A womans assurance that she is using contraception.

[perkypink]

I'm not too sure how to title this.

A man and a woman enter into an adult consensual sexual relationship. The woman assures the man that she is using contraception (whether or not this is being used correctly is a different matter) and is happy to have sex without a condom (whether this is explicitly expressed or not). It is assumed when they have consensual sex and a condom is not used. A woman falls pregnant.

I don't understand why when the woman falls pregnant and the man wants to absolve his parental responsibility does the calls of 'was he using a condom' start. No - he wasn't using a condom because there was an assurance that contraception was being used and you were happy without using a condom.

When you are having that initial conversation about contraception and a woman assures a man she is using contraception and is happy without using a condom I feel the shouts blame on the man after when he doesn't want to be a father is sometimes unfair when he has acted on the word of the woman.

I am really interested to hear other peoples thoughts on the matter. Should there be better sex ed and should boys be told never to trust anybodys word on whether they are using contraception?

Having sex leads to babies. If a man wants to avoid that risk 100%, then he should wear a condom or abstain.

Anyone who doesn't want a child should ensure they are themselves using protection. Any man who doesn't wear a condom or hasn't had the snip is a fool unless:

1. His goal is to father a child or
2. He is in a very long term committed relationship in which children feature at some point in the future (therefore wouldn't be the end of the world if the end result happened sooner).

Every person undertaking PIV should use adequate protection of their own to ensure they have maximum protection against having a child they don't want.

Any man who doesn't want his partner to get pregnant should use a condom irrespective of what he's told about contraception being used.
If I were a man in that position I would use a condom 100% of the time.

should boys be told never to trust anybodys word on whether they are using contraception?

Boys should be told "sex with a condom or no sex at all".

Very few women are mental enough to get intentionally pregnant by an unwilling man. However, there's always the odd nutcase about, so safety first, boys. 🎁

Controversial, my thoughts are that if a man has sex with a woman without a condom, he should be prepared to have a baby with said woman. If he absolutely does not want a baby with said woman he should wear condom as extra security.

I have a friend who got pregnant on the pill.

Did you start a similar thread to this a short while ago that got zapped?

The condom is the man’s assurance that he is using contraception. The woman can’t take his precautions for him. Only he can do that. She can take her own (which of course come with a risk of failure anyway) but his assurances are down to him. If a woman falls pregnant the man is just as responsible as the woman.

Bottom line- any man who doesn’t want to create a pregnancy should be using a condom regardless of what contraception his partner is on. His contraception is up to him

A condom will not guarantee no pregnancy.

But no condom at all is even less of a guarantee.

Yes @rolytherhino I didn't know you couldn't link another thread. So I just uploaded again.

Yeah, I don’t get that POV.

It’s not exactly unheard of for contraception to not work, whether that’s because of user error or pure unluckiness.

And every single man will be able to tell you of some poor friend, colleague or acquaintance who got “tricked” into fathering a dc with a women who claimed to be on the pill.

So no, I have no sympathy for them whatsoever.

So what is your AIBU question?

There is a difference between using contraception and knowing misusing contraception i.e. I know several women who “forgot” the pill, realised and conveniently forgot to tell their sexual partner. That, in my view, is entrapment.

On the flip side, with proper usage of hormonal contraception, I disagree that that alone allow the man to morally absolve himself of responsibly to any subsequent child.

I think entrapment should be taken more seriously and be akin to rape. Many, many women do it accidentally on purpose and its completely unfair.

Men have a responsibility but they should also be able to trust a woman’s word. As woman should men.

All contraception has a failure rate. If you have sex you risk becoming a parent. Simple as that.

No, we shouldn't be teaching boys that women aren't trustworthy, we should be teaching everybody to take responsibility for their own fertility.

Is the man capable of reading and basic comprehension in this scenario?

Does he realise that the only way to completely 100% avoid pregnancy is not to have PIV sex and that if he does there is a chance, even when the pill is being taken perfectly under scientific conditions, but especially if it is being taken imperfectly (as most people do), that it will fail.

That's why it is generally recommended that if you 100% cannot risk having a baby, you use two methods of contraception or you abstain from ejaculating inside a woman full stop.

If a man doesn't want a baby he needs to use his own contraception and not take for granted someone else's word. And I'd say the same to a woman too, if you don't want to get pregnant don't trust a man using a condom. It's about personal responsibility.

I would think any man not wearing a condom when having sex with a new or short term partner is very stupid on two counts. The first because he's taking her word that she is both on contraception and using it correctly, and the second because condoms help protect against STIs.

Any man having sex with a woman needs to accept that it may result in pregnancy. The chances of it resulting in pregnancy will vary depending on the precautions taken so the less he wants a baby, the more precautions he should be taking. Belt and braces.

@FunOnTheBeach20 Yes I completely agree that when contraception is misused it should be classed as entrapment.

I also roll my eyes a little at this 'contraception failure' argument. Funnily enough it always happens to women who were planning on another child but the father wasn't keen.

The only time a condom can be skipped is in a long term committed relationship that involves earned trust. Anything else is not worth the risk.

So yes, the first question will always be did he use a condom.

I think it depends. Its not that clear cut. If you know someone well you know if they are trustworthy and also organised and informed - both of which you need to be for the pill to work (to take it at the same time every day and to be aware that sickness and antibiotics can affect).

If you dont know someone well you don't know whether they are lying or taking it properly so until you know them well, if I was a man, I'd use condoms yes. Ans maybe discussions like this should be had in schools

Yabu, they should wear a condom to take responsibility on their end to try and prevent pregnancy.

Men have a responsibility but they should also be able to trust a woman’s word. As woman should men.

Or they could take responsibility of their own fertility and their own sexual health and put a condom on to reduce the chances of pregnancy rather than relying on their partner to do so.

Any sex can equal baby whether there is contraception used or not. If you aren’t willing to risk a pregnancy don’t have sex and certainly don’t trust someone saying they’re on the pill etc protect yourself too.