To be ungrateful to receive a gift that's going to cost me money?

[wintertime6]

I just don't understand why people think it's a nice thing to do? Me and DH were given a £30 voucher for a really fancy restaurant as a gift. Yes, I know that it would be lovely to go out for a nice meal, but it's a set menu in the evenings at £70 each, not including drinks. So in reality it's going to cost us well over £100 and we're just going to end up going for the sake of using the voucher, and will have to organise and pay for a babysitter on top!

I know I'm not going to enjoy it that much, knowing how much it's costing us, but I'd feel bad letting it go to waste and the person who bought us the voucher is definitely going to ask how we enjoyed the meal and I just can't lie!

I'd much rather have received a £30 voucher for a local pizza restaurant and we could have gone out some night as a family for a chilled out meal, I wouldn't have had to think about what to cook for anyone that night, and it would have been pretty much free!

I hate being ungrateful for gifts, but I just can't bring myself to feel grateful in anyway for receiving such an annoying present!!

I'd only go if you actually want to go. If you won't enjoy it through the extra cost, or the difficult childcare arrangements, then I'd not go. A gift is supposed to be enjoyed by the recipient, not to be an obligation or worry.

The money has already been spent, it's not any less wasted if you have a bad meal worrying about the extra costs.

If you decide to not go, you could sell it on a local fb site, say for £15. Or offer it as a raffle prize to a school fete or similar.

If they ask I'd politely say that unfortunately you weren't able to use it. It's not rude to not be able to use a gift. You aren't obliged to use a gift. It's a shame if they perceive that as rude, but I wouldn't incur costs for something I wouldn't enjoy to prevent their feeling disappointed.

Don’t go. If they ask why, be honest. It has regift written all over it

@Brefugee, why would you bin it and not give it back?

@KatyCarrCan, the lunch set menu is likely starting at £35 without drinks and tipping.

Personally i don't want to eat two courses of posher (wanky) food at lunchtime and pay for the privilege.

It would still cost the OP money however it was used. The children's lunch menu is usually around £12.50 each.

I'd give it back, just so it didn't go to waste, but say that it was a lovely thought.

I guess if they ask, you could lie and say you had used it but then go on to say what a dreadful meal you had had and that you would never go there again. That should stop them giving you more vouchers. but means you can never ever go there

Can you sell it on eBay, say for £20 so at least you get something for it

Did she say it was for dinner and not lunch? Maybe she only meant lunch, it sounds like you are presumptuous and ungrateful. I'm sure you could get a 1 course lunch.

Sell it.

@IdiotInDisguise Invite the one who gifted the voucher to come with you as Hubble cannot make it!

Brilliant!! That is what you should do OP.

I agree with a previous poster, deserts and coffee or quick lunch.

It is a gift. A short sighted one, but still a gift.

Go for a couple of cocktails; lunch for one; sell online; give to a friend. Plenty of options.

But rude to complain about it...

Take a friend for lunch - who cares if the gifter said it’s for you and DH! If they ask, explain honestly that it’s too expensive and a hassle.

As it was a joint present from DH's famy I'd tell him to go and take a friend. If gofter asks be honest

It seems strange that they wouldn’t look up the amount a meal goes for and give you that amount! I kind of get what you mean.

It's a gift that's not really a gift. More a pain. A sort of anti-gift.

I wouldn't agonise over what to do with it. Offer it to someone who might use it or return to the giver.(depending on your relationship with them).

Donate it as a raffle prize for a worthy cause.

Definitely not a place to take children. Lunch menu is a set menu too, things like venison and pigeon etc, no children's menu in sight! It's £35 each, plus drinks and tipping on top of course. Am going to see if I can organise someone to keep the kids and we'll go for lunch, and we'll not mention it to the gifter unless specifically asked, for fear of it looking like we loved the gift and getting similar again.

I really don't want to seem ungrateful, and I know it was given with good intentions, but it just seems such a hassle to have to arrange to go out for a lunch somewhere posh just for the sake of it, probably be rushing home again to sort out the kids and then get their dinner cooked, and have to pay for the privilege!

Absolutely agree with @GnomeDePlume. This was a regift, especially as you say it was from a family member without children. Or possibly a refund for something, or part of a raffle prize. It’s enough for one person to go for the lunch menu, or be refunded for lunch; nowhere near enough for even two people to go for lunch, if dinner set menu is £70. Definitely a CF somewhere in this chain. Either give it back and say it just won’t work with the children right now (don’t mention the idea of getting family to watch them for an evening) OR give it to someone else, but explain first why you don’t want it (can be done in a single, short text) so they can decide if they really do.

That is ridiculous. I wouldn't use it.

Cross posted with @HerkyBaby - I think this was a raffle prize. One for lunch as OP has just said set lunch is £35.

and I'm not sure who I would get to look after them as they can be quite a handful at this age

The person who gave you the voucher? Ask them anyway as the gift will go to waste otherwise and you can't afford the set evening meal. It might give them some thoughts about gifts in future.

SIL does this. She'll buy family members a £20 voucher for a notoriously expensive local restaurant, or the Spa at a 5* hotel. She does it so she can tell everyone "I got X a voucher for (insert name of posh place)" and they can tell her how generous and thoughtful she is. She neglects to mention the value of the voucher and that the recipient of her thoughtful gift will end up spending three times as much as she did in order to use it. Very irritating.

'I wouldn’t go and I’d give it back to them and apologetically say you can’t afford it. '

I know you say apologetically, but I would till feel a bit rude doing that.

It's not like it's costing OP anything automatically, only if she takes it up.

OP, you don't have to use this IMHO. My uncle always gives vouchers for those crappy activities packages etc- they aren't even usually local. I think he must get them free .

If the person asks, I'd just say you went and it was nice,. I get your point about it might mean you get similar in future though, but it's not harmful to get duff presents occasionally.

I also think this is likely a raffle prize. Sell it and if they ask say you gave it away as it wouldn't cover the cost of going there which oh isn't that a shame but at least it's gone to someone who can use it.