A womans assurance that she is using contraception.

[perkypink]

I'm not too sure how to title this.

A man and a woman enter into an adult consensual sexual relationship. The woman assures the man that she is using contraception (whether or not this is being used correctly is a different matter) and is happy to have sex without a condom (whether this is explicitly expressed or not). It is assumed when they have consensual sex and a condom is not used. A woman falls pregnant.

I don't understand why when the woman falls pregnant and the man wants to absolve his parental responsibility does the calls of 'was he using a condom' start. No - he wasn't using a condom because there was an assurance that contraception was being used and you were happy without using a condom.

When you are having that initial conversation about contraception and a woman assures a man she is using contraception and is happy without using a condom I feel the shouts blame on the man after when he doesn't want to be a father is sometimes unfair when he has acted on the word of the woman.

I am really interested to hear other peoples thoughts on the matter. Should there be better sex ed and should boys be told never to trust anybodys word on whether they are using contraception?

HAS anyone said that on this thread?

I’ve not read it to be honest, so I was just saying it just in case.

Whoever says no woman has ever done this is completely and utterly deluded

I don't think anyone is arguing that its not a shitty thing to do. What people are saying is we as individuals need to take responsibility for our own fertility. If we can't trust the other person, or are very against having a baby with that person, then we should make sure we are covered for birth control on our own end.

Lessthanzero I completely agree.

If he don't want a child he should wrap it up. She is taking the pill to prevent it but it's not 100%effective. She's however doing her bit. If the man doesn't want a child what did he do to prevent it in this situation. NOTHING. If the woman gets a stomach bug for example the day after sex her body may not process the pill correctly that day and she could still get pregnant from the day before. Had he wrapped it unless it split there would be no baby.

If you’re telling your child don’t trust a woman/man when they say they’re on the pill/infertile etc you’re actually doing them a disservice and setting them up for unplanned pregnancy and here’s why. Your child will become involved in a committed relationship with someone they do completely trust and who is faithfully taking their pill/using condoms properly etc. So they know that person is using their pill/condoms exactly as it’s supposed to be used. But what do we all know about those contraceptives? They all have a failure rate. All of them. Using the pill perfectly still leaves your child at risk of conceiving/impregnating. And it won’t be anything to do with their partner deceiving them which is what they were told would cause a pregnancy.

If you want your child to always use a condom/take their pill then you tell them to “never trust a condom/pill alone“ tell them to always use a back up. If a girl tells your son she is in the pill he should be thinking “good, that means we’re using two forms of contraceptives” not “good- that means I don’t have to bother”.

I’m also a mum of one girl, and I hope she never lies about stuff like that. I will try to bring her up to be an honest person so hopefully it won’t even cross her mind.

And your boys?

I'm bringing up daughters, and they are being brought up with the mantra - two, count 'em, TWO forms of contraception, one of them always to be a condom. That way they are both protected as much as possible, not just from pregnancy, but also from STI's. The irony is that one is lesbian, and the other is bi. The point still stands! (Except for the condom bit for the lesbian. But each individual should take personal responsibility for their sexual health, and procreation.)

My ex bil tells anyone who listens that he was tricked into having kids and that my sis told him she was on the pill. She was indeed on the pill, but was also put onto medication (Metformin, for diabetes) that rendered the contraceptive pill she was on completely useless. Her GP wasn't aware of that, as he'd never before had to prescribe Metformin to a woman of childbearing age apparently (or maybe he had and they were just lucky enough not to fall Pg). She didn't trick him in any way, she was probably more devastated than him when she fell pg the first time, but together they decided to have the baby. He still claims she tricked him, and he has been forced into fatherhood (we won't even mention the second child that they actively tried to conceive)

I have always believed and taught my children that sex leads to babies. You should reserve any activity likely to lead to pregnancy for someone you are willing to have a baby with. If you choose to have unprotected sex - and that includes casual sex with someone you barely know, so cannot possibly trust - then you need to take responsibility for avoiding creating an unplanned child. If you then end up pregnant, or get someone pregnant, you are responsible.

And your boys?

Of course! But the subject on this thread is about being honest about whether you’re on the pill or not. That only applies to one of my children doesn’t it?

Definitely boys as well. More important almost for boys to fully understand informed and enthusiastic consent alongside the workings of effective contraception and the responsibility where contraception isn’t used properly and a pregnancy results.
They shouldn’t be having sex with people they can’t or haven’t had those conversations with. Anything else I should fecklessness.

If you are bloke who doesn't want to be a dad, effing take responsibility and use a condom. Don't expect to staff it out to someone else. Plus condoms have 98% success rate so if you want 100%, have the snip!

Is there a reason he couldn’t take responsibility for his own ejaculate?

Whoever said entrapment is akin to take should be ashamed.

@rockingchaircandle

Not ashamed. Wholeheartedly believe it’s rape if consent wouldn’t have been given in the circumstances. Oddly the courts seem to agree, atleast where the choice to is for women... see previous posts.

Is there a reason he couldn’t take responsibility for his own ejaculate?

This is my favourite comment ever, about anything.

I got pregnant by accident whilst using the coil. Is that dishonest of me?

Fun i can see how you could possibly say fraud but surely not rape, was the sperm obtained at knife point? It's an absurd comparison.

thigh rape very rarely involves a knife.

rape very rarely involves a knife

It always involves a penis though!

Of course! I was just correcting the idea that it had to involve a knife for it to be rape.

It’s non consensual sex.