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Original poster

To be ungrateful to receive a gift that's going to cost me money?

243 replies

wintertime6 · 27/10/2019 08:08

I just don't understand why people think it's a nice thing to do? Me and DH were given a £30 voucher for a really fancy restaurant as a gift. Yes, I know that it would be lovely to go out for a nice meal, but it's a set menu in the evenings at £70 each, not including drinks. So in reality it's going to cost us well over £100 and we're just going to end up going for the sake of using the voucher, and will have to organise and pay for a babysitter on top!

I know I'm not going to enjoy it that much, knowing how much it's costing us, but I'd feel bad letting it go to waste and the person who bought us the voucher is definitely going to ask how we enjoyed the meal and I just can't lie!

I'd much rather have received a £30 voucher for a local pizza restaurant and we could have gone out some night as a family for a chilled out meal, I wouldn't have had to think about what to cook for anyone that night, and it would have been pretty much free!

I hate being ungrateful for gifts, but I just can't bring myself to feel grateful in anyway for receiving such an annoying present!!

OP posts:
TheMouldNeverBotheredMeAnyway · 27/10/2019 11:37

Lunch menu is a set menu too, things like venison and pigeon etc, no children's menu in sight! It's £35 each, plus drinks and tipping on top of course.

it just seems such a hassle to have to arrange to go out for a lunch somewhere posh just for the sake of it, probably be rushing home again to sort out the kids and then get their dinner cooked, and have to pay for the privilege!

Please just don't use it. This is nuts.

If someone gives you a gift you don't want say "thank you, you're very kind". That's the end of your obligation to the giver. You don't need to use the present at extra expense and inconvenience. The gift is supposed to be something nice, not something that will cause you trouble.

The money has already been spent so it is no more wasted if you don't use the voucher than if you use it and don't enjoy it (and spend extra money on top).

It will cost you £40 for an extra lunch dining companion, then around £10 extra for a tip (should tip for whole bill not just bit you pay) and more for a drink unless you stick to tap water (which I find some restaurants can be reluctant to provide!), then travel, possibly a babysitter. So a not insubstantial amount for a lunch out that it sounds like you wouldn't choose.

Victorybird · 27/10/2019 11:37

Oh and use the proceeds of the sale towards a nice takeaway for you all one weekend.

aneedtochange · 27/10/2019 11:40

I would Regift. Especially with Christmas around the corner.

Chamomileteaplease · 27/10/2019 11:42

So why are you going?? Confused

After all the advice on this thread not to give in to nonsense and being out of pocket.

You are essentially, inconveniencing yourself, spending money you don't have, to not enjoy yourself. To save the feelings of someone who is thoughtless.

Why??

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 27/10/2019 11:43

It's not rude to complain about it. A lot of people approach gift-giving as a tickbox exercise with minimal thought about what the recipient would like or find useful. It's not a token of affection or esteem, it's just another job to be done, but with the sweetener that the recipient will probably feel obliged to give a gift in return.

We'd all be a lot better off if we stopped this pointless giftgiving for people we hardly know and don't really care much about.

In your case, OP, I'd give the voucher away or sell it if you can.

Victorybird · 27/10/2019 11:43

No, don't regift! That's just passing the misery along. At least if you sell it for twenty quid it'll be to someone who wants it. Hopefully.

Grandmi · 27/10/2019 11:44

Afternoon tea?

Babynamechangerr · 27/10/2019 11:46

I'd just use it for something like a couple of glasses of champagne and some oysters at the bar before going somewhere else for dinner.

Agree it's probably a regift if they don't have kids someone else might have thought they'd use it. Very thoughtless gift for you.

I wouldn't pass the curse on by regifting unless you know of someone that goes for fancy meals regularly and would enjoy it, as otherwise it makes you as bad as the person that gave it to you.

Alternatively you could just give it to someone in return for a favour, but not as an actual gift, iyswim, eg to that mum who's picked your kids up a couple of times as a thank you.

LavendarGreen · 27/10/2019 11:51

@wintertime6 Just don't go. Go to Wetherspoons and get a 2 for a tenner meal, and take a selfie in there, and pretend you went.

I HATE 'experience' vouchers. It's one of the worst gifts.

woodchuck99 · 27/10/2019 11:51

I would go for lunch by myself but if you wouldn't want to do that then perhaps give it to someone else. If the gift giver asks just tell them what you did with it and why and hopefully you won't get a similar gift in the future. It's an alright gift for someone without children but but if you need a babysitter it is not much good.

MarthasGinYard · 27/10/2019 12:03

It's fine dining then not a chain

I'm thinking they aren't the kind of vouchers you buy at point of sale in Tesco's

Have they purchased them from the restaurant directly?

Is it somewhere you'd expressed a wish to go.

