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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

21 yr old daughter doesnt want to contribute to our home financially

407 replies

worcestershiremum · 18/10/2019 22:43

my daughter totally refused to contribute to household financially,she paid a small amount last year,but just refuses and says i just want her for her ££,I paid my mum and dad from 16
any suggestions?
Im deff being taken for a mug

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 18/10/2019 22:43

Tell her to move out then! Give her notice and stick to it

OccamsRaiser · 18/10/2019 22:44

Time for her to look at what it will cost to live out of home then!

SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 18/10/2019 22:44

She can find somewhere else to live then 🤷‍♀️

TimeIhadaNameChange · 18/10/2019 22:44

Give her a month's notice to move out.

smilethoyourheartisbreaking · 18/10/2019 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

C0untDucku1a · 18/10/2019 22:45

Why does she have the choice? You need to do some parenting here.

IHaveBrilloHair · 18/10/2019 22:46

Off she goes then.
Why are you letting this happen?

Soontobe60 · 18/10/2019 22:47

What job does she have? What (apart from the usual utilities / mortgage) do you pay for? When is she moving out? .?

MeTheeAndACupOfTea · 18/10/2019 22:47

Then she will be happy to move out and pay her own way in life won't she.

cherryblossomgin · 18/10/2019 22:48

Change the wifi password, If she refuses to contribute she doesn't get access.

DramaAlpaca · 18/10/2019 22:48

You need to toughen up. Either she pays you a reasonable amount or she moves out. It's quite simple.

I got my working young adults to set up a weekly standing order from their bank accounts to mine, so I didn't need to nag them for money.

Mephisto · 18/10/2019 22:48

Part of learning to be an adult is paying your way. She needs to contribute.

How much is she earning? I was paying my mum £200 per month.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 18/10/2019 22:49

Sorry OP you're either the parent and tell her what to do...or you're the housemate who she owes her fair share. I'm pretty sure you know the answer here. There is no way of nicely persuading her. Because she is a spoiled selfish child

Witchofzog · 18/10/2019 22:49

What an entitled brat. She needs to be given notice, then she will see what the real world is like

Thehop · 18/10/2019 22:50

Doesn’t she?

Bless her. I don’t want to contribute to mine but it’s tough shit really!

Give her notice and stop doing anything for her. Bedroom radiator off unless she does
jobs in the house to pay her way until she goes. She wants a shower? She hoovers the lounge etc.

Wants some laundry? She irons your work trousers.

bridgetreilly · 18/10/2019 22:50

What is her situation? I have more sympathy if, for example, she's still doing a medical degree which doesn't give her time to get a job as well, than if she's earning £40k/year.

BrigitsBigKnickers · 18/10/2019 22:50

Don't cook- don't clean, don't buy food, change the password on the router. Don't let her use anything you buy in the house( washing powder/ shampoo etc) see how long she lasts. It depends on how much she earns but she should be contributing something.

amicissimma · 18/10/2019 22:52

Poor thing! Sounds like she needs some good advice.

AnotherEmma · 18/10/2019 22:52

Is she working, studying, what?
If I were you I'd find out the going rate for a lodger and tell her she can pay you that or move out. If you're being nice you could give her a month.

SunshineAngel · 18/10/2019 22:52

She's an adult. While you quite clearly can't throw her out (probably not without feeling incredibly guilty, anyway), you can certainly stop her from eating food that you buy, or using the WiFi, or watching what she wants on the main TV. She should also never be allowed friends/boyfriends over. Basically don't do anything for her. Sorry, but at the age of 21 I wouldn't have dreamed of living at home without contributing. It's just so disrespectful to the people who raised you if you choose to do that.

EmmiJay · 18/10/2019 22:55

Time to cut her off. Food, wifi, lifts (?), anything. She can pay her own way if thats the case. Shes 21 and has money, she'll do fine if she wsnts to leave home.

NoSquirrels · 18/10/2019 22:55

Does she work or is she a student?

What are her plans for moving out?

Walnutwhipster · 18/10/2019 22:58

You're not doing her any favours by allowing this. Tell her to move move out. I saved DS1's board for him (the only adult child yet) and gave it back when he bought a house at 23.

Bananalanacake · 18/10/2019 22:59

when I was 21 my DM made it clear she expected me to move out. I was happy to as I wanted my own space. before then I was paying rent and doing cleaning and laundry and cooking family meals twice a week. it's normal to pay your way.

Mayborn · 18/10/2019 22:59

Going against the grain here but I wouldn’t be charging my kids as long as:

  1. I could afford it
  2. They were clearly saving the equivalent amount into eg deposit for a house

If they did pay and I didn’t need the money I would set it aside and give to them when they left home / bought flat / had baby