To be ungrateful to receive a gift that's going to cost me money?

[wintertime6]

I just don't understand why people think it's a nice thing to do? Me and DH were given a £30 voucher for a really fancy restaurant as a gift. Yes, I know that it would be lovely to go out for a nice meal, but it's a set menu in the evenings at £70 each, not including drinks. So in reality it's going to cost us well over £100 and we're just going to end up going for the sake of using the voucher, and will have to organise and pay for a babysitter on top!

I know I'm not going to enjoy it that much, knowing how much it's costing us, but I'd feel bad letting it go to waste and the person who bought us the voucher is definitely going to ask how we enjoyed the meal and I just can't lie!

I'd much rather have received a £30 voucher for a local pizza restaurant and we could have gone out some night as a family for a chilled out meal, I wouldn't have had to think about what to cook for anyone that night, and it would have been pretty much free!

I hate being ungrateful for gifts, but I just can't bring myself to feel grateful in anyway for receiving such an annoying present!!

I’d be completely honest and say you can’t afford it. It could be that they didn’t actually pay for what is essentially a discount voucher and claiming it as a gift. I don’t see why they wouldn’t get a voucher that covers a meal somewhere else.
Return it and say you cannot use and don’t want it to go to waste.

You could just have a bottle of house wine with your meal

Well yes, the £30 will cover the cost of a bottle of wine (possibly) but that still leaves £140 for the fancy set meal for the pair of them plus the cost of the babysitter, plus possibly coffees, water etc, depending on exactly what is included in the £70.

This 'generous gift' could cost nearly £200 to enjoy.

I hate this type of present. Its such a nominal amount towards overall the cost. It makes so many assumptions about your finances. The idea of seeing if lunch is cheaper is good, or if they do afternoon tea or something. Or is there someone who would like the voucher instead.

Sell it on.

We have someone who does this on a fairly regular basis - buys a voucher on Groupon, or similar, hands it over for a birthday / Christmas, often several weeks or even months after purchase , then continually asks when /whether we've used it yet. There are several problems here - there are usually a lot of restrictions attached to these vouchers and they can only be used at certain times. As I work in a school and can't just book a few days annual leave, many of the restricted times are the times when I can go. A couple of jumpers ago I ended up hating a couple of hundred pounds so that I could go at a time that fitted in with work. However, dh and I decided this was the last time we would do it. The most recent voucher was restricted to just a few days in the year and, since the voucher was already six months old when it was given to us, there were no bookings available in the remaining dates. I handed the voucher back to the giver and said that as we were unable to use it, maybe they could at least get a refund and that in future, it might be better for to worry about a gift for us - spend the money on others instead or make a charity donation in our name. I felt horrible doing it, but over the years we have spent a lot of money on things that we would never have chosen for ourselves, and which at times, frankly we couldn't afford.

Sadly, you may need to take a similar route if this is an ongoing problem. I think sometimes the givers don't realise the difficulties their well-meaning gifts can cause.

Who gave them to you and is it solely for you and your DH ?

I’d go with a friend for lunch then DH can have the kids.

I'd just go for drinks and nibbles if that's an option.

It will be a regift and you are probably the umpteenth recipient of the self same voucher. Just move it along!

I had this before for a day out. The gift voucher was for £20 towards s day out, the day out was going to cost us over £100 on top and was too expensive so it was a wasted gift and I did feel guilty but we just could not afford to go.

Who gave you that, OP?

Oops should have previewed!

Jumpers = years
hated= paying

It might be embarrassing but I would give it back otherwise you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of reruns (and it’s less embarrassing than if they find you passed it on to someone else).

Bluerussian did you read the OP? Your post makes no sense at all.

Could you go and just have desert and a glass of wine as an afternoon treat. Surely £60 would cover that. You also wouldn't be very long so even if you had to pay 2 hours of babysitting it wouldn't cost too much.

It was a member of DH's family who gave us the gift so it was definitely meant for both me and DH, not me and a friend. The gifter doesn't have children so I guess probably doesn't realise how that adds difficulties. It would actually be so much easier if I could go with a friend for lunch, we could have a lovely relaxing afternoon out and I wouldn't feel bad about leaving DH with the kids for the afternoon.

Think I'm just going to have to embrace it, see if I can organise someone to look after the kids and book DH and I in for lunch. Just seems so much hassle!

Ugh I would be annoyed by this. A gift shouldn't cost the recipient to spend it. £30 is obviously a fraction of what it'll actually cost to eat there.

Ask the gifter to watch your children whilst you go

Sell it on your local Faceboook group.

Sorry just realised it was £30 between you not £30 each.
Can you get a couple of puddings as take aways? A very posh restaurant near here actually has a little deli shop section attached to it and would do that. Otherwise just go in for a quick drink.

I don't know why people feel like this is an acceptable gift. Vouchers need to cover the cost of whatever they are for. Nobody would give a small part of a physical thing as a present and expect the recipient to buy the rest in order to be able to use it.

Just get a dessert and a glass of wine each at lunchtime. Take the kids with you

Flip for it & one of you go for lunch & enjoy it. You can then use the opportunity to tell the gifter 'thanks me & x had a lovely lunch at....' & if they ask why you can say crikey it would cost about £x & a lot of organising to do dinner at this stage. In a couple of years time that will be an option!

Just get a dessert
take the kids with you

The kind of restaurant that has a £70 per person set evening menu isn't going to waste a table of four on someone just wanting dessert or drinks, and probably isn't very toddler friendly.

Nobody would give a small part of a physical thing as a present and expect the recipient to buy the rest in order to be able to use it
An ex bf once gave me a wall lamp which would have entailed using an electrician to fit it, a plasterer to make good the wall and re-wallpapering afterwards. I think I sold it at a car boot sale.

Just go with a friend for lunch, I’m sure your DH wouldn’t mind and if the relative asks afterwards, just say you’d a lovely lunch the with a friend.

I think being ungrateful is taking it too far if you suspect the giver of being well intentioned but ill informed. My oh and I recieved a gift of cinema vouchers. We won't be using them but it was a kind enough gesture.