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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude parents, entitled kids

213 replies

LuckyAmy1986 · 22/10/2019 16:24

Just back from a day out at a local attraction where kids can trick or treat at various doors round the place. Our kids were waiting patiently and two little kids came and pushed in front of them. Parents said nothing. And many, many kids didn’t say thank you when given sweets, the parents didn’t encourage them to when they didn't either.
My elderly grandparents came to see me recently. We stepped off the path into the road for a lady with a double buggy, no thank you, nothing. This happens frequently. I put them on the (very busy) bus home. It was full of teenagers coming home from school. Not one of them offered either of my GPS a seat. I’m so sick of this kind of shit and might lose my rag at someone soon!
If you are one of those parents who doesn’t make their children wait in line or say thank you can you fucking sort yourself out please, we don’t need more entitled twats in the world.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Jojobythesea · 22/10/2019 19:52

All so true. And don't even get me started on the driving aspect of entitlement 😭😭

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/10/2019 19:53

I am in the recruitment panel for trainees at my work (national law firm). Candidates come in for a whole day assessment centre. The assessors very quickly rule out those with poor manners no matter how well they perform on the actual tests. "Poor manners" include those who are impolite or dismissive to our reception/admin staff. No chance I would risk putting someone like that in front of a client

Well done, honeylulu

I've taken exactly the same approach myself and the worrying thing is that they still don't get it ...

tangomouse · 22/10/2019 19:54

I agree! But how many times has one of your polite children held open a door for an adult and never got a thank you. Annoys me so
Much that!!

VinoEsmeralda · 22/10/2019 20:02

My DD has impeccable manners but gets really frustrated that, especially, older people dont say thank you or acknowledge her 9 out of 10 times.

I always make a point of thanking kids. The other week a group of kids were sitting outside and one of them was tidying up after themselves (rare) and I said thank you for doing that- all his mates got up too to help suddenly and he was beaming. We need to reward positive behavior.

VinoEsmeralda · 22/10/2019 20:04

just adding DS's manner are ok but poor compared to his sister/

Skinnychip · 22/10/2019 20:04

YANBU I notice a lot of DCs children don't say please or thank you if they come for tea and are quite rude if they don't like something.
Having said this i volunteer at a sports club tuck shop and nearly all the children are incredibly polite and always say please and thank you. There are however a few entitled parents and kids. Some expect their child to get a la carte service when we are volunteering and cooking for about 60 kids. And i am always disappointed about the amount of kids leaving sweet wrappers and rubbish on the floor or the table when they are literally a few metres from a bin.

Howlovely · 22/10/2019 20:21

@hungry - or maybe they're just hideously rude?! I wasn't aware that being tired or sad allows me to opt out of being a caring, polite member of society.

HungryForApples · 22/10/2019 20:51

@Howlovely The time it happened to me recently was when I was in America - we'd just arrived and I was using a pedestrian crossing to cross a busy multi-lane road, in the rain, with my baby screaming in his pushchair. I was sleep deprived from the flight and busy trying to focus on which direction the cars were coming from, I also didn't really understand how the crossings work there. As we got to the pavement a woman leaned out of her car window to shout a sarcastic "you're welcome" at us, do you think that was reasonable of her?

Howlovely · 22/10/2019 20:58

@hungry - yes I do think it was reasonable of her actually. Regardless of your reasons you were rude in that you failed to express thanks to somebody. You were the rude one. She called you out on it. You don't like this because you feel your lack of manners wasn't your fault. Was the lady supposed to know you were tired and tiptoe around you and check you are ok and if there was anything else she could do for you?!

HungryForApples · 22/10/2019 21:05

@Howlovely No of course not, she didn't need to do anything, but instead she chose to be actively rude, which is far worse than any passive rudeness she perceived in me. Since when do we fight fire with fire?

Pixxie7 · 22/10/2019 21:14

I think generally a vast majority of people are polite and we notice those who aren’t.
Although it can appear that both the young and the old are the worst offenders I think it is our expectations that give rise to this. Unfortunately society as a whole is creating a sense of entitlement.

slashlover · 22/10/2019 21:16

I work in a charity shop and you wouldn't believe the number of parents who allow their kids to pull all the toys off of the shelves and leave them scattered over the floor (causing a major tripping hazard) or the number of broken toys left.
All this while the adults drop the clothes/hangers on the floor and then leave them there.

PixieDustt · 22/10/2019 21:25

YANBU but I have noticed a lot that older people are just as rude sometimes.

Howlovely · 22/10/2019 22:06

Ok, Hungry, so nobody should ever be called out for perceived rudeness incase it hurts their feelings or they were tired or if it's raining, without hearing an extensive backstory first? Only then, once it's been established that not saying thankyou can't possibly be your fault due to extenuating circumstances, should the person mention that a simple thank you might be nice.
Did you apologise for forgetting your manners or were you incredulous that she might expect a quick hand up or nod from you, Tired Mother of Toddler In The Rain? Good grief, where will this end?!

0lga · 22/10/2019 22:26

I am in the recruitment panel for trainees at my work (national law firm). Candidates come in for a whole day assessment centre. The assessors very quickly rule out those with poor manners no matter how well they perform on the actual tests. "Poor manners" include those who are impolite or dismissive to our reception/admin staff. No chance I would risk putting someone like that in front of a client

I work in a similar type of business and we do exactly the same.