FGS just thank them and donate to the Christmas tombola if it's something you won't use.

Babybel90 · 27/10/2019 12:08

It’s not really a gift if it’s inconvenient and expensive to use it, I wouldn’t tell the gifter I didn’t use it unless they asked.

I’d either pass it on to someone who would use it, sell it, or contact the restaurant explain it was a gift and you can’t really afford to spend the extra £150 to get the use of it (as you’ve got two small children) and could they suggest anything like swapping it for a voucher with another more affordable restaurant (if the owner owns any other restaurants) or giving you some desserts or bottle of wine to take away.

Wonkybanana · 27/10/2019 12:39

I don't think you 'have' to use it. Whether the giver is tight (it's a regift) or thoughtless (how much extra you'll have to spend) a gift that's going to cost you much more than you can afford, where you're probably not going to really enjoy it because of the cost, really isn't much of a gift.

If it's from DH's family, what does he think about it? Wouldn't it be his job to speak to the giver and explain?

ElfAndSafetyBored · 27/10/2019 12:43

Years ago I got given £30 of Thomas Cook vouchers. Why on earth????

IdiotInDisguise · 27/10/2019 13:20

We should start a thread about this...

I got a 6 persons voucher for a make up party in a mega expensive make up shop. In exchange of handing us a glass of champagne each, we had to spend two hours of heavy selling. The make up was expensive, but not from a well known reputable brand.

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/10/2019 13:27

My sister, who doesn't live near me and doesn't know the area, gave me a voucher from a company similar to Groupon for a lovely sounding massage at a spa. The 'spa' turned out to be in a grubby leisure centre in Brightside, an area of Sheffield I have never previously been to and will never go to again. The therapist wasn't in so the Receptionist phoned her and said that she had broken her phone so didn't know she was supposed to have an appointment, evidently nothing was written down. I was offered an alternative appointment but declined. It wasn't a massive waste of my money, only the petrol to get there, but wasted a whole morning and I didn't get the present - not that I was all that keen anyway when I saw the place.

Brefugee · 27/10/2019 13:37

@Panooka - I would bin it rather than cause an awkward moment with the gift giver. I suppose it would depend who the gift giver was.

I have abut lost patience for this kind of thing, although I do like the idea of inviting the giver to lunch with me - they can pay for all of theirs and the OP can use the voucher for most but not all of theirs within sight of the gift giver who will hopefully realise what a crappy gift it is.

Victorybird · 27/10/2019 13:41

I think the likes of Groupon are mainly responsible for shit gift vouchers. It's such a customer unfriendly setup: purchase bulk vouchers therefore buying a service at a discount; mark up to the extent that it looks like a discount but Groupon still makes a profit; restrict usage to timeslots when business would otherwise operate at a loss so the business still makes a profit; widespread inconvenience for the recipients of supposed "gifts" and a waste of money for the purchaser. I bet most of them aren't used anyway so the business doesn't even have to provide anything in the end but they still get the revenue.

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/10/2019 13:43

If you use the voucher and put yourself out of pocket you are allowing yourself to be completely controlled by another person to your own detriment.

Being that much of a pushover - being that masochistic and self-sacrificial - is a really bad idea, and certainly not behaviour you want to model to your kids.

Derbee · 27/10/2019 14:03

give it back and say it just won’t work with the children right now

Do this. And then you don’t have to mention that if you’re going to buy a gift, you may as well spend enough on said gift for it to be useful

Jeleste · 27/10/2019 14:26

I feel for you! I got a voucher for a special tasting menu at a restaurant once. It was 80 per head excluding drinks. While i think 80 is a decent amount to spend on someone, i was never gonna go to the restaurant on my own.. so DH had to pay for his meal plus we had to pay for drinks. Turned out quite expensive in the end, even with the voucher.
And i was just wondering who gives a dinner voucher for 1 person.

MapMyMum · 27/10/2019 14:40

Could they have won or been gifted the voucher themselves? If it were me Id regift it on to someone else, maybe adding 20/30 to it if I could so they could actually use it. Its quite a thoughtless gift really

funnylittlefloozie · 27/10/2019 15:25

I HATE 'experience' vouchers. It's one of the worst gifts

Would normally agree with you, but my DP bought me a tank driving experience for my birthday last year, and it is literally the best thing i have done in YEARS!!

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/10/2019 16:11

I bought my dad a flying lesson for his 72nd birthday and he was over the moon (not literally obviously).

billy1966 · 27/10/2019 16:21

Whatever this is, it certainly is not a gift. Gifts do not cost you money.

Return it as it's not a cost you can bear or just don't use it and tell them that you couldn't afford to use it.

I certainly wouldn't spend money that I don't wish to spend to accommodate a voucher from someone.

Either way, it certainly isn't a gift. More of an annoyance IMO.

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