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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gender scan ruined??

186 replies

MrsHalli · 27/10/2019 19:23

Me and my husband went for our 20 week scan not wanting to know the gender so it would be a nice surprise at birth. We made it clear at the start that we didn't want to know the gender. However our sonographer came out and said 'I only know the sex because' it' got in the way'.... I feel like they have now ruined our surprise as I believe that makes it obvious it's a boy and they were referring to a willy.
Has anyone else been told this and been proven wrong?

OP posts:

Idontwanttotalk · 28/10/2019 09:37

"Intersex people are still male or female..... but it’s true that occasionally ambiguous genitalia mean you may not be able to tell easily by looking"
Thanks. Every day is a school day.

RainbowAlicorn · 28/10/2019 09:50

It could still be either OP, even then if they had told you the sex it is never 100% certain. Personally I don't understand it being a surprise when they are born, but that's me. Your baby is healthy focus on that and don't keep playing it over in your mind. From the snapshot of what the sonographer said your baby could still be either a boy or a girl.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/10/2019 10:09

I think the OP has done a runner after being basically handed her arse on a plate!!

But I just want to add my mite of "It's SEX, not fucking gender". And anomaly scan.

MumW · 28/10/2019 10:26

YABU to call it a gender scan. YABU to be so dramatic with 'ruined.' YANBU to be disappointed although you can't be 100% sure from what was said.

I think that PPs have been a bit harsh and could have been a little more sensitive and understanding.

BettyBahooky · 28/10/2019 15:33

When I was in early labour I had to have a scan (not sure why, I think it was because my belly was measuring small after my waters had gone), the sonographer asked me and my partner to look away during the scan, she said "it's very clear now at full-term what you're having" I took this is as, its definitely a boy and she didnt want us to see the willy - a few hours later baby was born and it was a girl! I'd thought she was a boy throughout the whole pregnancy anyway and after what the sonographer said it was a real shock!

AthollPlace · 28/10/2019 15:48

YABVU. My friend has just had her 20 week scan and had to be admitted to hospital in order to be induced and give birth to a dead baby. But ok, your scan is ruined because you found out the sex 🙄

SheBloodyNameChangedAgain · 28/10/2019 17:01

Wow, some really really harsh comments on here. The OP was clearly upset that she had specifically requested that the sex of her child was not revealed, but she did (some might say).

She has every right to be upset, and those saying otherwise are just being pedantic. Have a word with yourself

AllFourOfThem · 28/10/2019 17:05

I would imagine that by “it” the sonograoher meant the genitals, which could be male or female.

Try burying your dead baby and then see if you are still upset about the fact that you might or might not now know what sex your baby is. At least your baby is healthy and alive.

Ellisandra · 28/10/2019 17:08

I’d be annoyed to be told if I’d said I didn’t want to be.

I’d get over it in 5 minutes though - given that the sonographer is there to do something far more important than to remember not to mention try sex.

You are being very VERY unreasonable to call it a gender scan. Please, just don’t.

Ellisandra · 28/10/2019 17:11

Oh, and it really doesn’t matter anyway. EVERYTHING about your baby will be a surprise for many many years. Short, tall, born with hair or not, an easier sleeper, one with a ‘been here before’ look, a hiccuper, and as they get older so many other wonderful things about them that you don’t know yet. You have so many surprises ahead of you. This one doesn’t matter.

Valanice1989 · 28/10/2019 17:34

I hope everyone saying this kind of thing never complains about anything because other people always have it worse in all kinds of situations don’t you know and you’re being incredibly insensitive to them...

Saying no one should ever complain because someone else has it worse is completely different from saying that an anomaly scan has not been ruined by the sonographer possibly letting slip the baby's sex. It's a medical procedure. It's like saying, "I went to the doctor and he confirmed I don't have cancer. On the way home, I stopped at the shops but they didn't have my favourite flavour of ice cream. It ruined the whole afternoon." The context means it's insensitive to people who have been diagnosed with cancer.

