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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gender scan ruined??

186 replies

MrsHalli · 27/10/2019 19:23

Me and my husband went for our 20 week scan not wanting to know the gender so it would be a nice surprise at birth. We made it clear at the start that we didn't want to know the gender. However our sonographer came out and said 'I only know the sex because' it' got in the way'.... I feel like they have now ruined our surprise as I believe that makes it obvious it's a boy and they were referring to a willy.
Has anyone else been told this and been proven wrong?

OP posts:
Bofster37 · 27/10/2019 19:45

Wow.

gamerchick · 27/10/2019 19:45

I'm assuming the baby is healthy? That's what you were there for. The comment could mean anything re the sex. You still don't know, so put it out of your head.

PepePig · 27/10/2019 19:46

YABU. She hasn't told you anything- she could be talking about either sets of genitalia. I think you're being precious. Be thankful and happy you have a (presumably) healthy baby. So what if you've accidentally 'found out'? Gender scans aren't 100% accurate, anyway.

Focus on important things. This is incredibly trivial.

Andysbestadventure · 27/10/2019 19:46

Not true @PurpleDaisies my DS's junk was clearly visible on the 12wk scan as they scanned downwards through foot to head. It was quite obviously a penis and scrotum on one of the cross sections. Also gender scans in 3D are offered very early on now.

Bofster37 · 27/10/2019 19:46

Also, it’s sex.

Witchinaditch · 27/10/2019 19:46

it matters to OP as she wanted the surprise in the room after she’s given birth. Op id take the “it” comment as genitals not necessarily meaning the willy

Scarlett555 · 27/10/2019 19:46

We didn't want to know the sex at our scan either but the sonographer repeatedly referred to the baby as 'she' ... 🤷‍♀️ ah well, she was healthy which is all that really matters.

sparkles07 · 27/10/2019 19:46

20 week scan is not a gender scan!! It's to check your babies health. Biscuit

Maryann1975 · 27/10/2019 19:47

At dc1 20 week scan, the sonographer asked if ‘he’ (the baby) was going to play sport for the team dh was wearing (he was in a rugby team shirt). We hadn’t wanted to know the sex and I was a bit put out.
Baby was a girl. My midwife friend was correct, a lot of what they say is conversational and you shouldn’t read too much in to the conversational stuff they say (obviously the medical stuff, that you are actually there for is really important, but finding out the sex of the baby is an additional thing, not the actual reason for the scan).
Try to focus on the healthy baby bit and please don’t plan on it being a boy, as it still might not be!

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2019 19:48

Genuine question here as I know very little about sex scans

What did it get in the way of?

diddl · 27/10/2019 19:49

I'm not sure that she has given it away, but I do wonder why she said anything.

When I had mine 20ish years ago, policy at the hospital was not to tell.

ThatMuppetShow · 27/10/2019 19:50

As you haven't been told anything at the anomaly scan, there's nothing to be proven wrong.

It's a lucky mother who does go to one of these only concerned about not knowing the sex of the baby!

KateReddy · 27/10/2019 19:52

DS2’s 20/week scan was ruined due to to finding a devastating congenital abnormality that led to a still birth.
I’m sorry you apparently found out the sex of your baby. I hope everything else goes well.

coffeeandpyjamas · 27/10/2019 19:53

I’m sorry you feel disappointment but YABU. The 20 week scan being ‘ruined’ is getting the unimaginable, gut wrenching news that your baby is not healthy.

If you have a healthy child, the fact you know (and you don’t even know 100%) should not matter one bit.

slipperywhensparticus · 27/10/2019 19:53

Kate Flowers

holidayhelpp · 27/10/2019 19:53

Think everyone is jumping to indignation way too quickly here - the op never said the scan was a gender scan!!🙄

Op - I get it. I’m sure it means nothing, but I completely understand wanting the surprise at birth. Finding out my beautiful son was my son, and my beautiful daughter was my daughter, when they were born were the most magical two moments of my life. Look forward to your surprise, I’m jealous! GrinCongratulations!

Thebig3 · 27/10/2019 19:54

Please try and focus more on the fact that your baby is healthy. It really doesnt matter if they accidentally told you or not.

Trust me a lot worse can happen at a 20wk scan worse than being told the sex. We found out out baby boy was not going to survive the pregnancy at our 20wk scan. I would much rather have been told the sex by mistake than that.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

StroppyWoman · 27/10/2019 19:54

Oh for goodness sake, your baby is healthy.
Sometimes the scan reveals the sex of the baby and the technician inadvertently reveals it. Sometimes it's inconclusive. Seriously, it's no big deal.
Focus on your baby. It's not a surprise party, it's your child. Sometimes you know more - or less - than you plan to.

Alb1 · 27/10/2019 19:55

It says it in the title @holidayhelpp

PurpleDaisies · 27/10/2019 19:56

Not true @PurpleDaisies my DS's junk was clearly visible on the 12wk scan as they scanned downwards through foot to head

A clitoris on a female foetus would have looked the same.

You cannot “clearly see a penis” on a 12 week old foetus. Testicles don’t descent until the third trimester. You need to look at the process of the development of foetal genitalia.

GinNotGym19 · 27/10/2019 19:56

Might be a boy! Might be a girl with her legs open!
I don’t get the gender reveal stuff we all know it’s gonna either be a boy or girl 😂
I know people that was told one sex then it turned out to be another so they aren’t reliable anyway.
I did want to know the sex and had loads of scans cos of my placenta and they always laughed saying you can tell he’s a boy

dementedpixie · 27/10/2019 19:56

The thread title says Gender scan ruined??

Ginger1982 · 27/10/2019 19:57

Ruined would have been one way to describe finding out that your baby wasn't healthy so I think you're being a tad over dramatic.

Ok, you think you now know but as people have said, the sonographer could have been referencing anything.

I didn't want to know before DS was born what he was but had I found out, it wouldn't have been the end of the world.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 27/10/2019 19:57

We had a hideous pregnancy with DS2 and we were able o know his sex at fourteen weeks
This was part of ongoing scans due to fears of multiple abnormalities
Thankfully he was fine in the end
Scans are not for pretty pictures or so you can have a cutesy gender reveal
Ffs

Whatwouldbigfatfannydo · 27/10/2019 19:57

There are lots of ways a 20 week scan can be 'ruined' - this is not one of them.

You should listen to this and be grateful for a healthy baby.