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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gender scan ruined??

186 replies

MrsHalli · 27/10/2019 19:23

Me and my husband went for our 20 week scan not wanting to know the gender so it would be a nice surprise at birth. We made it clear at the start that we didn't want to know the gender. However our sonographer came out and said 'I only know the sex because' it' got in the way'.... I feel like they have now ruined our surprise as I believe that makes it obvious it's a boy and they were referring to a willy.
Has anyone else been told this and been proven wrong?

OP posts:
Betty777 · 27/10/2019 21:06

Agreed - OP is being unfairly abused here.

I had both issues mentioned above - one scan that told me my baby had stopped developing, then a couple of years later (with a healthy pregnancy) we had stated we didn't want to know the gender and the sonographer referred to it as 'he' (then corrected himself obviously, which made it worse)

OP is entitled to be disappointed (but OP I cared less as it went on, by the day of the actual birth I forgot to even ask ,and the midwife seemed surprised I wasn't dying to know what it was!)

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 27/10/2019 21:10

Fairly sure the OP has played a blinder her tbh

blackteasplease · 27/10/2019 21:21

It's not a gender scan. There are lots of ways a 20 week scan can be 'ruined' - this is not one of them

^^
Yes finding out about a congenital heart defect will ruin it.

elfonshelf · 27/10/2019 21:22

I'm not sure it's a great idea to plan 'perfect' anything around the whole business of babies as so much is unpredictable. I am always grateful that we knew in advance, as I very nearly never knew on the day.

nespressowoo · 27/10/2019 21:23

Doesn't matter does it. I assume everything was ok otherwise? Biscuit

nottodaysatanlucifer · 27/10/2019 21:28

Can someone please explain to me why we "can't" say gender and it has to be sex?

GleamInYourEyes · 27/10/2019 21:33

Gender is socially constructed - it's the stuff you are supposed to do/feel/wear/behave/want according to your sex. A foetus hasn't had any social expectations on them yet, they just have a sex.

C8H10N4O2 · 27/10/2019 21:33

Fairly sure the OP has played a blinder her tbh

Indeed.

Avenilson · 27/10/2019 21:42

Everyone on here is from a different place, region, country, so whilst 20 weeks is in general an anomaly scan, sex determination is offered then (where I am from). I am in Ireland, the particular hospital/region I was in you get a 20 week anomaly scan if it is your first child. If it is your second+ you get an early scan (about 14 weeks where they won't determine sex) and then no other scan until 33 weeks+ for growth unless you are with a private consultant. So most certainly a 20 week anomaly scan paid for privately is also a sex scan because you pay for it yourself here and ask for that. Why people have a problem with someone asking a simple question - is bizarre. Presumably it is an anomaly scan and all is ok, who knows if it was a private scan or not?

Loaf90 · 27/10/2019 21:43

Get some perspective

chugmonkey · 28/10/2019 07:25

I understand your disappointment OP but 'ruined' is a bit strong. It's an anomaly scan, not a baby shower. As someone who has had difficult news at that scan I suggest you just be grateful your baby is okay.

chugmonkey · 28/10/2019 07:33

Also OP ( on a lighter note) if you're this disappointed at this, brace yourself for childbirth and parenthood. Stuff frequently isn't how you plan it, you need to learn to roll with it and count your blessings. Trust me, that is the only way to get through. 😂

DeathStare · 28/10/2019 07:38

I was told exactly this and had a girl. My cousin was told exactly this and had a boy.

queenbodenica · 28/10/2019 07:55

Yes YABU, a 20 week scan is only ruined if you are told your baby has problems. Get a grip OP and have some consideration for other people.

MagicKingdomDizzy · 28/10/2019 08:12

My baby 's 20 week scan was ruined by finding out she had a congenital deformity. Just be glad your baby is healthy.

myself2020 · 28/10/2019 09:09

Potential hydrocephalus at 20 week scan will ruin the experience.
yabu, especially since they revealed nothing

myself2020 · 28/10/2019 09:12

Or “no heartbeat” (although that was earlier than 20 weeks)

Tobebythesea · 28/10/2019 09:12

No, not at all. The sonographer called the area the phallic area but it was a girl.

dentydown · 28/10/2019 09:16

My scan got ruined because there was an abnormality on the testicle. I didn’t really care that they revealed the gender at that point in time, I was more worried about the abnormality. A couple of scans later and it was determined to be fine, and he’s now in front of me playing mine craft.

They haven’t revealed anything to you at the moment so it could be either!

Benes · 28/10/2019 09:17

My best friend is a sonographer and this idea that it's a 'gender' scan makes her job incredibly difficult. She gets complaints and abuse regularly because she won't help couples with their gender reveal parties - she's not allowed to write it down, tell a third party etc. It's ridiculous and takes time away from actual scanning because all complaints have to be acknowledged.

The purpose of the scan is to check the health of the baby. People need to remember that.

Idontwanttotalk · 28/10/2019 09:23

" 'I only know the sex because' it' got in the way'.... I feel like they have now ruined our surprise as I believe that makes it obvious it's a boy and they were referring to a willy."
I agree with you, that she's let the cat out of the bag with her comment. She was referring to a Willy. At least you can keep it as a surprise from your families.

No experience of scans so can't help with that.
Also agree with Theendofmyrope that it's sex not gender. No-one can ever know the gender of their child from a scan, they can only know the sex - male or female (or on very rare occasions, intersex).

Vampyress · 28/10/2019 09:28

I can understand your disappointment but as people have said there is no guarantee you are having a boy. We didn't get a choice with our third son as his big balls were the first thing we saw!!! Grin

FastAway · 28/10/2019 09:32

Intersex people are still male or female..... but it’s true that occasionally ambiguous genitalia mean you may not be able to tell easily by looking.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 28/10/2019 09:33

Blimey, the struggle is real.

Legomadx2 · 28/10/2019 09:34

We had the same thing. The sonographer said he.

It was a boy and he's amazing.

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