Rude parents, entitled kids

[LuckyAmy1986]

Just back from a day out at a local attraction where kids can trick or treat at various doors round the place. Our kids were waiting patiently and two little kids came and pushed in front of them. Parents said nothing. And many, many kids didn’t say thank you when given sweets, the parents didn’t encourage them to when they didn't either.
My elderly grandparents came to see me recently. We stepped off the path into the road for a lady with a double buggy, no thank you, nothing. This happens frequently. I put them on the (very busy) bus home. It was full of teenagers coming home from school. Not one of them offered either of my GPS a seat. I’m so sick of this kind of shit and might lose my rag at someone soon!
If you are one of those parents who doesn’t make their children wait in line or say thank you can you fucking sort yourself out please, we don’t need more entitled twats in the world.

AIBU?

I get you OP. I hate bad manners. My friends children were over here last week. Jesus Christ, They ransacked the cupboards, demanded treats, snatched food and drink out of my hands and never thanked for anything. Blitzed the place.

BUT

I threw a birthday for my four year old two weeks ago. He’s in a nursery so I didn’t really know most of the kids and definitely not the parents due to the fandom pick up times we all have. A few older sibs came too. Every single child was so polite!! and each child came up and thanked me and my son for the party at the end. I was really a bit amazed at how this random cohort of kids were just so lovely! It was a really pleasant experience. So - good manners are in abundance in places :)

I have to keep my kids in check with manners. It doesn’t happen by accident!

To buck the trend, I live rurally, and we always thank the bus drivers here - easy to do, as they're little single decker buses with one door at the front. I used to live in London, where I can't recall anybody, ever thanking a bus driver. Visited London last weekend, and heard at least two people yelling "Thank you, driver!" down the length of the bus as I got off .

*PEDANTS' CORNER**

Re: the use of "entitled"- this drives me mad, as it's incorrect. Sally is entitled to her place in the queue. If Sally pushes ahead in the queue, she has a misplaced sense of entitlement.

I get very PA.
Say thank you to the nice zombie
No, you are quite welcome
Was that a thank you?
Was that a please?
I get that sometimes you can be distracted but it takes seconds to say thanks.

I think some people are ruder to older people, particularly old women. I have been with my elderly mum and I have been shocked at the rudeness she has experienced from people who obviously think she is alone.
I think people who are really rude tend to be rudest to people who they see as low status. That includes waitresses, retail staff, children and older women.

Oh this bugs me also!!!
My DSD doesn't say please or thank you and I pulled her mum up (as it's not my place to tell her to use manners for everything ) she said she didn't have to for minor things as it's her dad and step mum- like thank you for paying for her school trip to Paris Isn't minor it cost us a fortune and you naff all??

my oldest 2 SS live with me an say thank you when I make their tea an give them their washing piles to put away etc just everything their great full for and say thank you and please or open doors for people. They even help the old lady next door with her shopping (16&18) their amazing but that's how we've tought them. My 2 youngest say thank you for everything you do for them aswel I.e opening the door if they are carrying their toys, passing them things and to putting their shoes on (2&3) and they always wait their turn and share
Manners mean the most to me. Shows how a child is brought up to appreciate things

You tend to find that the more expensive areas that have the rudest people. My daughter went from a normal comp to sixth form in a posh but free school. She said the girls were so rude and entitled. The teachers were surprised when she opened the door to them. I too noticed it when I moved work location to putney. Such rude locals pushing past you in the corner shop.

I work in a Reception class. We toasted marshmallows and gave hot chocolate to 35 children this morning in the forest and 3 of them said thankyou. Manners get worse year after year at school. Another classic is when the kids just hand their coat to you and say "coat" when they want help putting it on.
Don't get me started...I could go on all day.😞

My kids have outstanding manners, people always comment on it. What grinds my gears is adults who have no manners!! My kids have often held doors open for people with no thanks, given up seats, moved out if the way etc etc. Some older people could learn from some children.

YANBU.
The minute he got home my DH had a rant about “entitled little shits” pushing and shoving their way past on the train this afternoon.

@jennymanara I hate people like that. It's partly personal because my mum used to work in the cafe at M&S and she had someone she knew from the Halle Choir come in and snap her fingers at her. It was so rude. People often left such a mess as well. Even if cleaning tables is part of the cafe staff's job, it's still polite to clean up after yourself and it saves them work.

