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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to tell colleague they’re a spitting image of an infamous killer

273 replies

prawnsword · 27/10/2019 10:48

Said new colleague looks so much like Chris Watts it’s alarming... followed this case closely & while it wasn’t massive news in my country it does get press. It was well known worldwide. I feel like if someone looked like Dahmer or Bundy it would be ok to say...but considering it’s a fairly recent case & the grim circumstances of it, is it best left unsaid? It’s constantly on the tip of my tongue wanting to spill out this odd information. But he is quite reserved like the real Chris Watts so it might make him uncomfortable!

OP posts:

SoyDora · 27/10/2019 11:53

And FWIW, I have been in similar circumstances. Not murder, but a very close family member died in a particularly horrific accident which was reported in numerous sources.
If I thought anyone was entertained or ‘fascinated’ by his death, I would be absolutely gutted.

TotinEggs · 27/10/2019 11:53

Even if you told him he looked like Brad Pitt he might be upset because he doesn’t like his films or something.
Generally just don’t comment on people’s looks to be safe!

Original poster

prawnsword · 27/10/2019 11:54

@homeworkery - that’s a completely different context. That post relates to the immediate grief of a close person in a private situation.

That post was relating to how someone might act in their early stages of grief.

OP posts:

BusterGonad · 27/10/2019 11:56

It could be worse op, he could look like Fred West, so yeah, tell him!

homeworkery · 27/10/2019 11:56

Oh so it's ok for the gossips and those fascinated by it all to come out of the woodwork as long as it's not in the "early stages"?

Is just over 12 months later the "late stage" of grief. I'm sure they are over it by now so crack on

Original poster

prawnsword · 27/10/2019 11:56

@Butchyrestingface

No am not one of those sick people, the psyche of women who write to serial killers is just weird.

OP posts:

AmIScary · 27/10/2019 11:56

I've no idea who he is either but really OP, you sound very odd

True Crime community? Maybe that's the MN mythical hobby that can't be named

ManonBlackbeak · 27/10/2019 11:57

One of my Uncles looked like a notorious serial killer. When this person was arrested and his face appeared on the news, my parents both apparently stopped what they were doing looked at each other and both said in unison 'Oh my god he looks just like ' the likeness was that strong.

We never did tell him (he's now sadly dead) but other people apprently did. Often!

Original poster

prawnsword · 27/10/2019 11:57

the lack of critical thinking on here is unsettling sometimes

OP posts:

meyouandlulutoo · 27/10/2019 11:57

I had to Google him too. His picture looks like lots of young men, I agree with PP who said he had a common look - not outstanding in any way. I watch true crime programmes on occasion too - I can't say I remember what anyone looks like enough to compare their resemblance to anyone I know! I think you are too invested in these programmes and perhaps would be better watching fictional crime dramas instead. Good job you have decided not to say anything to your new colleague as he won't be the only one at work who will think you are weird.

butterybiscuitbasic · 27/10/2019 11:59

Ok so the OP is being a bit weird, but there very much is a “true crime” fan base and it’s obviously pretty mainstream. Half of the documentaries on Netflix are about murderers, as are a lot of popular podcasts (there’s even “my favourite murder”.

homeworkery · 27/10/2019 12:00

You:

"Acting like they were best friends and get an emotional payoff"

Also you:

"it’s important to remember Shan’Ann Bella & Cece"

You can't remember them. You don't know them and aren't even using their full names. Weird weird weird

saltysally · 27/10/2019 12:00

the lack of critical thinking on here is unsettling sometimes

The irony of this statement from the OP

Keep your mouth shut!

prettycolours · 27/10/2019 12:01

This reminded me of Big Brother years ago when Craig Coates got upset because the housemates told him he looked like Myra Hindley with the blonde wig he had on.

Butchyrestingface · 27/10/2019 12:01

No am not one of those sick people, the psyche of women who write to serial killers is just weird.

I notice you didn't answer my second question.

MitziK · 27/10/2019 12:01

Maybe you wouldn’t want your loved one to be yesterday’s news

I'm perfectly happy for the details of my brother's death (not murder) to remain private. It was bad enough when it happened seeing SM posts pop up on my feed about how there was blood and brains all over the road and how he'd obviously been dragged halfway down the street in pieces, etc, etc, when he had experienced nothing of the sort.

One of my friends is still dealing with the aftermath of being a surviving victim of a particularly nasty murder/attack. One that made national news for an extended period. Recently, because it's an 'anniversary', their friends and partner were harassed by some twat from a production company that wants to make money out of it a TV programme about it because they weren't responding to chirpy messages about 'having the opportunity to remember' the deceased. They don't want to 'remember' the attack. They still suffer the effects of being attacked many years later. They don't want their trauma, the family's trauma, the impact that a wicked person enjoyed having on them, described in great detail for the gratification of the same sort of people who were practically salivating over the prospect of telling others they 'saw' my brother's brains smeared over the fucking high Street. And if they were to actually describe what happened in the terms of what they heard, saw and felt, there's no fucking way it would be broadcast, because that wouldn't get the viewing figures.

Fuck off. You aren't 'remembering and honouring' anybody. You just get off on the details.

FadingStar · 27/10/2019 12:02

Watts has a very common look I agree. My friend strongly resembles Fred West but is such a nice bloke I don't even see it anymore. He is just him. Once you get to know your colleague OP you won't even think of it.

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2019 12:03

Yes and that's pretty much always been the case. Some people find real life murders and how they're solved etc, fascinating.

It's the fake 'honouring' of the victims that's disgusting. Just admit you find it entertaining, instead of claiming you're only watching it to 'honour' and 'remember' them.

BusterGonad · 27/10/2019 12:03

So much seriousness on this thread, millions of people are intrigued and find murders/murderers fascinating.

StayInYourLaneBoy · 27/10/2019 12:03

My ex looked like Anders Breivik. He was also called Andrew, so I called him Anders. He saw the funny side as we had that kind of jokey, micky-taking relationship

FadingStar · 27/10/2019 12:05

I watch true crime a lot but prefer to read. Ann Rule is a fantastic writer and families of victims ask her to cover the cases as she really focuses on the victims and their families' quests for justice.

SoyDora · 27/10/2019 12:06

I’m happy to be considered ‘serious’ for not finding other people’s tragedies fascinating to be honest.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 27/10/2019 12:07

Watts has a very common look and it’s v weird that you made this connection. The case would have been one day in the media, how did you make the connection over a year later after seeing the news briefly ??

Varric · 27/10/2019 12:08

You definitely should, that way he'll know he should avoid you.

butterybiscuitbasic · 27/10/2019 12:10

@WorraLiberty ah ok I missed that! Hmm yes it’s like a form of grief vampirism isn’t it?

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