Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gender scan ruined??

186 replies

MrsHalli · 27/10/2019 19:23

Me and my husband went for our 20 week scan not wanting to know the gender so it would be a nice surprise at birth. We made it clear at the start that we didn't want to know the gender. However our sonographer came out and said 'I only know the sex because' it' got in the way'.... I feel like they have now ruined our surprise as I believe that makes it obvious it's a boy and they were referring to a willy.
Has anyone else been told this and been proven wrong?

OP posts:
hopeful3yr · 27/10/2019 19:26

Not at all. Girls genitalia on a scan looks like a "hamburger" (3 lines) and is obvious on the right scanning plain. The sonographer could have been referring to anything.

gwackywacky · 27/10/2019 19:26

In the kindest possible way....does it really matter?

Andysbestadventure · 27/10/2019 19:27

It doesnt mean anything OP. She meant the genetalia got in the way. Girls bits are huge in utero too.

PurpleDaisies · 27/10/2019 19:27

The 20 week scan is not for gender. It is to look for abnormalities and problems with the baby. Presumably your baby is fine? How about focussing on that?

hopeful3yr · 27/10/2019 19:28

Ps. I saw my boys willy over and over on our 12 week scan when they were worried something was wrong with him, as they scanned the cord it was blatant what he was. He turned out to be completely healthy.

Boyo7 · 27/10/2019 19:30

It's not a gender scan. There are lots of ways a 20 week scan can be 'ruined' - this is not one of them.

PurpleDaisies · 27/10/2019 19:30

You can’t have done hopeful. It wouldn’t have developed by 12 weeks.

AwdBovril · 27/10/2019 19:32

Apparently both the male & female genitals appear disproportionately large (to non-medical people, anyway), it's something to do with maternal hormone levels. Allegedly. Which is why they're relatively easy to see when you think that, at 20 weeks gestation, they'd be minuscule. So she could have been referring to male or female parts on a scan.

Try to stop worrying about it. Flowers

Lindy2 · 27/10/2019 19:33

Did your 20 week scan show a fit and healthy baby?

Assuming yes, then your scan was successful. Nothing ruined it.

Eemamc · 27/10/2019 19:33

I hope the anomaly scan went well otherwise, everything ok with the baby?

slipperywhensparticus · 27/10/2019 19:35

In the nicest way get a grip baby is healthy and yes I've known sonographer that said it was a much wanted girl only for it to be a boy

Theendofmyrope · 27/10/2019 19:35

First of all it is not gender but sex. Second.... to echo anther poster this scan is to check to make sure everything is ok. Is everything ok? Will assume yes as you are getting in a strop about the chance you may know the sex of your baby. YABU and being a bit silly over it IMO

Lauriestory · 27/10/2019 19:35

The 20 week scan is an anomaly scan, not a gender scan. How lovely that your baby is ok and has no issues that showed up on the scan.

The sonographer could have been referring to the cord being in the way or any number of over things.

I really wouldn’t overthink it.

HabbyHadno · 27/10/2019 19:35

We had a sonographer that kept referring to our baby as 'he' in the scan. We knew already were having a girl, but I came away saying that if we didn't know I'd think we were having a boy. So, sometimes they just say stuff and it doesn't mean anything.

ShitOnIt78 · 27/10/2019 19:35

Oh get a grip! Your ANOMALY scan showed a healthy baby. Be grateful and get over it, not everyone gets so lucky

onthecoins · 27/10/2019 19:36
Biscuit
AwdBovril · 27/10/2019 19:37

Although, to be fair, if s/he knew you didn't want to know the sex, it would have been better just not to mention it. Possibly a rookie mistake, but still not ideal. Sorry you feel like it's spoilt your experience.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 27/10/2019 19:38

In the nicest way possible, focus on the important parts; you're going to have a baby and so far it looks healthy and happy in there. Little bit of a refocus on that might ease your indignation.

Darkstar4855 · 27/10/2019 19:41

Given how many people out there are struggling with infertility and may never have a child, or who get pregnant and then have devastating news at their anomaly scan I would say YABVU to get worked up about something so trivial. Just be grateful for your healthy baby.

PixieDustt · 27/10/2019 19:41

YABU about what she said. I really don't think she ruined anything. She simply is stating she only knows because it got in the way she didn't go looking at gender etc.

However YANBU for being a bit sensitive. I was too in my pregnancy and I didn't find out either so know how you could interpret some things.

Moreanonymousme · 27/10/2019 19:41

Our sonographer accidentally told us after we'd said that we didn't want to know. She was so horrified and even gave us the complaint forms to fill in if we wanted them. Of course we didn't. We were just happy to hear that DS was a healthy baby! It really did not matter one jot.

WombleCock · 27/10/2019 19:42

@PurpleDaisies I found out the sex of my DD at 9.5 weeks and DS at 11 weeks, you absolutely can see. Penises are not fully developed but you can clearly see and angled appendage, and with my DD you could see her urethra was flat and the developing shape of her labia.
Private scans can let you know very early on, the NHS could but they choose not to for a multitude of reasons.

WombleCock · 27/10/2019 19:43

an angled*

Alb1 · 27/10/2019 19:43

It’s not ruined the surprise because you still don’t no either way. She could have meant that the sex being clear on the screen got in the way, as sometimes babies are in a better positions than others for seeing the sex, making it harder not to give it away when measuring other parts. So she could have been trying to measure a leg or something but the baby had it’s legs wide open meaning she could see it without looking for it.

And it’s not a gender scan, it’s an anomaly scan, it’s not to give you a nice surprise or keep a secret for you, it’s to check your baby is healthy as I’m sure you no. I think you are worrying about nothing here

Areyoufree · 27/10/2019 19:44

These replies are harsh. You wanted a surprise at the birth, and that was taken away - although listening to the other posters, it might not have been. You still don't know for sure, so just go with that!