It’s a very male dominated industry and we watch carefully for candidates with a poor attitude towards women.

Ohnononono · 22/10/2019 22:42

What particularly winds me up is people dropping litter. DH has been known to pick up someone’s litter and hand it back to them saying ‘I think you dropped something’. I have never dared do this! And don’t get me started on people chucking litter out of cars.... I always make my DCs pick up after themselves, put their litter in bins etc.

I work in a school and the kids drop litter all the time, it’s awful.
One day I was asking some kids to pick up the litter after lunch and of course they said ‘it’s not mine, I didn’t drop it’ which is the usual excuse. Then one said ‘that’s what the cleaners are for’ Angry which absolutely drives me mad. So entitled! Apparently they are too important to pick up their own rubbish. Well they certainly got an earful from me and the teacher for saying that!!

Vulpine · 23/10/2019 07:14

Same in fast food establishments like macdonalds or pret where it soesnt explicitly ask you to clear your table at the end of your meal for the next person. But why wouldn't you? 'Because thats what they pay people for' - people can be so self centred and inconsiderate.

SnuggyBuggy · 23/10/2019 07:16

The thing is calling out people on their behaviour like shouty woman in the car isn't going to teach people to be more polite. Honestly in that situation I'd have been more likely to respond with fuck off than sorry.

woodhill · 23/10/2019 11:46

Yes ohno just shocking attitude.

longwayoff · 23/10/2019 11:59

My lippy teenaged son came home from a day spent manning a charity stall with his girlfriend. "Sorry mum" ??? What now? "Sorry for being a twat sometimes". He'd been so appalled by the way in which one lovely teen spoke to her parents that he had to walk away in case he told her. Amazing. It must have been really bad, we're not precious about summoning an abusive mouthful if we feel it's called for.

FunkyBrownie · 23/10/2019 12:38

I always make a fuss of children who have good manners - I usually find it works like osmosis and any others near them also start ‘please’ing and ‘thank you’ing looking for praise too!

I took my Brownies away a couple of weeks ago, and even though they’re used to not getting anything without asking nicely, I think tiredness had overcome them in the breakfast queue. They got a bowl of cereal from one leader and then came across to me for milk... the amount that just held their bowls out and didn’t even say anything! Most cottoned on pretty quickly;-
Brownie - ‘Milk’
Me - ‘Milk?’
Brownie ‘Yes, milk’
Me - ‘Milk?’
Brownie- ‘Milk please’.

I did get into a 30 second standoff with one who just kept looking at me, pointedly waggling her bowl and nodding at me - I know she’s got no problems voicing her needs and can have beautiful manners if prompted, but it took another brownie nudging her her whispering ‘Please!’ before she got the idea! 🙈

Jux · 23/10/2019 12:52

Vulpine, in the days when I used to go into those sort of places, I was in the habit clearing my rubbish and crocks when I'd finished, but one day a chap I was having lunch with pointed out that the chain factor clearing tables into their calculations re how many staff are needed, so that if everyone cleared their table then one person who was currently staff would no longer be needed and would lose their job.

It seemed like quite a creative way to justify being a lazy entitled arse in a fast food joint. This guy was NOT a friend just a pt colleague, was an arse in many other ways, didn't last long in the company and, no, I didn't follow his advice or accept his reasoning.

Supergrassyknoll · 23/10/2019 12:53

YADNBU

Chattybum · 23/10/2019 13:47

I'm a teacher and am now so infuriated with poor to non existent manners that I'm conducting a small one woman survey. So far 28 students have asked 'Miss, do you have a rubber / ruler / pencil etc' to which I answer yes. After a few moments of blank looks they finally remember to actually ask with the word please attached.

So far I only have 3 on the 'asked politely' tally. Extremely depressing.

These are reasonably nice students at a reasonably nice school too, but good manners simply haven't been drummed into them from an early age and I want to know why not, and what the hell has changed? Kids with poor manners used to stand out by a mile not that long ago, now the polite ones are the exception.

Mumof21989 · 23/10/2019 13:56

Rude generation now. I'm 30 and walk through a park after school run with a 4 and 1 year old. The kids from the secondary school walking through have no problem saying f**k off and all the rest Infront of primary kids. They go allover thepark equipment after school and won't move of the swing for four year olds wanting a play after school.

Parents are too soft now. We have no rights. We cant shout or hit them now. When I say hit I don't mean hit like that. I gently Tapped my toddlers hand in burning oven situations etc. It worked after a couple of times. But now it's getting banned soon parents won't be able to do the basics to help their children understand safety or respect. (Please don't jump on me about hitting) I don't hit mine but a tap on the hand is better than a hot burn or falling and ending up hurt.

I fear for the future. Where I live two young lads were walking to the shop two weeks ago. I think 16 and 19. Seven lads just hanging about decided to batter them both when they came out the shop. Fractured their faces etc. It's suite scary that this is the sort of behaviour teenagers have. Attacking random people not knowing if they have a medical condition or a child or the simple fact it's animal behaviour.

Yes people are rude now. Kids are gobby and rude. It's awful x