To ask FIL to stop calling DD his pretty princess?

[Howdidido]

It grates me. DD4 is FILs first grand-daughter. They had 5 some and only grandsons so far.
DD doesn't particularly like being called a princess (except when dressed as a princess) and we're trying to get her to value her kindness and mind more than looks. The problem is she is adorable. (Biased obvs!) Waiters call her a princess and she replies that she's not.
But FIL is always on about how pretty his princess is. It really gets on my nerves
Otherwise lovely grandparents. They do have a tendency to overbuy pint very fluffy/sparkly clothes for her. Lots of princess/unicorn/sparkle stuff.
I know, they've only got 1 GD but can't they big up how clever she is, or strong, or everything else, like they do with all their grandsons?

Any suggestions of what I can say without offending gratefully received!

Tbh I think you are presuming they haven't read further than the title, because it suits you to believe that. People on this board read further than the title, please give us that credit at least. I myself have read the entire thread, including your replies, and I've considered them and based my replies on those, and my view hasn't changed. You are insinuating that 'if only people read further than the title, they would agree with me'. I think we've all read further than the title. Personally I agree with you that your FIL should be saying other things, such as her kindness and so on. As well as princess.

sarahnade you haven't even read the vote....there are plenty of people saying the OP is NBU.

...and a massive number of posts saying 'I liked being called princess so you a BU' which is so transparently dumb that their votes can be discounted immediately.

I'm really confused by your two posts then
I think people saying things like
I'm guessing you're a sah, snowflake mum who thinks this is an actual issue
And other things along those lines is rude.

And when you say i agree with you that your FIL should be saying other things, such as her kindness and so on. As well as princess that's exactly been the point of my whole post... So I don't understand why you say everyone says IABU and I'm having a hissy saying no I'm not.
I've agreed that just him saying pretty princess, although it grates on me isn't a problem. And I've listened to those who told me they would be upset if they were FIL and so have said I won't say anything to him. So I'm missing where I am being U now...
These are my views- I'm not asking if my views are unreasonable (or "Too PC" ) I'm asking if I would be unreasonable to say anything
And the conclusion is I would be unreasonable. So I won't. As per previous posts about 7 pages ago.

Sorry should have said
I've agreed that just him saying pretty princess, although it grates on me isn't a problem the problem is that he says it to the exclusion of other compliments.

except it actually isn't unreasonable to say anything if your DD actually dislikes being called 'pretty princess'.

Why not ask her if she is okay with it, maybe referencing that sometimes it seems she is and sometimes it seems she isn't, and then if she says she doesn't mind if from FIL, then don't say anything and if she says she does mind it then do.

Honestly this isn't complicated. People, even chidlren (ffs) don;t have to put up with nicknames they don't like.

@M3lon Last I checked it was 67% that she was BU. That's two 3rds. Is there another vote I missed? You are also presuming a lot, as well. Some people may have said that but it doesn't necessarily mean they a) voted (I rarely actually vote on these things myself) or it was there only reason. You are making a lot of presumptions.

True.
I'm going to play it by ear next time they visit. If I see it bothers her I will say something (if she doesnt)
But yesterday someone again called her a princess and she made a face- so I asked if she was and she shook her head. They then asked if she was a queen and she laughed. So it's probably something she can take up with him herself. She is only 4 though! She needs her mum to have her back!

sarah you can't characterize 400 people voting YANBU as a thread in which eveyone told the op she was BU and she ignored it though can you? More people YABU than YANBU, sure. But not a 'why did you ask if you are going to ignore everyone'.

Especially when so many of the posted comment are nothing more than projection and don;t reference the feelings of anyone other than the random poster.

Howdid absolutely you have to have her back. Don't let her learn that men can call her what they like, or force an identity on her that she doesn't want.

My father called me Baw Jaws.

Me and the dog. We were both Baw Jaws. 😥

This thread reminds me of another thread where the OP had the same objection to her lovely daughter being complimented by acquaintance etc on her lovely looks.

Unfortunately the net effect of the OP’s approach with the‘socialisation’ of her daughter - ie stressing to DD all her other qualities- was that, when complimented on her looks or they were otherwise referenced, the DD would speak at length about her own intelligence / top of the class, her sports, her music exam grades.

Leaving the OP being roundly told her DD was coming off as a spoilt brat.

A difficult one

@Aridane I remember that thread.
I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with complimenting a child’s looks.
I don’t think it’s a sexist thing either. If anything, it’s my ds who gets the compliments for looks. He has enormous blue eyes with heavy dark lashes and we get stopped on the street my strangers.
My dd is also what would be considered beautiful and gets complimented regularly but not as much as ds.
Dd is older than ds and able to understand that it’s a nice thing to happen but that doesn’t mean it’s the only strength she has.
She does, however, respond with a thank you and not a soliloquy about her other attributes and achievements

Soliloquy about other attributes and achievements!