To think I'm not the selfish one here

[highlowchicalow]

I gave birth to my DS 10 days ago. It was a very traumatic birth. I was in labour for 18 hours after a failed induction which resulted in my waters being broken and then ended in an emergency csection after a failed forceps delivery.

I've suffered with femoral nerve palsy which means I cannot walk without crutches and also am on antibiotics for a haemotoma which partially opened up my wound. On top of all this I'm breastfeeding my baby and he is feeding almost consistently so I'm very overwhelmed right now.

I'm finding it very stressful and am in a lot of pain and discomfort.

My brother's DD is autistic and therefore they don't like to say no to her a lot and always try to give her what she wants to avoid meltdowns.

Her mom (SIL) has asked if my DN can stay over as she is obsessed with DS. DH said yes without even asking me and now I've had to tell him to say no.

SIL and DB have become really angry at me and told me I'm being selfish. I broke down and told them I'm really struggling and think it's unfair they want me (DN will stick to me like glue, won't let DH look after her) to look after another child when I can't even look after my own properly due to my injuries and have to heavily rely on DH to help me look after myself too.

They still stand by what they said. I am selfish and should have DN to stay because I know what she is like, and she won't like being told she can't come.

I've also found out one of DH closest friends are frustrated as we had to rearrange them coming to meet DS as I had to go back to hospital to get my hematoma checked out.

Am I seriously being selfish? I hate to think I'm upsetting people but I'm really struggling here and just feel like I need time to get to grips with things

Well done you for sticking up for yourself, it must have been so hard when everyone else seems to be ganging up against you.

Just to echo what everyone else has said, you're not being unreasonable at all. I can't believe this was even asked of you.

You are not being selfish! Tell DH you're not doing it and let him handle the fallout. Ignore everything that isn't relevant to you or baby and tell DH he needs to support you in that. Hope you heal well and swiftly

Fuck the absolute lot of them. Complete idiots.

They should never have asked and dh shouldnt have said yes!

If they dare think they can continue on without a grovelling apology I'd be telling them they better get used to none of them ever being allowed in your home again. Yanbu.

Oh goodness there is no way you are being selfish. They sound incredibly thoughtless. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job.

FFS NO! Of course you're not being selfish! But they are, and utter gits to have the audacity to even expect you to look after your niece. And the "friends" can quit their whining too.

Looks like you're going to have to make sure your husband puts his brain in gear before he goes agreeing to stupid shit like that.

Any more shit like this, keep putting your foot down, you're not selfish, or unreasonable. All you need to do is concentrate on your new baby, and healing your body.

Fuck that! I often find new mums can be precious but it's outrageous to even suggest it, let alone moan when you say no.

Fuck them.
for you.

Yanbu they are selfish and asd or not, your in laws are setting themselves up to raise a brat if they refuse to say no.

Your husband should be giving them short shift as well as not promising such stupid things! As well as telling his friend to stop being so pathetic.

That is terrible! They have spoiled and indulged their daughter and now they want you to look after her when you've just had major surgery?

This is a time when they should be all helping you, not vice versa.

YANBU or selfish. This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard on mumsnet. At 10 days pp I stood im the shower and sobbed because I was so exhausted and I had zero health issues going on. The 10 day clusterfeeding marathon almost did me in. No way can you handle throwing another child into the mix, especially if you are a FTM. Ypur life had been turned upside down in the most brutal, wonderful, exciting, exhausting way. Your relatives are being fucking cruel. I hope they read this thread so they can hear it from other women too: STOP BEING SO FUCKING SELFISH STUPID FAMILY MEMBERS!!! The only acceptable thing they can do is stay out of your home and let you recover. Your dh needs to pull his socks up too. To your DH: your wife is currently recovering from a traumatic birth. She needs to build herself a little nest, either in bed or on the settee. You need to put drinks and snacks in easy reach of her nest. You need to fetch and carry everything and anything else she needs. When your wife has finished feeding, hold your baby so that she can sleep. Enjoy bonding with your son and send the rest of the world away unless they turn up armed with a nice meal and know not to overstay their welcome. Op, ignore those fuckers and rest. The clusterfeeding will secure your supply for your growing baby and things will start to even out. But rest, rest, rest now.

They are 100 percent being selfish, not you. Please put yourself and your baby first. Ask hubby to always ask you first before agreeing anything. Hiw dare they palm off their kid whis hard work onto you, when you've just had a baby?!!! 🤯

I can’t believe they actually asked! how on earth could they even think that would be ok?

Did you babysit your niece a lot before?
Sounds like your BIL is mad his free babysitter appliance won’t do as she’s told.

Did you know you were in a commune marriage

you're not being selfish at all, you're db and sil are being extremely selfish.
You've got a lot going on, its definitely time for you to be selfish.

Ha! Wow. Some people just don't understand.

You've just been through such a traumatic time, you don't have to have ANY visitors over.

In fact, you don't have to have visitors - or make excuses about why - regardless of whether you've been through something or not.. and it's rude for people to suggest it, and for your husband to agree to it, without asking you first.

This is a time to tell them to all fuck off.

should have DN to stay because I know what she is like, and she won't like being told she can't come.

3 little words.......

Tough.Fucking.Shit

(SIL) has asked if my DN can stay over

My reply would be 😂😂😂

Your SIL and your DH are massively unreasonable here

Oh my god, what horrendous people! They sound extremely self absorbed.

You really need to lock the doors against all visitors until things get easier for you. It’s totally unreasonable for anyone to expect anything from you right now.

Your husband should be standing up for you and fending these people off.

You poor woman OP, of course they are totally unreasonable and disgustingly selfish.

What sort of a selfish man have you married.

Clearly this isn't the first time they have trod all over you.

Have you family nearby?

I would pack and go to them and tell your husband and everyone exactly how disgusting your SIL and brother are, and what a useless twat you have married.

Completely unbelievable.

You need to find the strength as a new mother to stand up for yourself or you have a long miserable life ahead of.

Personally, I wouldn't care if I never saw your bitch of a SIL an Brother again.

Clearly they couldn't care less.

Mind yourself 💐 and get real life support.

Having read the full op I'd bollock the DH for saying yes and put a blanket ban on any visitors until you are well enough for them.

Fuck them if they don't like it.