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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious?

360 replies

FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 08:53

I've been away and this evening I arrive back. I need to get to my village which is just outside the city. My train arrives to the city at 8.30pm. I didnt realise they have cut the 9.30pm service so now my only option is to wait for the 10 30pm train to the village.

I'm really not a princess type but I'm kind of hurt that DP didbt suggest picking me up (it's a 30 min drive). He gets off work at 4pm. I feel like sometimes not being the princess type works to your disadvantage because like my DP just expects me to get on with things which I do, but I'll have been travelling all day and now I'll have to kill 2 hours in a pub near the station and I dunno. If it was reversed I think I would have just offered to pick him up?

Before anyone asks, no, I never ask him for lifts.

Would you be a bit hurt/annoyed by this or no?

OP posts:
WatchingTheMoon · 21/10/2019 09:48

My husband would offer but then again, I would ask.

Use your words, you're an adult.

Pukkatea · 21/10/2019 09:48

You are definitely being overly stubborn. He could offer, he didn't, that's
a bit annoying. Now you can either ask or cut off your nose to spite your face.

Original poster
FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 09:50

@Zaphodsotherhead
Yeah that's exactly it. Thanks for sharing your experience. Plus, I have already told him how this makes me feel. It is about common courtesy.

@Mephisto
Thank you.

OP posts:
Tableclothing · 21/10/2019 09:50

Maybe his sister asked him for a lift?

RhiWrites · 21/10/2019 09:52

Sorry but I’m picking YABU. You had an argument last year where he said you expect him to be a mind reader. And you do. You think he should “just offer”. Well I think you should “just ask”. It’s shit to blame him for not helping when you won’t say what you want.

Tableclothing · 21/10/2019 09:54

OP. Asking for a lift if it will save you two hours sitting on your tod in a train station is not "being a princess type".

Refusing to ask for a lift on principle and then getting cross with someone for not doing something you didn't ask them to do and trying to get a bunch of internet strangers to validate your feelings on it - just might be.

Is it simply that you're pissed off with your DP in general and this is a peg to hang your frustrations on?

NoSauce · 21/10/2019 09:54

Billben Brew thanks.

eddielizzard · 21/10/2019 09:54

I would be hurt. But I'd text him now and say, hey, I'm exhausted, do you think you could come and fetch me please?

LuaDipa · 21/10/2019 09:54

He sounds awful. My dh wouldn’t have wanted me waiting the original hour and would have been at the station in the city to collect me at 8.30. I would have done exactly the same for him. What is the point in having a partner then having to rely on yourself all the time? I would be moving on after this.

Mephisto · 21/10/2019 09:55

So what are you planning to do, @FloatingObject?

Dishwashersaurous · 21/10/2019 09:58

His response “enjoy x” means that he thinks that you might want the peace and quiet of a pub.

He cannot know how you feel unless you tell him.

You want him to offer to pick you up but he doesn’t know that is what you want.

If you ask him and he says no I cannot be bothered then you are right to be narked but he doesn’t know that you want it

MustardScreams · 21/10/2019 10:11

Why does everything have to big so dramatic? Isn’t your life hugely stressful?

Just ask next time, instead of stewing about a non-issue and working yourself up into a froth.

Windydaysuponus · 21/10/2019 10:12

Not sure I would stay with someone who was happy I was stuck at a station for 2 hours while he sat on his arse at home...

Carrotgirl87 · 21/10/2019 10:13

Maybe he's waiting for you to ask on purpose if you have had this same argument before, and he REALLY feels he's right that you should've asked, he probably remembers it and is seeing if you heard him/listened to him. Bit mind gamey but a possibility x

Hullygully · 21/10/2019 10:14

Of course he should have offered ffs.

He's just hoping he won't have to do the hour round trip and will be in the right because "you should have asked.. I'm not a mind reader"

AmIThough · 21/10/2019 10:15

@Carrotgirl87 if he's done that and is being 'mindgamey' then so is OP.

They're both stubborn and OP would rather sit in a pub alone for two hours than just back down.

Teachermaths · 21/10/2019 10:15

Perhaps his sister asked?

Wafflecopter · 21/10/2019 10:15

Just say ‘Could you not come and get me so I don’t have to wait and I can see you sooner? I’d have thought you’d have offered!’
The it opens the conversation as to why he didn’t offer. Don’t get snappy at his replies and then you’re set up for this issue if it happens again, which hopefully it won’t.

SpiderCharlotte · 21/10/2019 10:16

You sound very young.

Whenever I see this on here I always think it sounds like a snidey insult. I hope I'm wrong.

RedskyToNight · 21/10/2019 10:16

So even when services aren't cut, this train is only every hour?

In our household we would have had a conversation about how I was getting back and I'd have said something like "I'll get the train if I don't have to wait long, could you pick me up otherwise?" Or DH would have said that.

I suspect if you give of an independent persona, DP may well think you will take offence if he offers things like this. I do agree with others, that when you sent your text, the natural thing to do would be to ask if he'd give you a lift, not say that you'd have to hang around for 2 hours.

BusterGonad · 21/10/2019 10:17

Should he really need to be asked? Is it not obvious that she'd want picking up? I give up. Is the world full of numbskulls now that need things spelling out?

Carrotgirl87 · 21/10/2019 10:17

@AmIThough agreed, I'd just ask too, in fact I'd have asked in the first text. Read a lot on here about this type of situation, man doesn't do something, argument, next time it's same situation woman waits in silence pissed off he forgets/doesn't do it again. Like testing each other. Life's too short but it happens all the time on here Confused

MitziK · 21/10/2019 10:18

Could he think that 2 hours in the pub is a good thing?

Hope you invited a nice male friend to come along to the pub and keep you company, though.

BusterGonad · 21/10/2019 10:19

@SpiderCharlotte
"You sound very young."

"Whenever I see this on here I always think it sounds like a snidey insult. I hope I'm wrong."

100% agree with you. Such a bitchy thing to say.

Lllot5 · 21/10/2019 10:23

I hate asking any one for anything.
I sooner struggle. My fault I know.
I wonder if it’s because I don’t want to be upset if someone says no. If I don’t ask I won’t hear the answer I don’t want. 🤷‍♀️