Rude parents, entitled kids

[LuckyAmy1986]

Just back from a day out at a local attraction where kids can trick or treat at various doors round the place. Our kids were waiting patiently and two little kids came and pushed in front of them. Parents said nothing. And many, many kids didn’t say thank you when given sweets, the parents didn’t encourage them to when they didn't either.
My elderly grandparents came to see me recently. We stepped off the path into the road for a lady with a double buggy, no thank you, nothing. This happens frequently. I put them on the (very busy) bus home. It was full of teenagers coming home from school. Not one of them offered either of my GPS a seat. I’m so sick of this kind of shit and might lose my rag at someone soon!
If you are one of those parents who doesn’t make their children wait in line or say thank you can you fucking sort yourself out please, we don’t need more entitled twats in the world.

AIBU?

One of my cousins thumped me a few years ago, at a family gathering, and no-one said anything. If I'd hit an adult as a little kid, I'd have been sent to my room.

Ahhh... the awful woman with a buggy who strolled up & stopped right next to me (I was standing still)

She wanted me to move.

I looked around at the space (enough for 10 double buggies to get past) but she just stood there.

Walking round me would have caused her to deviate from her straight line oh so very slightly.

Weirdo.

Yanbu. Definitely not. It’s bittersweet that I get told all the time that my 8 year old has beautiful manners. Of course she does, it’s what she’s supposed to say/do! Even my 1 year old will say ta ffs it’s not rocket science. If they don’t ask nice then they don’t get

Here's an entitled. Took my 16 year old for a historical tour this evening. When we came out, I booked a taxi as the tour had overrun and we were late back for the babysitter. So a cab from our usual firm turns up, but a woman gets into it. 16 year old says 'Can't be ours' but then can turns round and comes back with woman still on board.
We go to the cab; yes, it is ours.
'Can you drop me off at X first please?' she asks (opposite side of town) 'I'd booked with this firm.'
Now a) autistic 16 year old doesn't like strangers and b) I may have considered it if it hadn't been adding 20 minutes into our journey.
When I said no, she started to act like a child 'Well I was here first'. This was a not insubstantial woman in her late 50s I would say, yet I could hear the petulant, spoilt child that had never been corrected right there!

I think I was a horrible parent, but I had no role model and did everything by instinct, which may not have been right. I insisted on good manners, good behaviour and good table manners. My kids were never allowed to interrupt conversations between adults,, although I'd always be listening for any emergencies. When out and about, I was always complimented on their behaviour, although - it has to be said - at home, they were not always quite so well behaved, but certainly never horrid. If they didn't display good table manners, then they were not allowed to sit at the family dining table until their manners improved. I'm happy to say, they all eat with their mouths closed (a pet hate) and have excellent table manners. They are well mannered and polite, always say please, please may I and thank you. I remained consistent throughout their childhood, thinking if I deviated, for even a moment, all would be lost. I remained consistent throughout their teenage years, which did become difficult, at times. However. Doors are still opened for other people, without any thanks. Room is still made, on pavements, for pushchairs, without any thanks. Seats are still given up on tube trains/buses, without any thanks. When they questioned me about this, I told them that some people haven't been taught and simply don't know, and that they mustn't be unkind. I'm happy to say, that - in my presence at least - they are still respectful and well mannered. I hope I managed to do something right. I haven't always been right, but I didn't have a manual, so I couldn't read it. No role model, or anyone to ask. Just me, my instincts and very precious cargo :)

YANBU! I think it’s the culture of parents doing everything for their children so they never learn how to do things for others.. My best one recently - I was at airport security, I emptied my two trays, stacked them up and was just about to lift them and place them into the feeder when the young man next to me grabbed his tray, put it on top of mine and walked off!!! 😂 he looked hurt and harassed when I shouted after him if he’d like me to take his tray 🤷🏻‍♀️

@don'tcallmeshitley
Whilst I wholeheartedly agree that some people are extremely rude, I am just wondering about your comment about buggies being a pain.
What are people supposed to do? Not go out ? Definitely not shop ? Or leave their children in the buggy outside the shop ? Just interested.

i also noticed a few years ago that people of my mums generation seemed to lack manners too. I’ve had people of that age (boomers) not say thanks when door held for them, queue jump me, ram into me with shopping trolleys and on one occasion let a door go in my face

Came on to say IME the Boomers are fucking awful. Time and again THE age band that avoided giving me a seat on the tube when I had my BOB badge and a bump the size of China.

Fun fact; when you train to teach English as a foreign language the #1 thing you have drilled into you time and time again is you have to - HAVE TO - instil the use of please and thank you for every exchange from Day 1.

Pity the memo appears to have slipped for so many who are actually from here.

That's why we moved to New Zealand. Too much brioche and not enough manners in the UK.

Graphista - I have a story very like your aunts. I was queuing in a local coffee shop early one morning, wearing a tatty Mac (relevant) and a rude man pushed in front of me and spilt my coffee. No apology. I’ll never forget his look of horror at my place of work a few hours later when he saw me in my smart suit and realised I was the person responsible for making a decision which would change his life!

I find older generations are ruder than younger ones.
The very generations that say others are disrespectful are the very people that don't show respect to others, pushing in lines, no please or thank you and (no joke here) moan about cashiers saying 'no problem' instead of 'your welcome'

How can we expect kids or teens to show manners and respect when the older generations are the worst culprits for lack of manners and respect.

