviour.

You also need to have a discussion with your son. His was a shocking incident and he needs to understand that no adult should grad him and lead him away.

I know you have taken a bit of abuse here, but you need to train yourself and your son that if someone grabs your child and pulls him away both of you scream blue murder until he is released and safe.

He should not learn from this that an adult can do this and I am shocked that any adult thought this was appropriated, they are lucky you didn’t call the police.

Yep take it further.

Going for someone who has just dragged your small child away makes you a thug? Hmmm... Good to know. I personally dont give a shit if its assault, I'm not going to wait and ask questions if someone effectively snatches my child in front of me.

If you think "throat punching" as a minimum reaction is acceptable then yes, you are a violent thug and an idiot. Simply grabbing hold of your child and shouting is all that is required.

Some people are getting a wee bit carried away. Call the police? And say what? A man made my (unharmed) child walk two steps away from me!?

It absolutely needs to be reported formally to someone higher up than the restaurant manager.

I'm a teacher. If a member of staff did this at school they wouldn't have long left in their job role. Grabbing a child (unless you are trying to get them away from imminent danger) is never ok, neither is a stranger demanding a child come away from their parent both verbally and physically. Verbally abusing a child by calling them a liar is not ok. Humiliating a child in a busy public space at all, let alone for something they haven't done? Again...very wrong.

This person needs better training if they are going to remain in a public facing role. I'm shocked anyone could think this was an acceptable way to behave!