To think private school has denied this kid a right of passage

[everythingnotsavedwillbelost]

There was one kid in my DD’s primary that went to private school. Gets driven there every day. All the other 89 kids in the year went to the local comp, walk together in groups & have carried on the friendships from primary.
I know it’s the parents choice but it honestly reminds me of billionaire boy! This poor kid still lives in the area & has to watch all his friends walking together etc. Hasn’t settled well in new school & wants to hang out with old mates most of the time.
I get why the parents have done it- smaller classes etc but it seems like such a coddled existence. Secondary is a bit of a right of passage in some ways- they have to make their own way to school & grow up a bit. This kid won’t have that experience as the school is out of town & will always need to be driven. It sets him apart from his mates (which I guess is the nature of private education)
Aibu - I feel a bit sorry for the kid!

If his school is so far away that he doesn't have any time left to socialise, then how is he around to watch his friends walking to school?

The walk would do him good mind

I was the only kid at my primary to go to a private secondary school.
I remember being jealous of all the other kids maintaining their friendship groups, but actually it was good for me to learn to make new friends and socialise outside my circle. That’s an invaluable skill as an adult.
I’m still friends with some of my primary school classmates and none of them are in contact with each other now we’re adults so I can’t see why it matters so much.
Each education option will come with its own life lessons; don’t get up on your high horse about what other parents are doing with their kids.

I assume the OP invites the boy around for playdates at weekends seeing as she’s so worried about him missing out on local friendships?

FWIW I actively chose to go to a school further away from where most of my primary class went. Some of them were really rough and I didn’t want to be forced to interact with them for several more years. I’d hate to live in a small village with one school, where everyone grows up together and nobody leaves and if you dare to do something different like go to private school, it’s the talk of the town. It sounds suffocating.

Plenty of state school kids get driven to school also.

He won’t be the online being driven to school.

What’s stopping him hanging out with his old mates at weekends and evenings.

My 2 privately educated DS's have loads of friends. They also have each other which is far better than any "friends" they have. One gets driven and the other gets the train. The benefits of their school far out way the social bit walking together. Plus my youngest gets to school 1/2 hour before it starts where they are allowed to play in the playground together.

Also, I don't think walking to school is anything to get excited about. I ran home from my local comp many times after some older girls telling me they were going to kill me.

I live in a village close to our local secondary school and there are still plenty of children going to other schools. One friend who lives right next door to the school is sending her dc to the Catholic school 5 miles away instead as she thinks it's better. So I think it's really unusual nowadays for all the dc in an area to go to the same secondary. Even in my parents day some were going to grammar school.

@adaline I'm sorry that happened to you but that's not a good reason to not pick the best school for your kid.

Kids pick on differences - schools, accents, hair colour... it's poor behaviour and they should be taught not to do it.

I don't really mean your kid is riff raff but that's how people who send their kids to private school think. Their kids get a lifelong step up through life by networking with the children of successful people

The only person I’ve “met” who actually appears to think like this is actually a MN poster. They obviously think a lot of themselves as Private School Parent.

I’m waiting for them to arrive actually

He's probably telling his old friends he hates it and wishes he was with them at least partially to try and stop the inverse snobbery he's already coming across from them.

My dc are at a state school. However it's not the state school almost all from their primary go to. We're almost exactly mid way between the two.
As they set off, they meet their friends going the other way.
It was totally the right decision and not once have they wished they hadn't made that decision.
However a few of their friends have wished they had gone to the other school, some to the point of changing school even though
other school is generally rated better.
It's sometimes the case that a good school wouldn't suit a specific child.

@everythingnotsavedwilbelost I went to a Russell group, have a very successful career, state school educated. I did not go to the school where I lived because it was terrible, most of the children I knew at primary school did. They haven't had the same successes. You have a very romanticised view of the local comp.

I travelled to school as I went to a grammar school 40 mins away. I made amazing friends there who I’m still friends with now. I don’t remember anyone from primary school and that’s fine with me! I would hope by adulthood people have moved on from primary school friends! In fact, it was great to move to another school and learn to adapt and make new friends etc.

Of course, during the early days I missed my established friendship group but I quickly made new friends that have lasted a lifetime.

I can’t say I ever missed walking to school!

Is there a little bit of jealousy here Op?

A family friend used to moan to my mother a lot that ‘poor me’ was missing out (eg when the local went to Alton Towers for a school trip etc). I wasn’t. She had a chip the size of a golf ball on her shoulder though as her DS didn’t get into the same school.

