21 yr old daughter doesnt want to contribute to our home financially

[worcestershiremum]

my daughter totally refused to contribute to household financially,she paid a small amount last year,but just refuses and says i just want her for her ££,I paid my mum and dad from 16
any suggestions?
Im deff being taken for a mug

You can only behave like this is people allow it to happen

Change the wifi password, If she refuses to contribute she doesn't get access

Better still, change your WiFi router identity to PAYUPYA_BIATCH!

Show her where the door is then. If she is earning, she should be contributing.

If she's not in higher education and has got income, then she should contribute.

When I started university at 18, I lived at home because I didn't get enough of a grant (loooong time ago) to move out. Because I was staying at home, the grant was then substantially reduced as living costs weren't involved. It barely covered my train ticket into London.

I had a Saturday job for extras, including stationery and clothes - but my parents said I should pay board as well, as I had a grant. I managed to argue successfully that my grant had been reduced because I was living at home (this was true) and so I couldn't actually pay them board or I'd have no money for anything else.

I did help out round the house though. And when I left University I moved straight out, to a different area, for my job, where (guess what!) I had to pay rent and bills and so on.

Both my siblings, who did not go into higher education, paid board.

Your DD, if she's not in higher education, should be paying her way - and if she refuses, tell her to go and try freeloading elsewhere and see how far it gets her. She should be learning that there are no free rides in this world or she'll get a nasty shock later on.

that's unusual if relying on a mortgage. The majority of lenders won't touch under 25's.

I bought mine at 24 5 years ago. Didn't have a huge deposit, just took advantage of the help to buy scheme. I think my deposit was about 9k.

Tell her you definitely don't want her for her money & that she has till the end of the month to move out, at which point locks, wifi etc will all be changed.

I did not take any off mine, DS saved his extra towards a house after uni and bought at 24, nearly 25. DD is living rent free now doing the same. She is four months back home and has 4.5k savings. She did live post uni in a house share paying all her bills and rent though so was immediately £500 a month better off.

Important point, we don’t need the board money and you can buy a two bed house in DS area for 130k and DDs preferred city 195k

For those questioning buying a house young, I bought mine at 21 in 2007, just after qualifying and completing my degree, with no help from parents. I am in the north east so prices are lower, and my degree was funded by the NHS so I know I was lucky. However it’s certainly not a thing of the 90s to be able to buy a house young. Mine was just before the housing crash and before mortgage rules tightened, but most of my friends bought property also within the next few years. A few family members in their mid twenties have just bought homes with no or limited parental help. It’s certainly harder than it used to be, and I’m sure in certain areas it can be impossible. It really isn’t impossible for everyone though and you can’t assume that everyone posting on the thread is in London with astronomical house prices. There are huge areas of the country where prices are reasonable. We have no idea where the OP lives for example, and a few years of saving a few hundred a month could well count towards a chunk of a deposit (that’s assuming she’s in a position to do so)

OP, I was expected to contribute to the household as soon as I was earning at 16. I wasn’t always happy about it, but it helped me to learn to manage my finances. I’d suggest you tell her to start looking at what it would cost her to move out. You can’t physically force her to pay and I wouldn’t be kicking her out, but I certainly wouldn’t be making life comfortable for her and if she won’t contribute I wouldn’t be cooking, providing food, mobile phone, or doing any laundry for her. I also wouldn’t be allowing any friends over.

I hope when my DD is older I will be in a position to secretly save any contribution she makes to the household for if she needs financial help in the future (my mum wasn’t). She will certainly be contributing from her first job though.

33Ponoka7

@Bowerbird5 that's unusual if relying on a mortgage. The majority of lenders won't touch under 25's.

How did they do that?

I had a mortgage at 18 my husband was 21 , I know loafs of people who had mortgages at under 25 ?

Thinking about it both my daughter and son were under 25 when they bought houses

Send her a Sorry You’re Leaving card.

When I was at uni and home for summer etc I didn’t financially contribute but it was expected that I do my own washing and cooking plus contribute to the household chores.

