A womans assurance that she is using contraception.

[perkypink]

I'm not too sure how to title this.

A man and a woman enter into an adult consensual sexual relationship. The woman assures the man that she is using contraception (whether or not this is being used correctly is a different matter) and is happy to have sex without a condom (whether this is explicitly expressed or not). It is assumed when they have consensual sex and a condom is not used. A woman falls pregnant.

I don't understand why when the woman falls pregnant and the man wants to absolve his parental responsibility does the calls of 'was he using a condom' start. No - he wasn't using a condom because there was an assurance that contraception was being used and you were happy without using a condom.

When you are having that initial conversation about contraception and a woman assures a man she is using contraception and is happy without using a condom I feel the shouts blame on the man after when he doesn't want to be a father is sometimes unfair when he has acted on the word of the woman.

I am really interested to hear other peoples thoughts on the matter. Should there be better sex ed and should boys be told never to trust anybodys word on whether they are using contraception?

Yes, he will made to understand that condoms are his responsibility and he should wear them on all occasions, unless trying for a child

Now if youd said that we’d all be nodding along

There is a massive difference between the above and ‘you can’t trust the word of a woman when it comes to contraception’

Your second statement is exactly what i tell ds2 so im sure your boy will have fantastic relationships

Yes, he will made to understand that condoms are his responsibility and he should wear them on all occasions, unless trying for a child

So very different than “don’t trust a woman”

Well that would be him completely exaggerating to the context of the discussion, he would know better than that

I know that now

You've said that no woman can be trusted.

No I never said that.

In the instances I've heard of, some men just 'assumed' the woman was on the pill. Why would you just assume?

What about the women who put holes in the condoms? Doesn't happen a lot, but some women are just that crazy. What then?

Why would you just assume?

Because contraception is a women’s job.

Plus you assume that you can pat yourself on the back whilst you engage in unprotected sex.

Why would you just assume?

I know, It would be totally crazy to assume that. That's why we need to be teaching our boys how to protect themselves.

I read this horrid article recently about informed consent and pretending to have had a vasectomy;

www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/uk-england-49127545

Quick round up of the male contraceptive pill progress 👌
www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/health-47691567

Blueoasis

What about the women who put holes in the condoms? Doesn't happen a lot, but some women are just that crazy. What then?

Here is a thought, dont sleep with crazies or anyone until you know them well, willibg to risk havibg a child with them and bring and look after your own condoms or get the snip. Sex isnt a human right ffs. Youwont die if you dobt fuck anyone

Here is a thought, dont sleep with crazies or anyone until you know them well

Top advice. I’d like to see it added to leaflets at women’s refuges. Those careless victims of DV....

My mum has always drilled into my brother to never believe a woman when they say they're on contraception. Weird thing to drill in to someone but he has no kids so 🤷🏾‍♀️

If a man 100% doesn’t want to be a father he should ensure a backup/2nd contraceptive should be used, and the most easily available to him is a condom

If a man 100% doesn’t want a child, then he should abstain. Or accept the fact that no contraception is 100% effective!

My mum has always drilled into my brother to never believe a woman when they say they're on contraception. Weird thing to drill in to someone but he has no kids so

I actually don't think it's a weird thing to drill into a son. Pessimistic, yes but there are too many people that appear to have 'accidents' on the pill it's total bullshit.

Most 'accidents' mean the woman forgot to take it, or else if this wasn't the case I'd be really worried about the failure rate of a pill that's supposed to be over 99 percent effective.

So I understand why your mum would say this, because you can't trust anyone but yourself IMO

Here is a thought, dont sleep with crazies or anyone until you know them well, willibg to risk havibg a child with them and bring and look after your own condoms or get the snip. Sex isnt a human right ffs. Youwont die if you dobt fuck anyone

Wtf? That's really quite appalling that you think that.

Do you blame women too for getting pregnant to men who then beat them up or abandon them with the child? You must if that's your attitude.

You can't possibly know anyone or what they may or may not do. Look at all the 20+ year marriages that end in divorce because one of them cheated. I take it if that's your attitude, you will remain sex less for your entire life, as you can only really trust yourself.

I haven't left. Yabu based on your OP.
When you are having that initial conversation about contraception and a woman assures a man she is using contraception and is happy without using a condom
Many many men use this excuse when a woman gets pregnant, she told me she was on the pill, personally I think many men are liar's, they probably don't even ask about contraception they focus on the end game of getting the penis in and worry about the consequences later.
My BIL has 4 DC before he married Dsis. 3 different women, he uses this excuse to not see the children from 2 of the wonen, blames the mother of the other two, as his reason for no contact.

I always do an inner eye roll when I hear the phrase "contraception failure". I've known far too many people who have admitted that their "happy accidents" weren't quite so much of an accident as people thought.

I remember a particular colleague I had who had been with her boyfriend for five years and was desperate for a child. He was not. She was very open with me about the fact that she missed at least 2 pills every week and was gutted every month that she hadn't "accidentally" fallen pregnant yet. I know in Mumsnet land all men are complete monsters, but I did feel sorry for her completely oblivious boyfriend. He had been with her five years and they owned a house together. He clearly trusted her. Why would he have any reason to doubt her?

I always do an inner eye roll when I hear the phrase "contraception failure"

It is perfectly possible you know!

I have never, ever taken a pill late in my life. I have, however had a period of 6 months when despite my “perfect” use, I wasn’t at all protected due to GP error. Good job I always insist on condoms, however much I trust my partner!

I agree that boys should be taught by parents and sex education to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy (and sti) by using a condom, regardless of other forms of contraception that may be used.

It is too risky to trust another person, they may intentionally not take contraception properly or it could be inadvertently rendered ineffective due to a vomiting bug or antibiotic use.

I also know of two women who 'got pregnant whilst on the pill'. They were dating men who were a 'good catch' in terms of income / prospects but weren't in a rush to propose. Could have been an accident of course...

Both are now married to those men with the family they wanted so things worked out, but you wonder whether they would have ended up together if the pregnancy hadn't forced the issue.

My mum has always drilled into my brother to never believe a woman when they say they're on contraception. Weird thing to drill in to someone but he has no kids so

How delightful. It was always drilled into me "no contraception is 100%, so unless you want children, abstain or double Dutch on protection".

Haven't read the thread but as a mother of boys I will be hammering home to them that they must use a condom for their own protection unless actually married. It's not worth the risk for young men. So yes, if a man is that desperate to avoid having children he needs to take care of it himself.

My mum has always drilled into my brother to never believe a woman when they say they're on contraception. Weird thing to drill in to someone but he has no kids so

I tell my 2 sons this too it's not just about not believing the woman there are too many factors which can affect how the pill works, people are fallible and could have forgotten to take It, been ill, on meds but they didn't know it affects the pill etc never mind the risk of stds.
If they are mature enough to have sex then they need to take responsibility for themselves.

Once they are in a proper loving respectful long term relationship then they have the conversation about pregnancy not before.
It's not "weird" at all. I don't want my kids having kids themselves and having that responsibility for life just because they were too lazy to prevent it.

Well, as a mum of boys I will advise them to be smart and use a condom. Because if they want to really reduce their chances of a woman falling pregnant they need to take their own precautions too.

And there are women who do lie about being on the pill. Whoever says no woman has ever done this is completely and utterly deluded

I’m also a mum of one girl, and I hope she never lies about stuff like that. I will try to bring her up to be an honest person so hopefully it won’t even cross her mind.

Whoever says no woman has ever done this is completely and utterly deluded

HAS anyone said that on this thread?