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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask FIL to stop calling DD his pretty princess?

363 replies

Howdidido · 21/10/2019 17:26

It grates me. DD4 is FILs first grand-daughter. They had 5 some and only grandsons so far.
DD doesn't particularly like being called a princess (except when dressed as a princess) and we're trying to get her to value her kindness and mind more than looks. The problem is she is adorable. (Biased obvs!) Waiters call her a princess and she replies that she's not.
But FIL is always on about how pretty his princess is. It really gets on my nerves
Otherwise lovely grandparents. They do have a tendency to overbuy pint very fluffy/sparkly clothes for her. Lots of princess/unicorn/sparkle stuff.
I know, they've only got 1 GD but can't they big up how clever she is, or strong, or everything else, like they do with all their grandsons?

Any suggestions of what I can say without offending gratefully received!

OP posts:

ThatMuppetShow · 21/10/2019 17:45

But also i don't want DD to think being a princess is the best thing.

as you are the parent, it's easy to brainwash them one way or another.
It doesn't matter what a grand-parent they see once in a while call them!

EugenesAxe · 21/10/2019 17:45

Encourage your DD to respond to it perhaps? Just simply e.g. “Grandad I don’t like being called a princess”.

Maybe you are being precious, but this would grate on me too, to be honest. It’s exactly the kind of pervasive stereotyping that can undermine how girls see themselves and their worth.

EmeraldShamrock · 21/10/2019 17:46

I think the difference between my parents and DHs is that my mum will say DD is gorgeous to her. But she will also compliment her on all the other stuff
The difference is it is easier to criticize the inLaws.
If you are going to stop comments relating to her stereotype gender you need to do it across the board. Including your DM.
Yabdvu considering your update.

Windydaysuponus · 21/10/2019 17:47

Get her some super hero outfits!!.

OkayGoooouuuuuullllll · 21/10/2019 17:49

I don't like it. My dd is also the only granddaughter and she is treated so differently. Silly tutu skirts she hates, they wouldn't buy her a car the same as the boys because 'girls don't have cars' etc. It's infuriating when you're trying to teach them something completely different.

Drabarni · 21/10/2019 17:50

I hate this, my ds1 mil calls their baby princess, I make sure I stay away from all that stuff to give a healthy balance.
You could ask him but they usually don't stop.
"Silly grandad, thinks we're the Royal family" everytime. "Oh no not again, etc"

titchy · 21/10/2019 17:51

Wait till she's a teen wearing three inches of make up and you're begging her not to because she's beautiful without it....

Seriously chill. It could backfire so easily - 'Mum why don't you like Grandpa calling me pretty - am I ugly?'

Her grandfather adores her - that can only be a good thing.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 21/10/2019 17:52

Couldn’t be getting my knickers in a twist about things like this while there’s still a pile of unread books by my bed.

EmmiJay · 21/10/2019 17:53

Oh so he should call her his 'bookish little elf' instead or something? I think it shows he adores her. I barely remember any of my grandparents bar one ever calling me something sweet like that. I feel we should cherish the little things and not tarnish them.

Drabarni · 21/10/2019 17:54

I wonder if these kids grow up expecting to meet a prince, who'll sweep them off their feet.
I can't believe i this day and age it still happens. I'm quite traditional when it comes to raising kids, even old fashioned, I've never dreamed of referring to a female child as a princess, or a male child a Prince.

CurryAndCobra · 21/10/2019 17:54

FFS!

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 21/10/2019 17:55

Grow Up

Christ alive, I am glad not to be married to some of you ,

He is her GRANDFATHER for chrissake , What's wrong with you?

pugparty · 21/10/2019 17:55

YANBU. Loads of people don't care about gender issues but it's OK if you do. Even more so because your daughter has already stated she doesn't like it. What does your partner say? Easier to get IL's on board when it comes from their own.

NaviSprite · 21/10/2019 17:56

My IL’s call my DD a beautiful princess (I jokingly call her little empress as she’s 2 and definitely thinks she rules the home!) and I know they mean it as innocently and lovingly as they say it. They never had a DD as MIL couldn’t conceive again after having DH - who was lucky to make it. So I have my issues with them - but I can understand their intent with terms of endearment.

We’re not in the situation of the 90’s where all princesses were helpless and in need of saving by a willing prince, there are some pretty cool examples of princesses these days (my favourite is Merida from Brave).

Maybe every time they call her princess just add like Merida from Brave or something like that?

That’s the approach I’ve decided on when my DD is a bit older (she and her twin brother have only just turned 2 today!) but I get why it grates when adding the frilly/pink/glittery clothes and such into the mix.

Cloudyapples · 21/10/2019 17:56

If dd is happy telling waiters she’s not a princess then she could surely also tell grandad herself if it makes her uncomfortable? If she doesn’t say it to him she clearly doesn’t mind him doing it.

flyingspaghettimonster · 21/10/2019 18:00

She is only 4, it's a bit hard to praise her for being clever or achievements etc so young. My grandparents would call me so many endearments, and would compliment my looks and character etc etc, and whenever I had a good preort card or wrote something or win a competition those got praised to the skies too. The first girl after so many boys is so soecial to them and I think it will seem a vit mean to try to stop them calling ger pet names etc. Clearly she had her own mind and knows she isn't a real princess... I don't think it does any harm really. They just love her.

Windygate · 21/10/2019 18:01

My DF always called DD his princess, he also bought her her first electric screwdriver and taught her to do DIY.

DonKeyshot · 21/10/2019 18:03

Your dd is a little girl who is obviously the apple of her dgf's eye.

Your fil may add further terms of endearment related to her particular talents as she grows older, but she'll always be his 'pretty princess' and she'll always fondly remember what her grandfather called her when he's long gone.

Teacakeandalatte · 21/10/2019 18:04

It sounds a bit hurtful, for someone who values kindness. Why not take it In the spirit it is intended as his way of saying he thinks she is very special.

Marinemarie · 21/10/2019 18:04

I think it’s lovely and you’re going to turn her into a precious snowflake

InsertFunnyUsername · 21/10/2019 18:06

So it is true, There are people out there who give a shit about this stuff.

Troels · 21/10/2019 18:07

My Dad called me Kitten I can be vicious LOL
Dd was called Pumpkin or Mama.
I called the boys Pumpkin too.

Majorcollywobble · 21/10/2019 18:07

He obviously thinks she’s pretty
He doesn’t really believe she’s a princess.
Princess is a euphemism used a lot in Eastenders back in the day as I recall . Unless of course your parents were Pearly Kings or Queens .
Give the poor guy a break .

Meirou90 · 21/10/2019 18:07

@redexpat

You seriously had people calling your daughter prime minister? HAHAHA that’s fucking ridiculous.

InsertFunnyUsername · 21/10/2019 18:08

FWIW I get all warm and fuzzy inside when I remember my DGF nick names for me (I was one of few girls in the family too)

Except when i realised "You are the prettiest girl in the all boys school" meant

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