A womans assurance that she is using contraception.

[perkypink]

I'm not too sure how to title this.

A man and a woman enter into an adult consensual sexual relationship. The woman assures the man that she is using contraception (whether or not this is being used correctly is a different matter) and is happy to have sex without a condom (whether this is explicitly expressed or not). It is assumed when they have consensual sex and a condom is not used. A woman falls pregnant.

I don't understand why when the woman falls pregnant and the man wants to absolve his parental responsibility does the calls of 'was he using a condom' start. No - he wasn't using a condom because there was an assurance that contraception was being used and you were happy without using a condom.

When you are having that initial conversation about contraception and a woman assures a man she is using contraception and is happy without using a condom I feel the shouts blame on the man after when he doesn't want to be a father is sometimes unfair when he has acted on the word of the woman.

I am really interested to hear other peoples thoughts on the matter. Should there be better sex ed and should boys be told never to trust anybodys word on whether they are using contraception?

If a man wants to avoid parenthood, he needs to use a condom. Biology doesn't care whether or not the owner of the sperm actually wants to be a father.

I also roll my eyes a little at this 'contraception failure' argument. Funnily enough it always happens to women who were planning on another child but the father wasn't keen.

Really? so abortions aren’t a thing then? Or are they only happening because the man doesn’t want the pregnancy?

As said above, while there’s a small failure rate with all contraception when used correctly, a lot of people don’t use it correctly. I’ve read two threads on here just today where the woman was “taking the pill” and had a stomach upset but didn’t tell her partner to use condoms as well and shock horror, got pregnant. If you’re going to be stupid about taking those sorts of risks you may as well not bother. Just have unprotected sex then stand up straight after, or have a shower, or pray, because that’s as responsible.

Before we were ttc I was on the pill and that was our contraception. If DH had insisted on using condoms as well I don’t know how I’d have felt to be honest. I took it religiously, didn’t get pregnant till we agreed I’d come off, I would have told him if I’d had a funny tummy, forgotten one, been on medication which interfered with it. It’s a matter of trust.

This is why if they ever invent a male pill and I was in a situation of not wanting a baby, I would use contraception too. I wouldn't take a man's word so, depending on the nature of the relationship, why would a man automatically take a woman's word?

Never understood this. I think it’s just that men don’t have that same terror about pregnancy (most) young women do. In my younger days I had men take my word for it and in my case they were fine to- I wasn’t in the market for a baby- but some of these men were putting themselves in a very vulnerable position.

I don’t see what the woman being happy to have sex without a condom has to do with anything. The woman being happy not to use one and a man who definitely doesn’t want to become a father choosing to use one don’t seem to be mutually exclusive options.

If you definitely definitely don’t want to be a father you should ideally be using 2 forms of contraception. Taking some responsibility for that is preferable. If you definitely don’t want to become a father and you leave the contraception up to someone else then you’re the sort of idiot who should probably only be having sex with yourself.

@IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory We are speaking about entrapment. Contraception being misused to purposely get pregnant.

Everyone should take care of their own family planning / sexual health.

If a man is really, truly against his sexual partner getting pregnant, he needs to take responsibility for that himself by insisting on using a condom. Likewise, a woman needs to either insist on a condom or use some other type of contraception.

If anyone has sex with anyone and use or do not use protection, as no method is 100% reliable then they accept that there is a chance of a baby being the result. You decrease your risk by using protection that you know to be used properly and is at optinum Standard.

We are speaking about entrapment. Contraception being misused to purposely get pregnant

I find entrapment is a word often thrown around my MRA types who seem to think "she said she was on the Pill!" is a valid argument for not paying for the child they've managed to co-create.

Protect yourself. Take responsibility for yourself. Accept that pregnancy is a risk, take responsibility for making your own personal risk as low as possible.

Perky dear, the fifties called. They want their attitudes back now, please!

Another vote for, if he really doesn't want a baby he should wear a condom or no PIV.

Even where the woman isn't deliberately misusing her contraception, mistakes happen, pills get missed or fail. Both parties should take responsibility.

should boys be told never to trust anybodys word on whether they are using contraception

Yes. They should be responsible for their own contraception and not leave it to another, married or not.

We are speaking about entrapment. Contraception being misused to purposely get pregnant

Is this really a thing?

Ten to one that pearly is the man in the above scenario.

I have yet to hear a phrase like "We are speaking about entrapment. Contraception being misused to purposely get pregnant" being used by anyone except men.

And I ask again, what is your AIBU question?

Men should take responsibility for their own contraception. ALWAYS use a condom unless you want to become a Surprised Dad.

It really is a no-brainer to be honest. I always have and always will. No-one else is allowed to control my own contraception.

*perky

Woman or man, don't have sex if you're not prepared to deal with a possible pregnancy. Contraception massively lowers the chances of getting pregnant, but not to zero. If you choose to have sex, you accept that a pregnancy might result.

Oh, and welcome to Mumsnet

Well no contraception is 100%. All different things can affect it, especially the pill. Vomiting, diarrhoea, even using pain killers apparently, just forgetting (easily done), the coil being dislodged (I know of 3 different people this has happened to).
If contraception was mainly made for men, there is no way I would trust that a man was using it properly, or that there were no factors interfering with the contraception which could make it fail.

If a man was to assure the woman that he was using a condom for penetration, and it was then removed during sex without the woman's knowledge, it would be rape.

I alway wonder how many men would use contraception if it affected their mood, their weight, their sex drive, their skin, their hair etc.