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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered. WWYD?

999 replies

hangingabout · 28/10/2019 11:03

DH’s cousin and his new wife arrived on Saturday from the US. They’re only here until tomorrow. On Saturday afternoon, I had made lunch for about 20 people because other relatives came over to see them, but the wife went to bed after about one hour. All she ate was a tiny piece of roti and she was very quiet. Fair enough, I thought, she’s probably jet-lagged. Anyway, she has not been seen since! I’m not sure what to do now.
Yesterday morning, I made brunch but she didn’t surface. DH said to just leave a tray outside her door and knock. She didn’t answer, but the tray had disappeared later on. Then DH and his cousin were cycling all afternoon, but no sign of her. I asked the cousin if his wife was ok when they got back and he said she was “just lying down” Hmm and didn’t need any dinner. Then DH took him to the pub.
Today I was meant to be taking her out but still no sign. DH has gone to work and the cousin has gone to meet some business contacts. I have 3 teen / tweens here. AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

OP posts:
PlasticPatty · 28/10/2019 11:34

Check. If she's a very new wife, she might really be needing a friend right now.

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 28/10/2019 11:34

Christ time to knock and go in!

BlouseAndSkirt · 28/10/2019 11:36

Your DH also needs to talk properly to his cousin and check she is OK.

I would guess pregnant.

SpinneyHill · 28/10/2019 11:38

So her DH is off out without her in a new country and isn't concerned that she is in her room in a strangers house by herself?

That's weird

CherryBathBomb · 28/10/2019 11:39

How bizarre.

I'd knock and go in, she could be in danger? Really ill or something.

diavlo · 28/10/2019 11:39

Sounds pretty rude to me. I’d knock and announce that you are coming in, and i’d be asking her what the problem was!

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 28/10/2019 11:40

I would probably guess ill or pregnant.. But not unreasonable to knock and say you’re coming in to make sure she’s ok. She might be embarrassed, but she might need a doctor, so I think on balance it’s the right thing.

SavageBeauty73 · 28/10/2019 11:40

Just knock her and ask if she's ok or wants tea.

TheSecretJeven · 28/10/2019 11:41

I'd be knocking and taking tea in. Two days in bed with no sign of her? I'd want to know if I needed to call an ambulance or a taxi.

Sunshineboo · 28/10/2019 11:41

I would knock and if no reply go in. Say you are
Sorry to disturb her but starting to get
Worried.

It is your house and this behaviour is beyond odd.

DameofDarts · 28/10/2019 11:41

It’s very odd that your DH doesn’t seem concerned. Does he know something you don’t?

QueenoftheDay · 28/10/2019 11:42

Very odd. My guess is that she isn’t there at all. Unless you’ve heard her moving around. I almost hope that is the case as I can’t imagine she’s sitting in the bedroom for all that time for any happy reason.

Dontknowwhyidoit · 28/10/2019 11:42

Knock on the door and tell her you just need a quick word then go in. This isn't normal and surely if it's illness your husbands cousin would have said so. Just staying in the room without an understandable reason is bizarre.

ISmellBabies · 28/10/2019 11:43

I'd be quite worried she was dead tbh. If you don't get an answer through the door go and check. If you can't wake her call an ambulance. Very odd her dh is so unconcerned he's fucked off out for the day, wtf!

Pastnowfuture · 28/10/2019 11:44

Pregnant was my first thought. Extremely odd regardless.

Mummyshark2018 · 28/10/2019 11:45

Given the length of time I would knock and warn her that you were coming in. Explain your worry. I would be thinking either jet lag, pregnant of some form of spousal abuse. Why hasn't the dh just said 'x isn't feeling well' etc. Weird

bobstersmum · 28/10/2019 11:45

Her dh hasn't battered her or something has he and she's hiding because you will all notice?

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 28/10/2019 11:45

I’m with ISmellBabies on this. I was thinking the same.

Original poster
hangingabout · 28/10/2019 11:46

I took her up some tea and some toast and knocked. I asked if she was ok and she said “fine Thankyou”. I asked if I could come in and she did open the door. She is in a dressing gown and seems ok. Shr has headphones on. I gave her the tea etc and asked if she wanted me to take her round to Harrods or anywhere else because her DH had mentioned she wanted to go there while she was here. She said, “Maybe later”, but she said was going to wash her hair and she also needed to sort through her things. I don’t know what to think really. She is about 30, so not that young. She does seem very shy and awkward. She used to have a quite specialist job, but her DH did say she has given that up recently because she needed a change. She might be early-stage pregnancy. It’s just odd because I’ve known her DH for years and he’s super-sociable etc. He’s been here loads. It’s just strange that he’s not explaining why she’s not coming out, as if it’s normal. And I can’t really plan the day because I don’t know if she wants me to take her out at some point. I only met her at the wedding last year, so I don’t have much to go on.
Anyway, I’ll just see what happens I guess. They are going onwards to India so maybe she just sees this as a stopover break?

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 28/10/2019 11:46

Was this an arranged marriage?

zingally · 28/10/2019 11:47

You need to check on her.

Seriously, there is someone in your house that you haven't laid eyes on for nearly 48 hours. You need to check she's okay. And she hasn't eaten since a brunch 24 hours ago? That's weird.

AmIThough · 28/10/2019 11:47

In that case I think she's incredibly rude!

Lndnmummy · 28/10/2019 11:47

Is there a chance that her dh is abusive and she is unsafe?

sofato5miles · 28/10/2019 11:49

The lack of food and water would seriously worry me.

We had 10 guests stay last Easter. One took to his bed for almost a week (ill). I just knocked and walked in the morning after he arrived, as he hadn't got up, and I was concerned. You know, driven to look after my guest who had just flown in.

I cannot believe the procrastinating.

squeaver · 28/10/2019 11:50

I would just go out and leave her.