I've worked in shops myself, I worked in an Oxfam shop for years when I was in my teens - I spent about half my gap year in there! - and some of the customers were absolute bastards. Kids and adults alike. One rude little girl left comics all over the floor and forgot her backpack, and when I ran out of the shop to give it to her, she just glared at me. Christmas was the worst time, even worse in WH Smith when I was a temp. I get you're stressed but shouting at the person on the till is not going to make them want to help you, and it made me a lot nicer to people who work in retail because I know what it's like to be on the other side.

Slightly off topic but last year my young daughter saw a dog in the supermarket and made a comment about it. I explained that it was a special dog that helps that blind man to get around and that you must never stroke the dog or distract it because it’s working and it could cause an accident to the blind man. The man came over to me and told me how refreshing it was that I explained how he was blind and how the dog was his eyes but what made me really sad was when he told me most people just ignore him and pretend he’s not there. I mean how? How could anyone just ignore a disabled person? How the hell are kids going to be well adjusted adults if parents don’t explain theses things to them? The man was blind not a bloody leper!!! Really broke my heart 💔

I always say hello to bus drivers. They don't always say hello back mind.

I used the word entitled today. Friend who uses a walking stick, held a door open for the woman behind her who waddled through without a word. I said "thank you" in a loud voice!!!

There's a general lack of consideration for others in today's world. Manners, appreciation, sympathy, empathy, politeness and being helpful / kind are traits lacking many.
It's really quite a sad society we live in.

Stuff like this irritates me.

BFF has a 7 yo DD who he has always ‘politely but firmly’ pulled up on rude behaviour (not waiting turns/not saying please or thank you/Tantrums for sweets)

His ex (who I know very well) is a spoilt, entitled and materialistic person who doesn’t uphold the same behaviour.

It’s hard as his ex tries to say ‘you’re shaming her’ or ‘you guilt her and it makes her depressed’ as though BFF is the problem for teaching DD to be a decent human being! It’s not wrong to tell a 7yo that they ‘should feel bad’ for hurting another child. DD loves seeing her dad btw they have a great relationship!

Although there are a lot of polite people out there too. Could just be a case of confirmation bias.

[Rant mode on]
At last I have found my spiritual home on here, Yippppppppppppppee!. I am 72 and I was in the shopping centre last Saturday, and nearly everyone else is younger than me but I feel because of my age no-one seems to see me or my wife and just walk at you in the precinct and expect you to get out of the way. I was brought up to respect others, say please and thank you, (even defer to age, God help us) but it seems to be seen as a sign of weakness now. There are groups of young men, walking in line three abreast and they just won't even try to give some room. I have recently started to look away in a distracted manner and just keep walking at them and it usually works. My wife's pet hate is children behaving badly in shops and the parent just ignore it, or seem to think it is normal. On Saturday a family with four children were looking a toys in Tesco's, and were bouncing balls all over the isle and the parents didn't say a word.

I dread to thing what it will be like when this generation of entitled twats, have brought up the next generation of entitled twats. [Rant mode off] And breath.

If any of you watched The Capture you'll have noticed the main character Shaun saying his pleases and thank yous!

On buses: me, visibly pregnant, getting on to a busy bus, standing next to a person on CRUTCHES and not a fucker offered either of us a seat.

On children: we are super strict with our about pleases and thank yous and generally not acting like adults are servants. Few other parents are. There is one child we are always shocked by who does things like drop her coat on the floor to be picked up by a parent and never says please or thank you. We can't believe how soft they are with her.

Reading this post has made me understand the friction in my household between me and my eldest 3 DSCs. It would appear that I really am the unreasonable wicked Stepmother for expecting courtesy in my own home.

YANBU

Sadly it’s far from just children, young parents. I started a thread several months ago about the poor manners displayed by people phoning me in a supposedly professional capacity! Some respondents agreed - some were rude themselves! Bizarre thread.

I noted on there too rude behaviour from customer facing people and some pps gave examples of their own experiences.

This past few weeks I’ve had to deal with a few organisations on customer service matters, and quite honestly the service has been dreadful.

The one good exception was a customer service agent operating from a completely different continent who was polite, efficient and very helpful in resolving the issue at hand. No messing about, no rudeness - why can’t British customer service agents seem to manage this?

