Am I being precious?

[FloatingObject]

I've been away and this evening I arrive back. I need to get to my village which is just outside the city. My train arrives to the city at 8.30pm. I didnt realise they have cut the 9.30pm service so now my only option is to wait for the 10 30pm train to the village.

I'm really not a princess type but I'm kind of hurt that DP didbt suggest picking me up (it's a 30 min drive). He gets off work at 4pm. I feel like sometimes not being the princess type works to your disadvantage because like my DP just expects me to get on with things which I do, but I'll have been travelling all day and now I'll have to kill 2 hours in a pub near the station and I dunno. If it was reversed I think I would have just offered to pick him up?

Before anyone asks, no, I never ask him for lifts.

Would you be a bit hurt/annoyed by this or no?

BadSun I was just coming on here to say the same thing.

Common Sense.

Too many people seem to think that if nobody asks them for anything, the nobody wants anything.

It's a proper let-off, isn't it? 'Just ask', 'He's not a mind-reader' - is ignoring the fact that most people who love you will offer without being mind-readers, or without needing to even think about it.

But no, women should ask men, because men are so 'other' minded that they need to be asked, otherwise it doesn't even enter their little heads that the person they love is stranded late at night, and how can they possibly be expected to know that the answer to this enormous riddle of how is she going to get home is parked outside?

Anyone who thinks that 'men think differently' and therefore should be allowed to sit on their arses not thinking at all, have given them a huge favour. Don't ask/don't get? They need to be told? Fuck that. How insulting to 'men'. An adult male is a capable of thinking about another person without being asked, FFS.

The OPs DP hasn't, and doesn't, and it's not because he is a man, and needs to be asked. It's because he doesn't care.

@Tessabelle74 - really? So your mum/sister/friend is coming to see you and texts to say she has a 2hour connection late at night - half an hour drive away from you. You think 'oh, she hasn't asked for a lift, I'll sit on the sofa and wait', yes?

She then texts to say the train is delayed, and she will miss the connection and not sure when the next train is or how she will continue her journey - you text back 'oh yes that is shit', whilst still sitting on the sofa. Because she hasn't asked so you don't think you need to do anything. Because you are not a mind-reader, after all

Because you are not a mind-reader, you don't need to think about it? Sit on the sofa and wait for her to get to you? Half an hour's drive away?

You are at that point a shit daughter/sister/friend. Not because she hasn't asked, but because you haven't given her or the situation a moments thought.

Because you don't care.

Not because she is expecting you to be a mind-reader.

OPs DP doesn't care.

He behaved like that because you called him out on his unpleasant behaviour. If he didn’t know it was wrong what would he have to feel guilty about? I would honestly cut your losses with this one, he’s just not very nice.

When I started reading this thread I must admit I was thinking "why don't you just ask him for a lift" but having read your updates I am firmly of the view that this man is a selfish wanker.

You deserve a thoughtful partner who is considerate and cares about your safety and well-being. That is not being a princess. That is the bare minimum you should expect in a relationship. Otherwise what's the point of having a partner? You might as well just be single. It would actually be better for you to be single now because his behaviour is damaging your self esteem and eroding your trust.

His aggressive/defensive reaction suggests to me that he secretly knows he's been a thoughtless prick but he just doesn't care. The lack of apology would be the nail in the coffin for me.

You deserve so much better than this. I wouldn't waste another minute with him.

@ptumbi your post was spot on. My DH would have been out the door straightaway to pick me up, or anyone else that he cares about. So would the majority of my friends' partners.

It's not really about not feeling comfortable asking him I dont think. I think it's about wanting to be in the type of relationship where somebody would be thoughtful enough to ask and would put your comfort/safety above their own comfort without even thinking twice, I guess because that's what I'd naturally do.

I think this is a bit idealistic. I come from a situation where my DH knows that I'm independent and capable and I like my own space, and is caring but almost totally unimaginative. Therefore if I tell him that I'm having problems getting home, he assumes I will sort them out;
but if I need him to collect me, he will come without hesitation when I ask him.

His reaction to your conversation sounds poor, but he may well be thinking "FFS, why didn't you just ask?"

Yes but if this conversation happened with my DH (it wouldn't as he would come and pick me up without me having to ask) he'd feel bad that i was upset and say "oh no, I'm sorry, you should have asked! Next time I'll come and get you." Not get angry and sneery and swear at me. OP deserves better.

@ptumbi I do apologise that the OP drip fed all that rather than just putting it in the original post. From the original info, my comment would stand, after many, many pages of actually getting the story out, yes her DP is a knob. Moral of the story, don't bloody drip feed if you want proper opinions!

A lot of that actually happened after the original post @Tessabelle74

Think the moral of the story is RTFT!