I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered. WWYD?

[hangingabout]

DH’s cousin and his new wife arrived on Saturday from the US. They’re only here until tomorrow. On Saturday afternoon, I had made lunch for about 20 people because other relatives came over to see them, but the wife went to bed after about one hour. All she ate was a tiny piece of roti and she was very quiet. Fair enough, I thought, she’s probably jet-lagged. Anyway, she has not been seen since! I’m not sure what to do now.
Yesterday morning, I made brunch but she didn’t surface. DH said to just leave a tray outside her door and knock. She didn’t answer, but the tray had disappeared later on. Then DH and his cousin were cycling all afternoon, but no sign of her. I asked the cousin if his wife was ok when they got back and he said she was “just lying down” and didn’t need any dinner. Then DH took him to the pub.
Today I was meant to be taking her out but still no sign. DH has gone to work and the cousin has gone to meet some business contacts. I have 3 teen / tweens here. AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

You know, driven to look after my guest who had just flown in

God I would have hated that if I’d been ill in someone else’s house. Like it’s not bad enough not being in your own bed.

Maybe needing a change from her job was actually a MH problem. If she suffers from anxiety or has had a breakdown, then a houseful of virtual strangers would be hell, no matter how lovely they are.

I find it challenging enough staying with DH’s extended family in North Africa (who are some of the nicest people you could hope to meet) and I have no MH problems.

Ah. Cross post.

Did she seem hungry?

How bizarre that her DH seems to be acting like this is normal behaviour. I can't imagine turning up at someone's home and keeping myself in the bedroom for days unless she's ill or something, but even then surely her DH would say 'She's ill so will be staying in bed'? No explanation at all is very weird.

Maybe sit down with her DH and ask very directly, 'What is going on?'

Well at least you know she is alright maybe she is just really shy or even a bit of a diva and really rude but she is alive and seems well, it is still weird though.

hmm, given your update she is either rude, or sulking, or struggling with something eg early pregnancy and jet lag mixed.

You have offered support, and been nice. I would go out an leave her a note or something.

I would also be very clear to the dh that you don't appreciate being treated like a hotel by her.

Emotional abuse? Arranged marriage and she’s desperately unhappy/depressed/anxious? It is very odd I’d even say suspicious her husband is not concerned about her at all. Very very off.

Can’t believe people suggesting she was dead massive overreaction.
Pretty sure her husband wouldn’t be calm and breezy going out for the day if he’d murdered his wife and had her hidden in the guest room.

So possibly she's fine, but rude, but there's still the possibility of jetlag or other illness/health condition, extreme shyness or abused wife, but it doesn't sound like she's going to open up to you any time soon.

I wouldn't waste an entire day on a 'maybe later' in that case. I'd just go back up to her and say 'I need to pop out for a couple of hours, is that OK with you' and give her the option of going out somewhere together sooner or later, so you can get the stuff you need to do done, and not waste the whole day waiting round for someone who might or might not decide she wants to go out?

Has she been to the UK before? The mention of Harrods suggests that you're in central London, so obviously there's all manner of things that you could do together, should she want to.

I’d let my DH deal with this. It’s his cousin and his cousin’s wife. I would make sure she was well and then go out.

@QueenoftheDay I know it was awful. He was seriously ill, 9 hours from home and ended up with awful strep throat. Managed to get him to the drs on the 2nd day as OTC was doing nada, and then basically nurse him. He felt better the morning they all left.

Sometimes you just have to crack on instead of just wringing hands.

I would ask your Dh to quiz his cousin about ir or would your dh not do that.

Her responses do sound rude when you're being so kind!

I had hell staying with relatives in another country - I was 5 weeks pregnant and developing HG but didn't want to out myself with 3 previous miscarriages, I couldn't stand food, the smell of food or cooking.

The worst bit was that my relatives fridge broke and they were relaxed about leaving food and milk out at room temperature. I was freaked that that I was going to get sick and lose the baby

I'd check on her she might be hiding a black eye or worse, but my first thought was maybe she has social anxiety as you said she was quiet, perhaps she wants to come down but feels awkward, maybe going in and talking to her might help at least you'll know what the situation is. I wouldn't leave it though as she might need help.

I’d think hyperemesis or some kind of breakdown.

Zebraaa

My uncles wife will do this sometimes, when they visit. She is Moroccan and has family there, so will just stay in another room for ages on the phone with relatives, or she'll have headphones with music/shows on etc.

Sometimes I just see her to say hi and bye when they visit.

They married when I was a lot younger so I can remember meeting her for the first time, but I could really imagine her staying in a room for days!

Is there an en suite Op? Have you heard her being sick or anything?
This is very bizarre

I'd think MH issues. I think its rude of your dh and bil to leave you to handle it though. Bil seems fine with this suggesting its either ordinary behaviour for her or worse, hes part of the reason. Dh I assume also finds it odd and shouldn't beggar off out to have fun leaving his wife to deal with/sort it out .

I wouldn’t hang your plans on ‘maybe later’. If she’s not unwell, she’s being quite rude and I’d leave her to it.

Yes I will ask him when he gets back. Maybe she is depressed or something? It’s tricky because I don’t know her and she seems very shy face to face. They had the most huge, spectacular, OTT wedding last year over about three days. I’ve literally never seen anything like it in my entire life. People came from all over the world. She did look a bit shell-shocked at times, but who wouldn’t. Maybe the whole thing was too much for her, if she’s naturally very introverted. DH’s cousin is very kind though. No, it wasn’t an arranged marriage as such, but there were some introductions made no doubt, if that makes sense. They are both US born and professional people though. Thanks for the replies. I texted DH and he said to just wait and see if she comes down because that’s all I can do.

Have you got her mobile number? She might be more forthcoming over text if it is anxiety or something like that.

I certainly wouldn't be hanging around waiting for her to decide if she wants to go out later. Go about your day. Next time cousin wants to visit give him the number for a hotel.

My husband's coworker is from India, and she literally didn't leave the house without him for 4 months. Even now, 2 years later, she leaves the flat twice a week max. I found it really weird, but she doesn't seem unhappy. She's just a homebody.