To think I'm not the selfish one here

[highlowchicalow]

I gave birth to my DS 10 days ago. It was a very traumatic birth. I was in labour for 18 hours after a failed induction which resulted in my waters being broken and then ended in an emergency csection after a failed forceps delivery.

I've suffered with femoral nerve palsy which means I cannot walk without crutches and also am on antibiotics for a haemotoma which partially opened up my wound. On top of all this I'm breastfeeding my baby and he is feeding almost consistently so I'm very overwhelmed right now.

I'm finding it very stressful and am in a lot of pain and discomfort.

My brother's DD is autistic and therefore they don't like to say no to her a lot and always try to give her what she wants to avoid meltdowns.

Her mom (SIL) has asked if my DN can stay over as she is obsessed with DS. DH said yes without even asking me and now I've had to tell him to say no.

SIL and DB have become really angry at me and told me I'm being selfish. I broke down and told them I'm really struggling and think it's unfair they want me (DN will stick to me like glue, won't let DH look after her) to look after another child when I can't even look after my own properly due to my injuries and have to heavily rely on DH to help me look after myself too.

They still stand by what they said. I am selfish and should have DN to stay because I know what she is like, and she won't like being told she can't come.

I've also found out one of DH closest friends are frustrated as we had to rearrange them coming to meet DS as I had to go back to hospital to get my hematoma checked out.

Am I seriously being selfish? I hate to think I'm upsetting people but I'm really struggling here and just feel like I need time to get to grips with things

Of course you aren't being unreasonable, all these people who are so upset that your injuries and having a newborn are inconveniencing them are morons.

The only ones being selfish is them! You can't help your injuries and should surely be able to try and understand how difficult having visitors stay over would be right now!

I have two girls with asd. They still hear the word no. They don’t always get what they want. Your brother is being beyond selfish expecting you to look after a child with Sen having just had a baby and a very difficult birth. Is he not used to being told no? Sometimes plans change and believe me I know how change can cause problems with kids asd but sometimes it’s unavoidable.

And no you’re not being selfish. The key people here are you and your son. You’ve had a hell of a time and need looking after. I hope you heal quickly and enjoy your son.

From the sounds of things, if you don't put yourself first then no one else will.

Sod the lot of them. Your needs are greater than theirs. You've just had surgery and have a new baby to look after.

You are not being selfish.

They are all pricks.

You're surrounded by bastards. Wtf was your DH thinking?

Good lord no you are not being selfish at all - selfless if you ask me still breastfeeding with everything else going on as well. Take absolutely no notice put yourself and your baby first. I hope you recover quickly.

YANBU

DH needs to get a backbone

yanbu, selfish idiots the lot of them.

boohoo for your niece. Who cares about what she wants right now. That's not your problem.

And as for the friends having to reschedule, tough shit that's life.

Fgs you've had a traumatic time and given birth. People need to be accommodating to you, not the other way around. I think your husband is the root of this. If he makes you a priority then everyone else will know where they stand.

You poor thing. I'm sorry to say your husband should be putting his foot down and protecting his lovely wife! They are incredibly selfish and unreasonable. If it were me I'd be telling my husband how let down iam and I'd be going to spend a couple of weeks at my mums to recoup and bond with my child, he would get no say and if people put there noses in why you've left poor hubby I'd tell them the truth about his disgusting family.

OP if you were my sister or freind in be insisting that you come over to mine to give you a rest x

They are all the selfish idiots here. Tell them 'I have a newborn baby and a birth injury. I'm not running around looking out for anyone else right now'. And put your DH on notice he should be prioritising you and the baby.

Your DH needs to wise up and fast. Was it him who told you that his mates were annoyed? If he wasn't going to preface it with "I can't believe what absolute tools Victor and Hugo are being" he should have kept it to himself. Have a word with him. Your needs come first right now.

You are not being selfish, they are.

Put yourself and baby first, and make sure your DH puts you and baby first as well.

Seriously is your dh an idiot? Why the hell did he agree in the first place?

As for the rest of them they are selfish fuckers, you should call them on it. They only wanted the break, they don't give a shit about you clearly

Your DH ought to be ashamed of himself for not protecting you from these awful people. Just say no to everyone & everything until you are fully recovered.

YANBU. They all sound batshit.

You're surrounded by bastards. Wtf was your DH thinking?

^This

You poor thing and no way should you have an autistic child to look after on top of this!
I have an autistic child and I would never ever leave them with someone in pain and with a new baby . You and your baby are the priority.. I feel
Upset on your behalf OP.

Yanbu. What a bunch of selfish arseholes. Do you have someone to advocate for you as your husband is considerably shit at it. Do you have a parent or sibling that can come over and act as your gatekeeper or could you go to theirs?

You are not being unreasonable or selfish.

They're being absolute assholes and your husband should be backing you 100%. Easy for him to agree to it if he won't be dealing with the child

Good grief. I can't believe you are being treated like this. What is the matter with these people - your 'D'H in particular???

They all need to fuck right off. They’re being selfish not you. Luckily it’s your brother so you don’t need to hold back and can tell him exactly how you feel

Imagine imposing on the mother of a 10 day old

Leaving the sleepover issue aside, because that’s batshit, OP are you getting enough support otherwise? You had a traumatic delivery, and are a new, tired mother also recovering from major surgery. Is your DH and family supportive/helpful in other ways?