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AIBU?

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Original poster

Gender scan ruined??

186 replies

MrsHalli · 27/10/2019 19:23

Me and my husband went for our 20 week scan not wanting to know the gender so it would be a nice surprise at birth. We made it clear at the start that we didn't want to know the gender. However our sonographer came out and said 'I only know the sex because' it' got in the way'.... I feel like they have now ruined our surprise as I believe that makes it obvious it's a boy and they were referring to a willy.
Has anyone else been told this and been proven wrong?

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 27/10/2019 20:14

Like thrush
Are you twelve
I'm pudding myself at such a childish insult directed at other grown adults

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 27/10/2019 20:14

Pissing not pudding
Fucking genteel phone 😂

notanaturalmum · 27/10/2019 20:15

It happened to me OP.
I assumed the sonographer meant a boy and I was a fraction annoyed. For about a day.
Then I moved on.

Then I gave birth to a girl.
And then they turned her over and mumbled something about spina bifida.
Cue lots of people coming in and looking at this hole at the bottom of her back.

I suddenly got a lot more perspective.

As it turns out, following some more inspections and scans, she's actually ok and just has a very deep dimple. But like PPs have said- there's a lot more that goes on at the 20 week scan. I hope you can move past this.

Bearfrills · 27/10/2019 20:15

You cannot “clearly see a penis” on a 12 week old foetus.

I was 12+6 when I had my 12wk scan with DS2. The sonographer doing the scan wanted to check his legs so the head of department came in to repeat the scan, took a very long time and we got a very good look at him. His 'nub' was angled straight upwards and I jokingly said "it's a boy!" At the end of the scan the sonographer went back over for another look and agreed with me.

I've since read elsewhere that an experienced sonographer with a good visualisation of the relevant area can determine the sex at c.12-13wks with around 75-85% accuracy.

hallohallohallo · 27/10/2019 20:17

My parents had a scan and were told that I was a baby boy. So they were rather shocked when I was born and was clearly a baby girl.

notanaturalmum · 27/10/2019 20:17

Sorry to clarify.i
I mean annoyed that I'd found out. Not annoyed that it was a boy

Boyo7 · 27/10/2019 20:18

We got news our precious baby had a fatal abnormality at our 20 week scan. I asked the sex and got told there was 'no point'.

That's a scan ruined.

smoresmores · 27/10/2019 20:19

Kate ThanksThanksThanks

cjpark · 27/10/2019 20:19

"it got in the way" could just as likely be referring to the babies leg being in a position showing female genitals on display. It doesn't mean anything. The 20 week scan is to check on growth and normality. The sonographer has a lot more important parts to scan for than just genitals!

rainbowunicorn · 27/10/2019 20:21

@holidayhelpp did you not read the title then?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/10/2019 20:22

YANBU for feeling disappointed that perhaps you won’t have the surprise you wanted. In the scheme of things though, YABU to complain about it when this was overwhelmingly good news.

NoSauce · 27/10/2019 20:23

God what a goady pile of insensitive tosh OP.

It isn’t a gender scan. It’s to check your baby is healthy. It isn’t a gender scan anyway. It would be a sex scan.

Eleanorbellanor · 27/10/2019 20:23

Congratulations OP and I hope you continue to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.

@Boyo7 so sorry Flowers how awful

blahblahblahblahhh · 27/10/2019 20:24

20 week scan isn't a gender scan it's an anomaly scan! Given your post I'm assuming there were no anomalies found on the scan which is probably more than can be said for some of the other women who were also scanned that day in that hospital! Jeez! You're very lucky!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/10/2019 20:24

OP I understand where you are coming from but please please let go of the idea that things have to be just right and as you planned.

Pregnancy and birth are unpredictable and you need to be able to relax and go with the flow a bit otherwise you are setting yourself up for a load of unnecessary stress. Babies turn up early, they turn up late, they can change from an easy position to a less easy position, labour can be quick, easy, slow, complex.

So you have had an anomaly scan that appears to have been fine. The sonographer may have accidentally hinted at the sex. Whilst, it is not what you wanted, in the range of possible outcomes it’s not a bad one.

PearlsBeforeWine · 27/10/2019 20:24

How spoilt of You.

parkersnose · 27/10/2019 20:24

You obviously haven't thought about the real reasons a 20 week scan can be ruined. Grow up.

Avenilson · 27/10/2019 20:27

well it does sound like it's a willy that got in the way! BUT you still don't know for sure, do you? So the wonder is still there, you don't know what she meant in reality.

I always found out what mine were, the logic being (well practical, so I could get all the 'non-gender-neutral'l shit, shock horror!) and mainly because I wanted a bit of excitement during the long hard slog of pregnancy and then I could aim for some excitement if I made the 20 week mark.

Anotherlongdrive · 27/10/2019 20:27

I've since read elsewhere that an experienced sonographer with a good visualisation of the relevant area can determine the sex at c.12-13wks with around 75-85% accuracy.

That's different to the mother being able to clearly see it. Especially as an untrained person with mo experience.

Pinkblueberry · 27/10/2019 20:28

OP, afraid you are being ridiculous and incredibly insensitive.

FFS Hmm you’re not OP. You’ve referred to an issue that is relevant to your situatuon - many people have an interest/ get excited about the baby’s gender (and that of course doesn’t mean you have a ‘preference’) - and the scan where you can find this out is the anomaly scan - maybe if you’d said that you’d booked and splashed money on a private gender scan the reaction from posters would have then been different? I hope everyone saying this kind of thing never complains about anything because other people always have it worse in all kinds of situations don’t you know and you’re being incredibly insensitive to them...

JustHavinABreak · 27/10/2019 20:28

Another one here who was told at the 20 week scan that LO may have had a potentially life threatening condition so to me, being inadvertently told I was having a boy/girl wouldn't really make it on to a list of "Things That Ruined My Scan"

You're lucky, OP. Celebrate that your baby is happy. Mine was fine in the end and I treasure every second with her because from the moment I saw the sonographer's face I knew I needed a miracle

TurquoiseDress · 27/10/2019 20:28

Come to think of it, last year with DC2 when we went to the anomaly scan at 20 weeks, the monographer did not even mention anything about the sex of the baby e.g. they did not ask whether we wished to find out

We didn't 'need' to know as we'd done the Harmony test at around 10 weeks so we knew in any case.

Speaking with others who went through ante-natal at the same hospital, it sounded as if it was positively discouraged to ask about the sex during the anomaly scan

I suppose, at the end of the day, it is a medical scan designed to pick up any abnormalities...personally I feel that the focus should be on this.

Friends of ours had their anomaly scan, where they found out that their first baby had a condition incompatible with life and they later chose to terminate at 25 weeks.

Their experience definitely put the whole thing into perspective for me when it came out first baby- the sex of the baby was just completely co-incidential really

smoresmores · 27/10/2019 20:29

Genuinely can't imagine going to the 20 week scan and being concerned about the sex of the baby.

I'm not anti finding out but that scan is so serious and so important. As PP have shared there are so many possible and sometimes tragic outcomes ... You have nothing to be disappointed about.

Those NHS staff have to worry about giving people difficult, life altering news. Not your 'big surprise' moment.

JustHavinABreak · 27/10/2019 20:29

I'm sorry...I meant celebrate that your baby is healthy

Mollie3 · 27/10/2019 20:30

Ummmm if that’s the least of your worries congratulations