And I'm from the millenial generation, the "entitled generation"

It’s not even just the please and thank yous. And it’s definitely not just kids/teens. On buses and trains people put their dirty shoes on the seats. They let their dogs sit on the seats. And as someone else mentioned, the number of times my considerate 12 year old son has held the door open for an adult and not even got so much as smile

Well of course there are so many people who don't say please or thank you are are very entitled, but not one or any of their friends or family are like that on here! YANBU.

It's very unfortunate that most of us would be too scared to reprimand a rude person. Dd said that yesterday a woman got on the bus, put her feet straight up on the opposite seat and proceeded to eat some fruit, the peel of which she threw onto another seat. Dd did a "Paddington stare" but the woman just raised her eyebrow and mouthed "Fuck Off" so dd shrank back. You never know how some people are going to react.

Additionally if you say anything to someone else's child, even something mild such as telling them there's a queue, you may be facing certain death at the hands of the mother. Even on MN there are "those parents" who are howling for the blood of any teacher who dares to tell off their offspring.

I think people who are really rude tend to be rudest to people who they see as low status. That includes waitresses, retail staff, children and older women.

Ah yes, the one upmanship. People seem to forget they're paying for a meal, or an item, not a piece of your soul. Thing is a customer has power, and some people let that go to their heads.
In general I think people have been taught to be more self absorbed and look after number one, and are never encouraged out of that phase that we all go through as children/teens. Unfortunately people like that tend to do better in life, in my experience anyway, anyone considerate is perceived as a doormat. He who shouts the loudest gets the most and all that. I sometimes wish I could be more like that because I might be a bit more respected, but it's not who I am.

I have had to get the bus back from school with my primary school DC before and it’s usually filled with teenagers who are shockingly rude. I once had to prompt one of them to move from the buggy area where he was sitting, he had seen me clearly standing there waiting to push my pram into that area but failed to move until I asked. He then tutted and sighed like it was an earth shattering request. Same for trying to get off a packed bus, the teenagers barely shifted at all to let me off. I also witnessed a teenager telling an elderly woman to ‘chill the fuck out’ last week when she informed him she was first so should be first to get on the bus. I was pretty horrified, there’s just no way I’d have dared be so rude to anyone like that as a teen.

I do think the sense of entitlement starts with the parents, obviously manners aren’t high on some parents agendas anymore.

YANBU! I seem to spend a lot of time saying "I think thank you was what you meant to say" to kids and adults alike!!!

m0therofdragons

I'm regularly told I'm so lucky my dc are polite. Er well they don't get things if they speak to me like dirt. It's not rocket science

So they are up for being polite so long as they “get things” in return?😳nice.

So they are up for being polite so long as they “get things” in return?😳nice.

Oh come on. Alright I’m butting in, but I’m sure that means things like... their coat passed to them in the morning, a drink, their DM to play a game with them, a pudding perhaps. Not a ton of material crap. I regularly say to my children ‘If you ask for anything it should be second nature to add “please”.’ It’s sunk in it seems, as my DS told me today the dinner ladies commented “That boy is always so polite” and it made him feel very happy 😊

This is one of the reasons I now put a sign on my door saying 'no tricks or treats here'. Kids grabbing handfuls of sweets and not saying thank you! Manners were drummed into me and I've passed it onto mine. Bloody hate rude people!

@toomuchtrouble But that is how you teach very young kids manners, as well as trying to teach them why it matters. But kids don't get the second bit until they are older.
It is the same with lots of things. Lots of toddlers don't get why they should not hit other toddlers, we still try and teach them not to.

Yanbu.

I was thinking about this today.
I try really hard to bring my children up with manners so they can be decent adults and also make others feel comfortable around them as unfortunately my children have been on receiving end of not so good manners from other children.
I think there should be a curriculum for teaching manners. I remember at school there was a culture of laughing at adults/teachers and it would never come across anyone's mind to go help. Perhaps a lot of bad stuff is taught from the TV too.
Secondary school is worse for this. Gangs of friends rather than one group helping another who needs help.
I do have a faith though and my religion goes have a lot of teachings on manners and character so it's a good guide for me and my children. Just being aware of people around you and whether they need help is a good start and also being kind to others whether they are in a good mood or not and to thank always. It's always good to start from a young age but parenting seems to be left for school and school does not have enough time but I believe our manners should be the first thing that we are taught.

This reminds me of a time when an older lady did something like open the door or move to the side when I had my two little ones. I said thank you as loud as I could as it was quite noisy around but she didn't hear me. She went to have a go at me for not thanking her and went off on a rant. I do think it was because of what I was wearing that made her feel superior as she didn't do anything super amazing that demanded the rant.
When she was done with the rant (I didn't walk off) I told her gently that I did say thank you but she couldn't hear me because of the noise and I was grateful for what she did and really appreciated it. She did go red after that but things like this just bring up my anxiety. I can't deal with public spaces with little ones when it's busy as either others are rude and entitled or people don't hear me, who tries so hard to be nice and thoughtful lol.

I think there should be a curriculum for teaching manners.

There is.

It’s called “parenting”.

Far too many are expecting schools to teach their children how to use a toilet, dress themselves, read, use a road/internet safely, cook, use domestic appliances , manage a budget... all of which should be taught at home anyway. And you want lessons in manners adding to that list..?