Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has left my bag at home.

217 replies

blackwych · 18/10/2019 21:39

We are on weekend break. We have only just arrived after a ridiculous long detour because DH is a slave to the satnav. He unpacked the car, I said 'Where's the rucksack?' and he said 'What rucksack?' It has my hairbrush, medication, books, phone charger, toothbrush, earplugs, mascara, deodorant etc etc.. It wouldn't all fit in the suitcase. The suitcase contains nothing but damp clothes. Would I be unreasonable to kill him?

OP posts:
User7429001 · 19/10/2019 07:27

You are being unreasonable about your meds, your illness, your meds= your responsibility I learnt that as a child with my inhalers

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/10/2019 07:28

This is mumsnet. Absolutely kill him, kill him now!

CottonSock · 19/10/2019 07:29

My dh once didn't pack the bag containing the hand luggage for a flight with a baby. I did blame him, it was in the pile of other bags. Luckily we had time to return home. It had the nappies etc in bag.

Billben · 19/10/2019 07:31

How do we know that packing the car wasn’t the one thing OP’s OH did for the trip. Would almost certainly be the case in my house.

The same here. He only has to pack his own suitcase. I pack mine, the kids’, plus food, blankets etc. I then put everything by the front door and DH packs the car. That is his only job. If it’s by the front door, it goes in the car. I’m pretty sure he would rather chose the responsibility of packing the car over having to pack everybody else’s luggage and extras you tend to take on a trip.

RingtheBells · 19/10/2019 07:33

I always clutch my rucksack firmly to myself as I could never trust DH with it and check it when I get in the car. Lesson learned for next time OP

Oblomov19 · 19/10/2019 07:35

I too pack the bags. Dh loads them in the car.

This is his fault.

Without my medication, we would have to return home/ get emergency from GP, some sort of Doctor/A&E.

cushioncovers · 19/10/2019 07:37

If you had allocated jobs for the trip and his was to pack the car then yes kill him.

MerryMarigold · 19/10/2019 07:38

We have a similar system in our house where DH packs the car, and yes it's generally his only contribution, apart from finances. I'm willing to bet though that the bag slipped off and away from the pile or never made the pile.

adaline · 19/10/2019 07:41

Even if it was DH's "job" to pack the car I would still make sure I had my bag with my essentials in it!

DH is often the one who packs up the car while I take the dog for his last walk around the block but I would still double check I had all my things before we drove off. It would have taken seconds for OP to stick her head round the door and realise the rucksack was still in the hallway.

It might be her DH's "job" but she's the one who hasn't got half her stuff with her because she didn't double check!

Mumofone1862 · 19/10/2019 07:45

It is easy to not realise what's to be packed, I make my husband put his stuff by the door if he wants it packing. I honestly wouldn't blame him for not packing it unless you put it by the door, which in that case you could have seen it wasn't packed and picked it up yourself.

Try to enjoy the weekend and don't ruin a trip over a mistake.

User7429001 · 19/10/2019 07:45

My DH also packs up the car when go away. I need regular meds I make sure I pack them.

AgathaTheAardvark · 19/10/2019 07:47

We do the "put all the bags in a big pile and DH packs the car" method, BUT, I always carry my own big handbag with all the essential stuff myself.

You trusted the "PATBIABPADHPTC" method too much op! That's useless information for you at the moment, but good for the future.

Yes, annoying though, seeing as it's always worked before. Hope you get your medication ok. You could probably arrange for a prescription if you phoned your gp surgery and explained? Some are open on Saturdays now.

I don't think I'd be at kill level with dh over it though. It is your bag after all. I don't leave the house without checking my essentials bag is in the car or on my arm.

mathanxiety · 19/10/2019 07:54

Do the damp clothes not stink?

Littlecaf · 19/10/2019 08:07

We sort of have this system although DH is actually quite good at packing stuff, the kids and his own, but he has been known to tell me to stop worrying and faffing when I double and then when we get to the destination I say “where are the travel cot sheets?” Or “did you pick up the travel cot duvet” and it reminds me why I pack instead.....

londonrach · 19/10/2019 08:10

Why damp clothes. Why didnt you pack your bag.

YeOldeTrout · 19/10/2019 08:12

Sorry you're getting grief, OP.

I would be very upset too.
I hope you manage to get the meds you need.

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 19/10/2019 08:17

Another useless man being made excuses for !

Why should the op have to check another adults job ?

Ponoka7 · 19/10/2019 08:18

londonrach, the OP has explained that she did a wash yesterday morning and packed the damp clothes after coming in from work.

She packs, he loads the car.

Although I'm on medication from the hospital and i take responsibility for it. I wouldn't always take a handbag, so the rucksack would be in place of that.

SoupDragon · 19/10/2019 08:19

Why should the op have to check another adults job ?

Because it's her bag with her medication and her responsibility.

SoupDragon · 19/10/2019 08:20

I can guarantee that if it was the DHs bag and the OP who left it behind it would be his fault for not doing it.

adaline · 19/10/2019 08:23

Why should the op have to check another adults job ?

Because it's her bag with her essentials in it.

If a husband was whinging because his wife didn't put his bag in the car everyone would be telling him it was his responsibility!

diddl · 19/10/2019 08:40

My husband puts cases in the car-usually whilst I'm in the bathroom having my last weeGrin

How was the rucksack missed, Op, do you know?

If I had put a rucksack on top of my case then the rucksack would be taken off to put the cases in first.

But then husband would know that he needed to go back for more stuff iyswim.

And I'd notice my rucksack on the way out if it was still there.

reluctantbrit · 19/10/2019 08:45

I really don’t understand the need on MN to always have everything separate and only be responsible for your own things.

We always pack in mixed bags, no need to have two half packed ones. As long as everyone puts everything they want to take on to the be one is packing and when everything is downstairs one is bringing bags to the car. So yes, if a bag would have been left behind the one packing the car would be to blame.

The only thing I do myself and DH knows not to touch is my handbag.

We forgot several things, like all our coats one year. No need to blame just the owner of each coat.

notacooldad · 19/10/2019 08:51

Once we have packed everything in the car we have a final visual sweep.
We check kitchen work top, hall table, living room etc to make sure nothing has been left out e.g. Passports, phone chargers handbags etc. In the car we say, ' right, passports are in the Lowe Alpine rucksack, walllet is in the side pocket ..... and so on'. I know it sounds over the top but I thought everyone did that!

adaline · 19/10/2019 08:55

I really don’t understand the need on MN to always have everything separate and only be responsible for your own things.

It's not really about a need as such.

But if I'm going on holiday and know I need to take essentials with me (medication, tampons, whatever it might be) I wouldn't hold DH responsible for remembering them. Just as I wouldn't think to remember his sunglasses (for example) or his hay fever tablets. He needs them - as an adult it's his responsibility to remember them and I'd be pretty pissed off if we'd just driven two hours and he realised he'd forgotten something and blamed me for it!