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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask FIL to stop calling DD his pretty princess?

363 replies

Howdidido · 21/10/2019 17:26

It grates me. DD4 is FILs first grand-daughter. They had 5 some and only grandsons so far.
DD doesn't particularly like being called a princess (except when dressed as a princess) and we're trying to get her to value her kindness and mind more than looks. The problem is she is adorable. (Biased obvs!) Waiters call her a princess and she replies that she's not.
But FIL is always on about how pretty his princess is. It really gets on my nerves
Otherwise lovely grandparents. They do have a tendency to overbuy pint very fluffy/sparkly clothes for her. Lots of princess/unicorn/sparkle stuff.
I know, they've only got 1 GD but can't they big up how clever she is, or strong, or everything else, like they do with all their grandsons?

Any suggestions of what I can say without offending gratefully received!

OP posts:
Original poster
Howdidido · 21/10/2019 17:27

*sons. Not some

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 21/10/2019 17:27
Biscuit
EmeraldShamrock · 21/10/2019 17:29

I think you are making a big deal of it.
She may be a princess in his eyes.
I doubt it will do her any lasting damage.
My FIL calls my DD his sweet pea as she is the only girl GC in his side.
I don't feel it will devalue her.
If your DD doesn't like it its different then ask him to stop.

BillywilliamV · 21/10/2019 17:29

Yes, this would be irritating, how often does she see them?

HostaFireAndIce · 21/10/2019 17:31

My FIL calls my DD his sweet pea as she is the only girl GC in his side.

I call both my sons 'sweet pea'. Is that bad...? Grin

Zebraaa · 21/10/2019 17:31

It didn’t devalue me being called a princess by my uncle. I liked it. I think you’re being too PC.

BezalHell · 21/10/2019 17:32

You'll probably get loads of replies saying you're being precious, but in my opinion, if you and your DD don't like it, tell him to knock it off.

ThebishopofBanterbury · 21/10/2019 17:33

I think you are being a bit precious. It is a bit tacky but if he's the only one saying it, and you don't say stuff like that at home, I'm sure it won't affect her too much!

ThatMuppetShow · 21/10/2019 17:34

Grand-parents are supposed to find their grand-kids pretty, or handsome.

Original poster
Howdidido · 21/10/2019 17:34

If he referred to any of her other qualities then I would be less bothered. He doesn't compliment his grandsons on looks.
I know I have a thing against princessy girlie pink stuff because it really really not me, but I'm trying to get over anything that DD likes because it's her choice. But she also loves the outdoors and books and cycling and science. And they know that!

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 21/10/2019 17:34

He'll need to find a new term of endearment.
Would sausage or something be ok as it is gender neutral
If they are good GP's pick your battles.
I often my wee boy a handsome boy.

ConkerGame · 21/10/2019 17:34

Hmm I’m not sure there’s anything you can do really without hurting their feelings/ coming across a bit mad.

I think she will be fine if these are the only people that treat her this way and she’s getting the strong/ kind / clever message from you and DH.

Also as she gets older she’ll soon tell them if it’s annoying her! I think it can be good for her self esteem though to know there are people who adore her just for existing!

Original poster
Howdidido · 21/10/2019 17:36

I think the difference between my parents and DHs is that my mum will say DD is gorgeous to her. But she will also compliment her on all the other stuff.
But also i don't want DD to think being a princess is the best thing.

OP posts:
TulipsTulipsTulips · 21/10/2019 17:36

It’s a term of affection. I hardly think she’ll grow up to become a WAG simply because her grandfather called her a princess. I’d let it go and remember you will be the main influence in her life (at least until her peer groups take over as influencers).

Whatafackinliberty · 21/10/2019 17:37

You just sound like you’re looking for a problem where none exists.

Amanduh · 21/10/2019 17:37

She’s 4. Get a grip. My DS is 2 nearly 3 and everyone calls his handsome, adorable, cute. Noone mentions his strength or ability. They’re little kids. It’s what people do.

ArnoldBee · 21/10/2019 17:37

My Dad still calls me his princess. I was never pretty, hated pink, not a traditional girl at all and I read lots of books. Clearly hasn't affected me in the slightest as my parents brought me to be strong and independent.

redexpat · 21/10/2019 17:39

Yanbu. Its part of the drip drip drip of socialisation. When dd was small I corrected everyone to calling her prime minister dince they have real power, can affect real change and are judged on their actions rather than their clothes. I dont give a rats arse if people think Im being precious. Even when shes wearing an elsa dress they call her a princess when shes a clearly the fucking queen!

Supergrassyknoll · 21/10/2019 17:41

I call my 3 yr old son 'my beautiful angel', I bet you'd hate me too

PulpPixie · 21/10/2019 17:41

ffs

EmeraldShamrock · 21/10/2019 17:41

@HostaFireAndIce No it is lovely. Wink

Spied · 21/10/2019 17:42

I personally think it's lovely.
I call my DD a princess, angel and all manner of things.
Is a princess not also kind and strong?
My DD certainly thinks a princess is the full package and the princesses she reads about are heroic, kind and have strength.

Howlovely · 21/10/2019 17:42

There is actually nothing wrong with telling someone they are pretty. It is no different from telling someone they have a lovely colour hair, great sense of humour, friendly, etc. I'm so sick of anything 'girly' being seen as wrong. It's just as bad as those who think all girls shoukd like pink. And I'm the most un-pink girl there is.
A girl can like princesses, climbing trees, science and bike riding. She's not going to catch helplessness or feebleness from it.
Just reinforce to your daughter that she is strong, clever, good at languages, whatever, at home and allow your FIL to treat his granddaughter as the princess she is in his eyes.

Toooldtobearsed2 · 21/10/2019 17:43

Its just what comes naturally, I think.
I call my GD 'Dramallama' and DH calls her 'Pumpkin'.

Hint: she is not actually a pumpkin.

They are simply terms of endearment.

I do understand what you mean about physical attributes though. My GD is (obviously) gorgeous, but we both take care to tell her how clever she is/what a brilliant idea that was etc., rather than concentrate on her looks.

Lighten up. FiL is probably like us. Calls her gorgeous things becuase it just comes naturally, but also praises her intelligence.

Greggers2017 · 21/10/2019 17:43

My dad still calls me his princess and I'm 36 🙈