ThatMuppetShow · 28/10/2019 17:53

She has every right to be upset, and those saying otherwise are just being pedantic. Have a word with yourself

did I miss the point where the medical professional exclaimed "congratulations on your baby boy"? Oh wait, no one actually said anything...
The OP is ridiculous anyway, but has NOTHING to moan about .

Dyrne · 28/10/2019 18:30

OP. I understand that pregnancy is a scary time, where you feel out of control. It’s understandable that you have latched on to one thing you CAN control (finding out the Sex) and are now disappointed that you couldn’t even have that.

As PP have said, your use of the word “ruined” is what has got so many people upset. Take a deep breath, adjust, and look forward to enjoying the rest of your pregnancy knowing that many of the major anomalies have been ruled out and chances are you will have a lovely healthy baby at the end of it.

FWIW, I don’t think the sonographer was referring to a penis. As PP have said, both male and female sex traits are fairly prominent at this stage.

time4an3wname · 28/10/2019 21:22

We didn't want to find out with our first, but the sonograoher kept saying He. It wasn't confirmed as a He, but he turned out to be a boy yes. Just one of those things.

notso · 28/10/2019 21:43

I had loads of growth scans with DC3. For all of them the comments referred to baby except one when the sonographer said "she" then quickly reverted to baby.
DS2 was born a few weeks later.

TurquoiseDress · 28/10/2019 22:06

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

I think the OP has done a runner after being basically handed her arse on a plate!! But I just want to add my mite of "It's SEX, not fucking gender". And anomaly scan.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 28/10/2019 22:06

Get over yourself. It's not a gender scan. I was told at my 20 week scan that my baby wasn't going to survive birth. Would you rather that than be told the gender? Even though you haven't even been told the gender

Whiskeywithwater · 28/10/2019 22:40

11 years ago my 20 week scan was ‘ruined’ when I was told my baby had a heart defect incompatible with life ... get a grip!

anomoony · 28/10/2019 22:53

It could still be either OP, even then if they had told you the sex it is never 100% certain.

Exactly. We wanted to know, and our sonographer told us that our first baby was "definitely a girl". I had to have a new scan because of a placental anomaly at 25 weeks and lo and behold our girl had grown a willy..

AwkwardFucker · 29/10/2019 00:05

My sonograper was 99% sure we were having a girl at 13+4. He is a boy.

I’m seriously laughing at the poster who said she was told the sex at 9 weeks. 😂 It was a guess with a 50% chance of being right.

QuickGetTheEggplants · 29/10/2019 00:23

My 20 week scan was also ruined when the sonographer told me there was no heartbeat.

Jessie192 · 29/10/2019 00:32

Hey OP it's not ruined, it's generally not a gender scan but a general checkup to check the baby's health. Wish you the best!

Marshmallow91 · 29/10/2019 02:25

What @ShitOnIt78 said.

It's an anomoly scan, so start being a bit more thankful about what you do have, rather than complaining about possibly being given identifiable information about the sex of your child.

And p.s, for future reference, "gender" is sociatal, "sex" is biological.

Seahorseshoe · 29/10/2019 04:06

"It" could be the genital area - baby could have been in the perfect spot for her to know, if you wanted to know. It could be the cord. You're having a baby, nothing to be down about.

Mamabear1986 · 29/10/2019 06:04

I totally understand how you are feeling. For those who are saying "does it matter", yes it does bloody matter. It is like peeking at your presents before Christmas day. It ruins the surprise. OP will obviously be grateful baby is fine, but she didn't want to know the gender!
I have boys and when I was pregnant with my last baby (we don't get told gender at scans anymore, you need to pay privately for this) my sonographer asked if I knew what I was having. I didn't, and didn't want to know. As she scanned past the genitals I could clearly see baby was a boy. At the end of the scan the sonographer said "you will have a good idea of what you are having now" and laughed. I was genuianlly gutted. I didn't want to know. I never found out with any of my other boys. I was so angry. I obviously grateful that baby was doing well. Sadly my boy was born sleeping and it made the whole finding out the gender unimportant but I totally get how you are feeling. You are not being u reasonable.

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