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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious?

360 replies

FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 08:53

I've been away and this evening I arrive back. I need to get to my village which is just outside the city. My train arrives to the city at 8.30pm. I didnt realise they have cut the 9.30pm service so now my only option is to wait for the 10 30pm train to the village.

I'm really not a princess type but I'm kind of hurt that DP didbt suggest picking me up (it's a 30 min drive). He gets off work at 4pm. I feel like sometimes not being the princess type works to your disadvantage because like my DP just expects me to get on with things which I do, but I'll have been travelling all day and now I'll have to kill 2 hours in a pub near the station and I dunno. If it was reversed I think I would have just offered to pick him up?

Before anyone asks, no, I never ask him for lifts.

Would you be a bit hurt/annoyed by this or no?

OP posts:
Dalooah · 21/10/2019 08:55

Why don't you just ask if DP minds picking you up? Maybe they think that you wouldn't want that sort of treatment because you usually get on with it?
I do get an offer would have been nicer, but asking can't hurt?

DoloresDingo · 21/10/2019 08:55

Why wouldn’t you just ask him to come and get you? Yes it would be nice if he offered but if you never ask maybe he assumes you never want him to.

MrsMozartMkII · 21/10/2019 08:56

I'd feel the same way. And if it were my DH doing the journey then I'd automatically offer the lift.

StrawberryGoo · 21/10/2019 08:56

Yes I would be upset - I would definitely offer if it were my DH and I know he would offer for me.

Windydaysuponus · 21/10/2019 08:56

Well he isn't much of a partner not to offer - or you not to feel able to ask...

Bezalelle · 21/10/2019 08:56

Just ask. It's ridiculous when people just "expect" others to mind-read.

Gatehouse77 · 21/10/2019 08:57

If you don’t ask you don’t get.
But you also have to be prepared for an answer you don’t want.

Tableclothing · 21/10/2019 08:57

Ask him.

Kindness, honesty, trust, respect, reliability, sense of humour - all things you can expect in a DP. Psychic powers, not so much.

AmIThough · 21/10/2019 08:58

I agree - you should have just asked.

My DP would never think to offer but would definitely come if I asked.

Original poster
FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 09:00

I dont know why I just dont want to ask. Like clearly its inconvenient otherwise he would have offered. It's not the end of the world to wait for the train, I'll just see if someone wants to meet up for a drink. It's the lack of offering I find a bit hurtful. I dont think its about being a mind reader, I think in a relationship you do stuff to try and help your partner out...?

OP posts:
Tensixtysix · 21/10/2019 09:00

Maybe he's had a drink? But then I get the same from DH. He expects me to pick him up from anywhere if he breaks down or the like.
But if it's me, I have to make my own way back.
To be fair, his car has always broken down more than mine.

Oysterbabe · 21/10/2019 09:00

How long have you been together? Do you live together?

OhioOhioOhio · 21/10/2019 09:00

Ask

NoSauce · 21/10/2019 09:02

I would have rung DH straight away and asked him to pick me up to which he would have said of course. As I would for him.

Did he know the cut off had changed too?

Goingbacktokansascity · 21/10/2019 09:04

Don’t ask don’t get.
I purposefully don’t offer something I don’t want to do unless my DH asks and then begrudgingly I say yes 😂

Original poster
FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 09:07

Yes he knew the cut off had changed, we live together, been together three years.

Yeah I get "dont ask dont get" I just think....you can also just offer?

OP posts:
Inappropriatefemale · 21/10/2019 09:10

YANBU but YABU my not just asking him for a lift! He is your DP so need to be shy!

Maybe he thinks seen as you haven’t asked him for a lift then you must be okay travelling yourself, some people just don’t think too hard about certain things.

SpiderCharlotte · 21/10/2019 09:11

I would add thoughtfulness to the list posted by a PP too. I don't think he was particularly thoughtful.

I would have asked DH, but I wouldn't have needed to as he would have most definitely have said 'OK, I'll be there in half an hour'.

NoSauce · 21/10/2019 09:12

How did he know about the cut off but you didn’t? No need for all of this, just communicate and ask in future. Sorry but it’s pretty odd that you wouldn’t.

If you’ve never asked him for a favour in all your time together he probably thinks you don’t need or want them.

Oysterbabe · 21/10/2019 09:12

Yeah that's pretty shit then. If you'd been together 5 minutes it would maybe be different. I can't imagine my husband leaving me sat in a pub on my own for 2 hours waiting for a train. How much would a taxi be?

CalmConfident · 21/10/2019 09:14

For goodness sake just ask!

Original poster
FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 09:21

@NoSauce
He didn't know about the cut off and i didnt, I just found out and told him so he now knows.

Yeah well it's because we had an argument about this exact situation last year (arriving late to a station, hanging around, him not offering) and he told me then he wasnt a mind reader.

Meanwhile when his sister comes to visit he picks her up straight from the city, even when trains are running with no problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 09:23

Anyway I'm going to stop thinking about it now because it'll put me in a bad mood.

I guess I just think yeah, nobody's a mind reader, but you dont really have to be a mind reader do you? It's just about having a little bit of empathy for the person you're with. I dunno.

OP posts:
Benes · 21/10/2019 09:23

You'd think he'd offer....my DH certainly would. However, I'd also just ask.

Inappropriatefemale · 21/10/2019 09:24

Never mind asking him next time, just tell him that he is to pick you up!Grin

I’m half joking.