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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered. WWYD?

999 replies

hangingabout · 28/10/2019 11:03

DH’s cousin and his new wife arrived on Saturday from the US. They’re only here until tomorrow. On Saturday afternoon, I had made lunch for about 20 people because other relatives came over to see them, but the wife went to bed after about one hour. All she ate was a tiny piece of roti and she was very quiet. Fair enough, I thought, she’s probably jet-lagged. Anyway, she has not been seen since! I’m not sure what to do now.
Yesterday morning, I made brunch but she didn’t surface. DH said to just leave a tray outside her door and knock. She didn’t answer, but the tray had disappeared later on. Then DH and his cousin were cycling all afternoon, but no sign of her. I asked the cousin if his wife was ok when they got back and he said she was “just lying down” Hmm and didn’t need any dinner. Then DH took him to the pub.
Today I was meant to be taking her out but still no sign. DH has gone to work and the cousin has gone to meet some business contacts. I have 3 teen / tweens here. AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 28/10/2019 11:05

Knock and say, "Can I come in? I'd just like to check you're OK".

1984isnow · 28/10/2019 11:06

AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

Can you check on her first?

jellybean85 · 28/10/2019 11:06

Sounds like she's ill or has bad jet lag, it can really get you, defo just leave a note and go out, if anything she will be grateful you've just carried on so she feels less of an imposition

Cherrysoup · 28/10/2019 11:06

Is she horribly anxious, rude, tired, bored? Weird. I’d say rude to stay closeted away and make zero effort, but she may be unwell. What does her dh say?

WellErrr · 28/10/2019 11:07

Surely you need to check on her!?

Lockheart · 28/10/2019 11:07

I wouldn't usually advocate going into a guests room but under these circumstances I'd suggest knocking and calling to her to give her some warning and then going in to see if she's ok.

Unless she's unwell it seems rude to stay in your room all day when you're a guest in someone else's house.

SuchAToDo · 28/10/2019 11:08

It's your house, knock on the door, and then go in and check if she is ok,

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 28/10/2019 11:08

I would go and check on her. Do you think she's ill?

EdHelpPls · 28/10/2019 11:08

That’s really strange. I’d prob go in to check on her but I realise this could probably be awkward. I’d just pop in to say i was going out in half an hour if she’d like a lift anywhere to explore with you or on her own?

cardamoncoffee · 28/10/2019 11:09

All she ate was a tiny piece of roti

I'm assuming you're Asian OP? If she's not jet-lagged she could be pregnant and doesn't want to say anything. I'd knock while the men are out and ask if she's ok or needs anything.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 28/10/2019 11:09

That’s odd.

MrsSpenserGregson · 28/10/2019 11:13

You must check on her!!!

Sceptre86 · 28/10/2019 11:13

It's your house so knock on the door and check on her. If she wanted to hide away and not socialise then they should have stayed in a hotel. On the other hand she may be unwell and a friendly ear might be helpful to her.

ThatsMyAddress · 28/10/2019 11:13

Is the time difference a lot? Could she possibly be awake all night and struggling to adjust

Or she could be extremely anxious/shy

isthismylifenow · 28/10/2019 11:13

Did she appear very shy when you met her at first? Or not well?

I would most definitely go and see if she is okay.

It is rather odd though.

Original poster
hangingabout · 28/10/2019 11:14

Thankyou. I did knock on her door just before I posted, but nothing. I asked the DH last night if his wife was ill and his response was, “Oh she’s fine, just lying down.” And then this morning, he was very bright and breezy and left about 8. No explanation about what she’s doing or what’s going on. I’ll knock again now - Thankyou!

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 28/10/2019 11:15

That is odd have you met her before not showing face is worrying knock on the door when the men are out as suggested and ask her to open the door.

Pumpkintopf · 28/10/2019 11:15

Yes I'd definitely want to check on her at this point!

Quartz2208 · 28/10/2019 11:15

Check on her

Though the male/female dynamics here are odd

AmIThough · 28/10/2019 11:16

If she doesn't answer tell her you're coming in to check on her.

stucknoue · 28/10/2019 11:17

Seems odd but perhaps she's unwell, very jet lagged, pregnant, they had a massive fight on the plane, even dv ... go ask if she's alright and that you won't say a word if she wants to talk. Extreme anxiety etc is also a possibility

anotherday4 · 28/10/2019 11:17

I'd knock and walk-in!

Schwibble · 28/10/2019 11:18

Perhaps there's emotional abuse going on? Just a thought.

Northernlurker · 28/10/2019 11:18

I would think pregnant or v anxious

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 28/10/2019 11:19

Knock again, ask her to come to the door and if she doesn't, loudly give notice you are opening the door and go in. She might need medical help.

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