I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered. WWYD?

[hangingabout]

DH’s cousin and his new wife arrived on Saturday from the US. They’re only here until tomorrow. On Saturday afternoon, I had made lunch for about 20 people because other relatives came over to see them, but the wife went to bed after about one hour. All she ate was a tiny piece of roti and she was very quiet. Fair enough, I thought, she’s probably jet-lagged. Anyway, she has not been seen since! I’m not sure what to do now.
Yesterday morning, I made brunch but she didn’t surface. DH said to just leave a tray outside her door and knock. She didn’t answer, but the tray had disappeared later on. Then DH and his cousin were cycling all afternoon, but no sign of her. I asked the cousin if his wife was ok when they got back and he said she was “just lying down” and didn’t need any dinner. Then DH took him to the pub.
Today I was meant to be taking her out but still no sign. DH has gone to work and the cousin has gone to meet some business contacts. I have 3 teen / tweens here. AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

A bit weird.

I think you need to go in and check.

Have you heard noises, footsteps, toilet flushing etc?

I hope she’s ok, this is very unusual behaviour. Maybe she is ill and doesn’t know how to get help in a strange country?

That's a long flight for such a short stay (assuming you're in UK). Does BIL visit often?

Do you think she just cba to make the effort for the sake of a day, if they're unlikely to visit again?

Even being ill, you would atleast pass a message on to the host!

I would knock, call her name a few times in a kind voice and if no answer tell her what I was going to do and then open the door.

It's very strange and could even be a cry for help. Do it while her husband is out.

If at all possible, start by hugging her. Poor woman. Whatever is going on it's not good.

If there's no sign of her in nearly 2 days, I'd be worried that she's either dead/seriously ill, or climbed out of the window and run away. Have you heard her moving around at all?

Definitely knock and pop your head in to speak to her/check she's OK. See if she wants anymore food and drink for a start.

I would definitley knock and stick my head around the door.

I think I might be a bit persistant, while the men are out. I would want to knwo if she really was OK.

I can think of loads of scenarios, including that they have had a big row, and she is refusing to talk to his relatives. It could be anything really. But just in case she needs help, I would be a bit pushy.

how new is the marriage?? Maybe she thinks she has made a horrible mistake and is planning to escape through the window?

It's all very strange, I mean meeting new family you'd want to put on a brave face and get to know someone surely?

Mind you I'd be a bit furious about the leaving a tray outside her room...it's not a bloody guest house I am running here. Have you got the tray back? ... that'd be an excuse to go in to collect the dishes.

Sounds as though she might have some sort of MH problem. My dsis had a bf once who couldn't eat with us. He had to go in a separate room to eat Christmas dinner.

I think I'd be going in to find out what on earth is going on, it sounds very odd to me.

I’d be worried about her.

Knock on the door, take in a drink and check she’s ok.

It could even be bad periods or something. Please go in to check.

When you say new wife, had you met her before this trip?

Make her some nice hot tea and toast

My exH did this several times when we went to stay with family/friends.

He was sulking.

I got on with things and was "bright and breezy" and determined not to let it ruin my holiday or let anyone know what was going on but it was horrible.

Not saying this is the case but it is a possibilty.

In this case the emotional abuse was coming from exH (although he would say it was the opposite) - stonewalling and giving me the silent treatment and leaving me to get on with things and make excuses for his absence.

You need to see her with your own eyes. If I was taken ill in someone's house of still make an effort to connect with them, even to apologise for being a nuisance.

Do the knock as you open the door thing. It's your home ultimately. You are allowed to go into the room.

Definitely knock and check

Very odd and also I'd find this quite rude weather she's unwell, bad periods, shy, etc. I'm shy. I would never dream of staying in someone else's house and ignoring them. She's staying in your house for free I assume.
Even if she is sick she could just say 'sorry Im feeling unwell and would like to stay in bed'.
She should come out if she wants to eat. You're not a hotel with room service.

If she doesn't answer the door and the door is locked, I'd be calling Police for advice if it was my house....! Purely as it's sounding more & more like a domestic abuse scenario such as she's 'not allowed out'

Nope. Not under my roof

Have you heard her going to the loo though?

Assuming the room does not have an en suite.

This is your house, take charge

Definitely see if she's OK.

Whatever the reasons it is just weird to go to somebodies house and not show face at all it is rude. The op isn't a hotel where it is fine to sit in your room for 2 days

Very, very strange. I would be insisting with the hubby that you see her and check she's ok. Now.

At best, it's extremely rude. At worst, she could be injured or sick.

I was going to ask if you've heard her leave the room for the bathroom?

I'd be wringing my hands outside the door just like you probably are OP! Well done for knocking. I second the suggestions to knock and kindly announce that you're coming in as you want to know she's ok.