When I got a job I was paying £200 in rent a month. Wouldn’t have dreamed of complaining as I knew full well anywhere else would cost me at least three times that much when you factor in bills.

I think it all depends on what what you're used to. My parents never charged myself or my sister rent (I never came back after uni bit sister stayed until she was 28 and had saved enough to buy a house ). I don't think I would want to charge my son's, but I'm no where near that yet.

I suppose if you've told her what you want her to pay and she's point blank refusing, then that's pretty rude.

Don’t you mean “my daughter has told me she wants to leave home”?

Personally I wouldn't charge her if I could afford not to and if I knew she was saving for a deposit.

I never paid a penny when I lived at home. Nor my parents asked me to. But they are quite well off though. It could have been different if they were struggling. I saved up a lot of money to buy a house and pay off very young.

*Two of my children bought a house at 21 and 23

You must live in an incredibly cheap part of the country. Or they have staggeringly well paid jobs and had help with the deposit.*

Same here with both of my DDs. Left uni, and after working for a year both had saved enough to buy their own houses. They were very small, in cheaper parts of town, needed a bit of TLC but did the job of getting them on the housing ladder. FWIW, buying can be much cheaper than renting. Both lived away from home after Uni, still in house shares, so they could save for their deposits. We helped out with a small contribution. The problem is that these days millennials tend to want it all. New car, latest phones, designer handbags and clothes, expensive nights out, lots of holidays. So they can't save up, and their lifestyle is being subsidised by their parents.
I have 8 nephews and nieces, they all bought their own houses by their mid 20s. They have a range of jobs, some well paid, some not so much. None of them are entitled because me and my siblings taught them to work for the things they wanted in life.

Struggling or not I paid a proportion of my wage into the house from a 15 when I got a Saturday job. Not a lot initially but the principle that all of the money you earn doesn’t belong to you is a good one for young people to learn early on. The money I gave as a teenager went on additional things for me beyond basic toiletries etc but later on it paid some household bills and everyone in the house benefitted.

There are life lessons in there not least that everyone needs to pay to live, your wage can’t just go on fun and if you want nice things, that comes after basic bills have been paid. I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable to expect young adults to pay their way.

@Aunaturalmama

I would bet good money that the clients your DH supports did not all have perfect lives up until such points as their parents made them leave home. Several of my friends work with disaffected youths, homeless adults, people with mental health problems. In my job I work with struggling families. Becoming homeless is, in the main, a consequence of a long time struggling for myriad reasons.
I doubt that anyone on here is actually proposing that they literally throw this person out on the streets with their belongings in a bin bag. It's a metaphorical phrase. No reasonable parent would see their child on the streets if it can be avoided at all. I suspect your DHs clients don't have reasonable parents though.

Is she working? What sort of wage is she on?

My parents charged me 200 a month and I really hated it. I wanted to move out but it was hard aged 19, I wanted to see friends to but most months I could only afford to go out once as I was trying to save to. Precious as that sounds I dont think it's fair. I wont be charging my girls, I will however be expecting them to help out around the house lots, maybe I'd give them a choice and save it for them

It depends what she is doing and how much she earns, surely?

I never paid a penny when I was at home. I was at uni, twice. Got a job, saved up for a year then bought a house around 24. If I'd been paying board, I don't think I could have afforded to move out. Maybe tell her it's time to move out, and help her look around and tell her to save up. Can she save up for a year while living at yours?

It would be reasonable for her to contribute at least a bit, even if she is saving. I paid the council tax and water bill for my parents as long as I promised to save the rest I would pay for a house (which is what I wanted to do; they didn't insist I saved for that but if I wasn't then it would be fairer to pay more towards living costs). I don't agree that kicking her out does any good, but what does she say when you mention paying?

Not sure how I feel about this. I've never charged my son money for living at home as I felt bad asking a loved DS for money. He's nearly 40 now and during my divorce and subsequent house move he was so kind to me. He paid for all my removals and made sure I had food and could pay the bills until I was back on my feet.
We feel our relationship is based on providing for each other when one needs the other.