To be ungrateful to receive a gift that's going to cost me money?

[wintertime6]

I just don't understand why people think it's a nice thing to do? Me and DH were given a £30 voucher for a really fancy restaurant as a gift. Yes, I know that it would be lovely to go out for a nice meal, but it's a set menu in the evenings at £70 each, not including drinks. So in reality it's going to cost us well over £100 and we're just going to end up going for the sake of using the voucher, and will have to organise and pay for a babysitter on top!

I know I'm not going to enjoy it that much, knowing how much it's costing us, but I'd feel bad letting it go to waste and the person who bought us the voucher is definitely going to ask how we enjoyed the meal and I just can't lie!

I'd much rather have received a £30 voucher for a local pizza restaurant and we could have gone out some night as a family for a chilled out meal, I wouldn't have had to think about what to cook for anyone that night, and it would have been pretty much free!

I hate being ungrateful for gifts, but I just can't bring myself to feel grateful in anyway for receiving such an annoying present!!

Save it and give to someone as a secret santa gift.

I like the Marie Kondo gift approach- essentially, the purpose of the gift was fulfilled at the point the person giving it handed it over. Its purpose was to make the giver feel good giving it.

On that score, it then doesn’t matter if the person who received it liked it or found it useful. They can feel free to keep it, give it away or not use it, guilt-free, because its purpose is already fulfilled.

So doesn’t matter if it’s a scarf, a painting or a gift experience. The money spent was for the giver to have pleasure in giving it. It’s not a ‘waste’ not to use it any more than it would be a ‘waste’ not to use the scarf etc.

We had this kind of thing a few Christmas' ago when MIL gave us a Groupon voucher for 2 nights in a hotel.
The hotel was a 4hr drive away, the voucher only covered the hotel room, no breakfast or any other meals plus it had to be used mid week before the end of March.
We did use it in the end and had a nice time but it cost us a few hundred euro plus 3days annual leave.

Don't regift anything, just ask around if anyone wants it.

I sometimes get given toiletries I can't use, so I give them to my friend, not as a gift, but just in a "I was given these, but can't use them, do you want them?" way, and she's always happy to have them. Also, she volunteers in a charity shop, so she often takes things off me, and if she doesn't want them, she takes them in to the shop.

YANBU

What a rubbish gift! the only time something like this would be acceptable would be if they knew you were planning on celebrating at this particular restaurant and gifted a voucher to go towards it.

If restaurant is nearby, Perhaps you could do a RAOK and loiter with intent outside the door and give to someone going in to eat.
That way the gifter won't have wasted their money and you won't have to shell out on making up the difference.

I would contact them, thank them for the gift voucher but say that it's a set menu in the evenings for £70 per person, excluding drinks, and that it's out of your budget, even with the voucher.

It might be that they don't realise it's so expensive.

I agree. It is a bit annoying.

YANBU.

A) Give it back and explain the issue so it doesn't happen again or B) gift it to someone else and lie.

Choice is yours but I would go with option A. Always treat the people in your life like adults.

People waste their money giving a gift that costs you to use - it's not whether you use it that determines if it's a waste or not. And wasting more money after it doesn't make it less of a waste, but more. in your case, by all means if you can find a babysitter and will enjoy it, use it. If not, though, don't put yourself out over it.

I bet places figure out just how annoying vouchers can be to get people to buy them and then not use them. What a massive win for the venue - they have received the cash but not had to provide the experience, the meal, whatever it is. And when it's gift season, even better for them, because the giver doesn't have to game out how much it will cost to use it and is more likely to buy an inconvenient voucher (which is then unlikely to get used).
Not a scam, quite, but I would guess that many places make some choices to ensure there's a good number of sold vouchers that are never going to be redeemed, and I bet it's much easier at gift-y times of year.

Give it back to the gifter for Christmas! 😂

Yes,just lunch,or evening drinks would be better, But it is an odd present really,as the giver would probably know about the posh restaurant prices,and know that you had to pay out more there. Even if you both have posh drinks there,it would maybe cost more than £30 !

YANBU.

To be honest, a 'gift' of a voucher that doesn't even cover the cost of anything I could use it for, I find that borderline insulting. I mean what does it say about the giver? They like the restaurant but they're too tight-fisted to actually pay for my whole meal there? Or they couldn't be arsed to do the research and just bought a voucher for a place they know fuck all about? What?

Husband given £50 voucher for local ( pretentious) local restaurant. Went for lunch as the cheapest option at £35 a head. Dinner is around £95 a head. Supplement if you want cheese instead of dessert. 2 aperitifs of gin and tonic, 3 glasses of red wine and one dessert wine. The bill came to just short of £180!!!! Since then restuarant has been awarded a Michelin star and lunch immediately went to £45 a head. The dessert wine was £17.50 for a minute amount plus 12.5% service charge. Don't feel you have to use the voucher - donate it to a charity tombola or similar.

Regift it to someone else or else use it as a raffle prize for school or something?

I'm sure there is a website or app to swap gift cards ...

That’s the sort of thing my well-off friend would do! The extra cost would be peanuts to her and I’d doubt that it would even occur to her that not everyone could afford it.

yadnbu, gifts that cost the recipient more than the giver aren't really a gift at all! If you can afford it then go , otherwise bin it. I wouldnt re-gift it, just offer it to a friend or relative who you think will use it (but not as a gift because really its not a gift but a money off voucher!)

Erm, you have to pay to advertise here, or to do market research. Please contact Mumsnet HQ for a run down of the options.

(And, even as an individual poster, it's really bad manners to plop into someone else's thread like that).

Not just this thread

I'm sure it was given by people who thought you'd like it. You don't have to use it! Don't tell them you haven't.

Try selling it on ebay, there might be someone who fancies a night out at that restaurant and for whom the discount will be welcome.

Can you give it to someone as a Christmas present? sorry to the 10 other people who probs already suggested this, I've only read OP's comments

I had a Groupon voucher for a cheese n wine tasting, over the other side of London. I don't live in London. I told the giver I couldn't use it and she got it changed to a voucher for a local branch of Prezzo. Everybody happy!