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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gender scan ruined??

186 replies

MrsHalli · 27/10/2019 19:23

Me and my husband went for our 20 week scan not wanting to know the gender so it would be a nice surprise at birth. We made it clear at the start that we didn't want to know the gender. However our sonographer came out and said 'I only know the sex because' it' got in the way'.... I feel like they have now ruined our surprise as I believe that makes it obvious it's a boy and they were referring to a willy.
Has anyone else been told this and been proven wrong?

OP posts:
Avenilson · 27/10/2019 20:30

Also a couple I know were told they were having a boy, she came out as a major surprise.

butterflywings37 · 27/10/2019 20:30

I was told my baby was a girl and then I had a boy.

After that I was told at a scan my baby no longer had a heartbeat and after that in another (earlier) scan told my twins were no longer developing..... I'd rather have possibly been 'accidentally ' told what gender my healthy baby/babies were in both cases.

DuchessMinnie · 27/10/2019 20:30

@MrsHalli I get it and hope you can forget it and focus on your new arrival.

@PurpleDaisies my SIL was pregnant at the same time as me, but lives in Capetown while I live in the UK. I was 6 weeks ahead of her but she found out she was having a boy at the 12 week scan so way ahead of me. So yes I think you can know at 12 weeks.

Orchidflower1 · 27/10/2019 20:31

I’ve reported this goady thread but as the Op didn’t have the courtesy to respond she probably won’t realise.

smoresmores · 27/10/2019 20:31

If you want to dick about with surprises and 'gender reveals' you should pay for a -very affordable- private scan IMO.

codenameduchess · 27/10/2019 20:32

It doesn't 'sound like it's a willy' at all. It's a strange comment for the sonographer to make but could have been referring to either sex.

OP, i suggest familiarising yourself with the medical appointments you get from the NHS and what their purpose is.

Avenilson · 27/10/2019 20:33

@Mollie3 Ummmm if that’s the least of your worries congratulations

That's very unfair, she's entitled to ask her question, it matters to her.

amysaurus87 · 27/10/2019 20:33

Your first mistake was posting this in AIBU. That said I do agree with the majority of posters here. Your 20 week scan is not to find out the sex of your baby...its your anomaly scan.

I know it feels like it's been ruined for you but you really need to consider far far worse things happen at 20 week scans...that is a scan ruined, not thinking the sonographer has revealed the sex of your baby.

MummytoCSJH · 27/10/2019 20:34

Bloody hell people here are so rude and ridiculous. Just because some people have had worse things happen (and Thanks to those who have) doesn't mean someone can't be upset about something minor that has happened to them. You're hungry? Shut up, people are starving out there! It's chilly? People froze to death when the Titanic sank, think about them!

It's ok to be disappointed OP. It's a shame but congrats on your baby :)

hopeful3yr · 27/10/2019 20:34

@PurpleDaisies it will have and I did. I'm medical myself and read ultrasounds daily. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Kirigiri · 27/10/2019 20:35

Really harsh responses Hmm Appreciate people have had terrible terrible news at their scan but that doesn’t mean others can’t be disappointed if they feel their surprise was ruined. I have no idea what the sonographer was referring to or if it’s what you think but massive congratulations on your pregnancy

elliejjtiny · 27/10/2019 20:38

It sounds to me that the sonographer didn't reveal anything.

Also it's an anomaly scan. To check whether or not your baby has certain health conditions. For me it was the first time we found out ds had a life changing condition. He is 6 and has had over 20 operations with more to go. But we are one of the lucky ones as there are a lot more severe conditions that can be detected during pregnancy.

Blondebear123 · 27/10/2019 20:41

We didnt want to know the sex of our baby. At two different scan appointments two different sonographers referred to baby as a 'he' when speaking about the baby, they both apologized and said it meant nothing/slip of the tongue/their own kids were boys so we were convinced we were having a boy. We had a girl!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 27/10/2019 20:42

So many of us have a scan ‘ruined’ by being told that bad news that it is difficult to sympathise with you on this.

And unless you were paying privately for a ‘gender scan’ (and why would you if you didn’t want to know) this is not what the 20 week scan is about.

The 20 week scan is to check for serious abnormalities. If your baby is apparently healthy that should be enough to not feel your experience has been ruined.

I assume this is your first baby and that emotions are running high. So I want to be gentle in my response. I hope in time you will understand how you have been unreasonable.

Boyo7 · 27/10/2019 20:42

Perhaps if the title wasn't so goady then people might've responded more gently.

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 27/10/2019 20:42

Sort of by the by but I always wonder what non-medical people are seeing when they say “it’s so obvious”. Look at many scans, mine and other peoples, and they all look basically like blobs to my eyes.

JustHavinABreak · 27/10/2019 20:46

@MummytoCSJH Of course the OP can feel disappointed but there's a big difference between feeling something and sharing those feelings. We expect children to vent their feelings in settings that may not always be appropriate to an audience that may not always appreciate it, but surely an adult should be able to choose an appropriate setting? Using a parenting forum, even an anonymous one, where there are likely to be lots of people who have received devastating blows at the 20 week scan would seem to show very poor judgement and awareness.

user1486131602 · 27/10/2019 20:46

Count your blessings that this is healthy baby, doesn’t matter what flavour it is. Healthy is the way to go!
Oh! Congrats!

spiky54 · 27/10/2019 20:52

My 12 week scan for DS2 was 17 years ago and we saw what we thought was a penis waving around. We asked the sonographer ‘is that what we think it is?’ and she laughed and said ‘do you want to know?’ We said yes and she confirmed he was a boy. So am confused by the discussion of whether you can see willies on 12 week scans!

mamandematribu · 27/10/2019 20:55

Seriously does it actually matter?

Misunderstoodagain · 27/10/2019 20:55

Think the OP got the picture, it's an anomaly scan, why is every repeating it over and over!
At no point has OP said didn't care that the baby was healthy etc why are people being so unbelievablly mean to her. She just wanted to know if she was right in thinking if gender had been given away or not as she was feeling dissapointed that the surprise was ruined.
Mumsnet is getting really aggressive and on the verge of being a bullying forum.... IMHO (in my humble opinion)

Boyo7 · 27/10/2019 20:58

Hi OP.

JennyBlueWren · 27/10/2019 21:01

Also don't worry about any references to "he". When we had some later scans to check out some (thankfully unfounded) concerns DH heard the sonographer refer to "he" and "his". In our area they don't reveal baby's sex....... She was a girl!

angelwinter · 27/10/2019 21:03

I'm shocked at how many hurtful comments are on here. I understand what you were disappointed about op but try not to worry as she could have been referring to either sex.

Congratulations by the way!

3rdNamechange · 27/10/2019 21:06

@holidayhelpp the title says 'gender scan ruined ' so OP has mentioned it

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