Presumably it's only been a half term so far - I imagine he will probably settle in and make new friends. Private schools vary a lot, as do state schools but at my daughters' school, they make a big effort to promote new friendships in Y7. My daughter was at the prep school and many of her now friends are girls who joined new in Y7.

I live in a village with no secondary school. The local kids go to a range of schools after the village primary ends and none of them are accessible by public transport since the earliest bus gets in at 9am to the town centre and they'd need another bus to the schools. There is a coach service to two of the schools in one town but lots of kids go to the other town and have to be driven.

I drive mine to school but they could get a bus home if they hang around after school. I think my younger (Y6) is not ready for it but come lighter evenings, I'll let my older (Y7) try. The bus isn't till 5.30pm but they can stay in school till 6pm or they can get a bus into town and browse the shops/get a hot chocolate somewhere.

We moved to this village 2 years ago. Despite not going to the village school, my kids have made friends in the village. Yes, they mainly see them weekends but they still see them. It's not impossible - if kids and parents are open-minded. A lot of parents round here go private so it's not seen as unusual.

I do feel sorry for him, yes. But he may well make friends at his new school. He may (not guaranteed) get less disruption in class, higher aspirations from peers, smaller classses with more tuition, better grades and a better chance at a better uni than if he had hung out with mates and bowed to peer pressure. Hard to know. My DC go to a private school far away and have zero friends locally. Sometimes I think this is sad, but I also know that they were ridiculed and ostracised by pretty much every child they went to state primary with, for being geeky and serious. They have very strong friendships at their private school where being geeky is seen as seriously cool and doesn;t stop you being invited to parties and gigs and having a strong social life. I'm so glad I made that choice but if they had been super popular it might have been harder to make and harder for them to settle.

Sometimes it’s very good for kids to have the opportunity to break out of the expected norm and experience a new challenge. This boy will meet new kids and have the opportunity to get involved in loads of new clubs and hobbies. It’s only the first term he will no doubt settle in soon.
Oh and lots of state school kids get driven to school for lots of different reasons.

I don’t see the issue, he can meet with friends after school.

This was me, not private school it was catholic. I didn't know anyone locally and was desperate to go the local comp, but in all honesty it was as rough as fuck. I wouldn't have lasted five minutes there, very skinny, big teeth and although I'm not posh, I was considered to be.

There are some massive and ignorant assumptions on here

We live rurally, and the only realistic option for secondary school is in the nearest market town 4 miles away. Fortunately this is a very good comprehensive school with many pupil destinations to Russell Group universities, and some to Oxbridge.

Out of the 21 pupils in DD's year at primary school 20 of them went to this school, with one going to a private school in the next city. I have no idea how she fared though. DD didn't stay friends with anyone from primary school BTW.

PS just a reminder that "Russell Group" is a fee-charging marketing organisation, not a quality mark. All schools and universities should be examined on their merits, not on their labels.

I walked to school every day with all the other kids in the village. We walked over a mile to the local, failing, rough comprehensive school in the middle of a crime ridden estate. I hated every minute of it. The fights, the bullying, the wind and rain and the mud on the village roads. If someone wanted to whisk me to an exclusive private school by car every day that would have been a dream come true.

He's missing out on nothing. A walk to school isn't a rite of passage, it's awful. It's none of your business anyway.

I went to private prep and secondary school - I still have friends from both schools and had a perfectly normal teenage life!

I think OP is jealous!

My sil would agree with you op. Her family decided to 'gift' her DS a private education towards the end of primary, at the same time his parents moved to a big house miles away from all his friends. 4 years on he's only made a couple of friends who live at the other end of the city. Kids don't play out where they live now so their DS spends all his time alone gaming in his room. By contrast my DS goes to the local school, small catchment, all his friends live within a few minutes walk and they play out together most days/walk to school together etc, basically he has a very similar childhood to mine back in the 70's, lots of independence and opportunities to develop skills such as conflict resolution and compromise amongst others (without adult intervention). He's also had the same friends since nursery and it's been lovely watching their friendships grow over the years. My sil is always saying how lucky my ds is to have that but luck has nothing to do with it. I chose the area we live in because of how child friendly it is. In monetary terms we are the 'poor relations' but my DS has a much richer childhood and my sil would be the first to admit it.

If all kids had that rite of passage my commute to work would be great...but kids are driven to schools in their droves...

I'm sorry that happened to you but that's not a good reason to not pick the best school for your kid

@UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea

Yes, you're right. But I'll never be able to afford Private School so my kids will be stuck with the local comp!