One company I’ve been dealing with it’s resulted in them giving me £60 off my bill in compensation (which I never asked for but I’m not gonna turn down) I simply asked for the service I needed and which they are supposed to provide to be implemented. The whole matter ended up being dealt with by the manager of the senior complaints team because it had been so badly handled - and many of the problems were down to bad manners! Because they were unable to understand what was needed because they kept talking over me, not listening to what I was saying and putting me on hold (without waiting to hear if I agreed) and even transferring me to completely inappropriate depts without checking with me first resulting in me having to end the call (because those depts couldn’t transfer me back to original call centre apparently) and so I had to start all over again... this went on for over a week!

Findapenny it’s perfectly possible to be assertive without being rude. A skill I (hope) I’ve taught dd. But as I said on my thread I’ve witnessed (due to I believe the person thinking dd was alone - physical distance between me and dd and the fact we look nothing alike means I think they thought at the time I was just a separate random unconnected customer) customer facing employees being rude to her.

I also noticed a few years ago that people of my mums generation seemed to lack manners too. I’ve had people of that age (boomers) not say thanks when door held for them, queue jump me, ram into me with shopping trolleys and on one occasion let a door go in my face - and I was actually temporarily in a wheelchair at that point, a friend was wheeling me and the result was the wheelchair was pushed back and rammed her in the stomach! She did actually swiftly open the door and tell that person off - they told us to fuck off!

Honeylulu - your post reminded me of a story my aunt told me, she is very nondescript looking (this IS relevant) and went to a clients office, it was a filthy wet day and her umbrella had broken so in addition she was “drookit” cold and miserable, one of the employees, a 40-something man wearing a bespoke suit, passed her as she was trying to pull the main door open (there was a staff door requiring a swipe card entry he went in) with sopping wet, frozen hands and instead of helping...he laughed at her!...

...An hour later he’s being shown into the temporary office she’s been assigned to do her job while there as he’s the main focus of her project...her job? She’s a forensic accountant and rude man was suspected (and later convicted) of major fraud!

I can only imagine how his stomach must have lurched when introduced to her!

“Manners are morals in practice” I love that! Perfect!

Love that story @graphista.

I was trying to use the tube at rush hour and had a case full of meeting papers and had to miss three trains because of rude people pushing in ahead of me while I tried to manhandle the case and me on board. Finally one very petite, tired-looking, older woman helped me get on the fourth train. I thanked her profusely and ended up having a lovely chat with her until my stop. Turned out she was a cleaner in The City on her way home from an early shift. She said she often felt she was invisible and was regularly pushed and barged around by commuters who barely seem to notice anyone else existed let alone show others any manners.

YADNBU.

We live in the world of the entitled and sometimes they breed. An example from the last few days - my DC's niece (their dad's brother's daughter) is 8 and, like her dad, is unbelievably bad mannered. Dropped DC off at their granny's and this 8yo was there, staring at her iPad, doesn't look up/say hello etc. I said "Hello Emily, you're looking very grown up since I last saw you!". She looked at me like I was a piece of shot and said "Oh my God, shut up". Her dad laughed, and said "what are you like Em, so spirited" or some shit.

I'd die of embarrassment if any of my DC spoke to people like that, family or not. I said that's very rude but her dad piped up "nah she's just kidding". The rest of the family are much the same, him and his DD can do no wrong.

But then again it's not her fault as her dad is a total fucking imbecile, loves having an "alternative" daughter and sees himself as some sort of maverick "fuck the police" rule breaker, describes himself as a "non-conformist" (read: prick) and wants his precious offspring to be the same. The annoying thing is my DD worships her cousin and whenever she sees her comes back with an attitude (albeit a temporary one).

'Did you mean to be so rude' is not the game changing, mind blowing, cutting remark some people on Mumsnet think it is

I don't live in the UK anymore and frankly it is a joy to come back to. People have far better manners than where I live. Just a few days ago, a child was running in a shop, ran right into a man and the mum said nothing. The man didn't even look surprised, that's just the norm here.

There will always be rude people but on the whole, I find British people really polite.

I think people who are really rude tend to be rudest to people who they see as low status. That includes waitresses, retail staff, children and older women.

Oooooh this boils my blood. So much so that I can't really talk about it but am just sitting here seething at the idea that any fucker on the planet could think that as they are so much better than the next person that they can dispense with common courtesy.

"You guilt her and make her feel depressed"

This beggars belief. There are ways of imparting manners without making a child feel awful. She should feel guilt anyway! I'd rather she had a moment's shame age 2 or 3 when it's forgivable, than at 22 when bad manners could cost her something really important.

As there are a few pedants on the thread, can I share that I saw "50 things to do before your 11 and 3/4" on a National Trust website the other day. I was properly shocked.