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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think private school has denied this kid a right of passage

242 replies

everythingnotsavedwillbelost · 27/10/2019 07:07

There was one kid in my DD’s primary that went to private school. Gets driven there every day. All the other 89 kids in the year went to the local comp, walk together in groups & have carried on the friendships from primary.
I know it’s the parents choice but it honestly reminds me of billionaire boy! This poor kid still lives in the area & has to watch all his friends walking together etc. Hasn’t settled well in new school & wants to hang out with old mates most of the time.
I get why the parents have done it- smaller classes etc but it seems like such a coddled existence. Secondary is a bit of a right of passage in some ways- they have to make their own way to school & grow up a bit. This kid won’t have that experience as the school is out of town & will always need to be driven. It sets him apart from his mates (which I guess is the nature of private education)
Aibu - I feel a bit sorry for the kid!

OP posts:
araiwa · 27/10/2019 07:13

Well its an original attack on private schools, ill give you that , but thousands of kids are driven to school so its a pretty rubbish attack

SurpriseSparDay · 27/10/2019 07:13
Hmm

Best not to think about it then ...

Didntwanttochangemyname · 27/10/2019 07:15

it's really not that devastating - you drive past people walking to a school, on your way to play with your friends at your school.

londonrach · 27/10/2019 07:15

What stopping him still hanging out with his friends. I had friends at different schools in my town. Ok not private but driven there because closer to parents work. We played together at weekends.

DonkeyHotty · 27/10/2019 07:16

I was that kid for a few years and yes it was alienating.

MoggyP · 27/10/2019 07:16

It's not the school that has denied the child the experience of walking there.

It's the parents who the school

I'm not convinced it's a key rite anyhow. Rural DC may never get to experience it.

Original poster
everythingnotsavedwillbelost · 27/10/2019 07:18

Well the kid is quite unhappy because he wants to go to school with his mates 🙄

OP posts:
Itallt0omuch · 27/10/2019 07:18

I wouldn't feel too sorry for him. He's likely to get a far better education than all those kids that "get to" walk to the local comp.

MsTSwift · 27/10/2019 07:18

I get it. I met a lovely woman a few years ago now a friend who grew up in the next village to me. Never knew she existed as she traveled to private school every day. She was an only child and said how lonely her teen years were as she knew no one locally - such a shame we never got to meet earlier!

MRex · 27/10/2019 07:19

He'll be learning which rite to write, right?

When we went to secondary school, everyone still kept friends who'd gone to different schools, I'm not sure why you think this boy shouldn't be able to do that. Probably best that you leave it to his own parents to worry about whether he's settling in ok or not at the new school.

lazylinguist · 27/10/2019 07:19

YABU. Kids go to different schooks for different reasons. Still wanting to hang out with his old friends is a good thing. Btw it's 'rite of passage'.

SurpriseSparDay · 27/10/2019 07:19

Really OP, unless this is your child, what possible business can it be of yours?

Mayborn · 27/10/2019 07:20

They’re not very good friends if they won’t let him hang out with them because he’s gone to another school. If they do hang out together then what’s the problem? Not much of a loss on his side either way I’d say.

SomeonesRealName · 27/10/2019 07:20

This was me, secondary school over an hour away, never home till 5.30pm and soon lost touch with local friends. Couldn't socialise with school friends due to the distance.

GreenTulips · 27/10/2019 07:22

He’s going to school for an education, school isn’t a social club.

DonkeyHotty · 27/10/2019 07:22

When I was said child I honestly couldn’t give a stuff about the education I was getting. I just wanted local mates! Unfortunately we drifted apart and I do believe I missed out on a certain rite of passage which my dds are now getting as kids at the ‘local como’.
Anyway I’m not private school bashing, there were many benefits in the long run to my parents’ choices, however I do agree with op on this point. I went back to state after a few years and was so happy to have local friends and feel like part of the community again.

Original poster
everythingnotsavedwillbelost · 27/10/2019 07:23

@SomeonesRealName yup and that is what’s happened. Kid has no time to socialise because of the distance travelled & is feeling isolated

OP posts:
Samplesss · 27/10/2019 07:23

Surely he can still be friends with them? And he will probably get a much better education and opportunities for further study when he finishes, so I don't think he'll be too upset then.

Delurked · 27/10/2019 07:24

I was also that child and yes it was a difficult adjustment and I felt lonely and out of place at times. Friendships from primary school didn't last as many of my old friends (encouraged by their parents) thought I had become a snob.

But I made new and lasting friendships and I'm pretty glad to have missed the "rite of passage" that was our local, permanently in and out of special measures, comprehensive. And very grateful to my (state-school educated, benefits reliant) single mother who made many sacrifices to give me the opportunity to have better chances than she had done (I was awarded a very hefty scholarship which covered almost all my fees, but there was nonetheless a social and financial impact on my family).

Original poster
everythingnotsavedwillbelost · 27/10/2019 07:25

@GreenTulips and I disagree. School is also about friends & being part of a community & learning to live as part of a community. The private school is an hour away, none of the kids are local & the kid is feeling isolated.

OP posts:
Original poster
everythingnotsavedwillbelost · 27/10/2019 07:26

Oh, and the local comp is excellent so I don’t go with the ‘better education’ arguments either!

OP posts:
Iggly · 27/10/2019 07:27

The fact it is a private school is irrelevant. It’s a school which is far away that’s the issue here.

DonkeyHotty · 27/10/2019 07:27

Also don’t forget that kids are fickle and live in the moment. There have been children that have left dds’ schools and as soon as they lose that day to day interaction and place in ‘the cast’ of day to day drama, they become largely forgotten about. It’s probably easier with SM these days though.

JacquesHammer · 27/10/2019 07:27

My DD travels past other schools to go to a state school in another two. 13 miles away.

Fortunately she gets your “right of passage” (sic) as she mostly travels herself.

Unless it’s your kid OP, sticky beak out.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/10/2019 07:28

I get what you mean. A happy child learns well. Dd was given the option of private. Did a trial day and declined. Her best friends have gone to different schools due to sibling rules as the schools no longer take out of catchment children. Most have gone to dds school. She is happy there and keeping in touch with other children regardless of which school they went to. Only one child from dds school went to private school from her year. Very low due to having such great schools around.