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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has left my bag at home.

217 replies

blackwych · 18/10/2019 21:39

We are on weekend break. We have only just arrived after a ridiculous long detour because DH is a slave to the satnav. He unpacked the car, I said 'Where's the rucksack?' and he said 'What rucksack?' It has my hairbrush, medication, books, phone charger, toothbrush, earplugs, mascara, deodorant etc etc.. It wouldn't all fit in the suitcase. The suitcase contains nothing but damp clothes. Would I be unreasonable to kill him?

OP posts:
midnightmisssuki · 19/10/2019 00:09

It’s not ‘women’s’ responsibility- it’s called packing your own shit because you’re an adult. I pack the car for myself and my children - husband always sorts himself out. Sometimes he packs for the children but I always pack and carry my own stuff.

Itsrebekahvardysaccount · 19/10/2019 00:17

How do we know that packing the car wasn’t the one thing OP’s OH did for the trip. Would almost certainly be the case in my house.

AlunWynsKnee · 19/10/2019 00:20

My medication (hospital dispensed) goes in my handbag. I need control over that. Everything else can be bought.
We pack and dump by the front door but we both do a swoop around the house to double check things are on/off/picked up.

queenqueenqueen · 19/10/2019 00:23

😂😂 you are gonna get flamed here op 😬

LittlePaintBox · 19/10/2019 00:40

I often take damp clothes away, having had days to get myself organised, I wash them at the last minute and hang them up to dry when I arrive at my destination.

I do think YABU to be murderously angry with him, these things happen. We once got halfway to spend Christmas with my mum and dad and realised halfway that neither of us had put the presents in the car, so we had to go back. My DH tried to pin it on my as it was my parents we were spending the holiday with, but I considered it a shared responsibility that neither of us had stepped up to.

missperegrinespeculiar · 19/10/2019 00:49

I think YANBU, it's not expecting him to take responsibility for you, it's a team effort! it would be very sad if in preparation for a holiday each partner did only the bits that concern him or herself, and once you have responsibility for a part of the organisation, then, well, you have responsibility!

That said, if it were me, that rucksack would have not left my side for five minutes till safely at destination! you are a more trusting soul than me!

Breathlessness · 19/10/2019 00:51

Some people aren’t bothering to read this. She did pack her own bag. She put it with the other bags in the hall. Her DP loaded the car. He didn’t put the bag in the boot.

That’s the same system I alway used with my now ex DH. I’d do all the packing, he put all the bags in the car (as only he could be trusted to ‘load’ the car properly.) It’s the same system my parents used.

It’s no help to you now OP but I put half my essential meds (including prescriptions) in my handbag as they’re the hardest to replace. I put the other half in the suitcase in case my handbag got lost or stolen. Is it prescription medication?

Theresnobslikeshowbs · 19/10/2019 00:54

Every family member and friend know to ask me as we are leaving the house ‘Do you have your meds?’ Not because I’ve ever forgotten them, but because I will be very unwell without. Maybe that’s your dp’s new question whenever you leave to go away!

HouseworkAvoider10 · 19/10/2019 01:00

I would never depend on any man to handle any of my stuff.
I watch my stuff like a hawk when i'm travelling
leaving this to some men is a sure fire way for it to get left behind.

Duck90 · 19/10/2019 01:05

Everything you listed in the bag is on my important list. So yabu for leaving responsibility on anyone else. I don’t view this as a gender divide. Except you allowed roles to exist.

Breathlessness · 19/10/2019 01:06

It helps if you’re a little paranoid and have a weak bladder. I was always the last to leave the house after one more trip to the loo, rechecking all the doors were locked, the heating was set to low and the hot water off.

Breathlessness · 19/10/2019 01:09

It’s not about what sex you are it’s about how you divide tasks as a couple. If you’re sharing a suitcase do you carry it to the car together?

TwoIsNotBetterThanOne · 19/10/2019 01:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BringMeAGinandTonic · 19/10/2019 01:51

I'm more wondering why you're posting on MN instead of enjoying your weekend getaway OP. Get your meds and whatever else you can nearby and go enjoy yourself. :)

MiniMum97 · 19/10/2019 02:04

I know you shouldn't have to buy this would stress me out so much I would always check we have all the bags before leaving. I wouldn't leave it to my DH. We once went on holiday and he left the front door wide open. Police had left a card when we floor back! Luckily nothing was taken! So no I don't trust him to make sure everything is in the car!

Aridane · 19/10/2019 02:13

Assuming your medication to be prescription medication, 111 will advise you how to get an emergency prescription filled. It's easy enough in London but obviously you may be rural ,

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/10/2019 06:40

I have the same system with my dh. I put the stuff in the hall and he carries the cases that I pack downstairs. I can understand why you are upset. Ultimately Lesson learnt, don’t get in the car until you have checked everything is packed.

adaline · 19/10/2019 06:49

@Breathlessness and that system failed OP as she's the one without all her essentials because she didn't double-check her bag was in the car before they left.

If it was the other way around and OP hadn't put her DH's bag in the car I'm sure everyone would be quick to say "his problem

  • he's an adult why didn't he do it himself!"
Mephisto · 19/10/2019 06:53

@minesagin37
Lesson learned- don't leave him to pack the car. Do it yourself.

Or maybe just do a fonal check every time. Why should OP take on work? Maybe they split the work evenly.

Di11y · 19/10/2019 06:53

ive managed to get emergency prescription in rural Devon a couple of days before Xmas, you'll be ok on the meds front. just call 111.

NoSauce · 19/10/2019 06:54

I’m sorry but I also think this is your fault.

When we are going away we have this habit/rule of everyone that wants/needs to take something with us has to bring it to the hall, it’s their responsibility to whether it gets put in the car, if it doesn’t then it’s nobody’s fault but theirs.

Never assume anything OP Wink. Hope it doesn’t ruin your trip though.

historysock · 19/10/2019 06:58

This happened to me once. We were going skimming and all the bags were on the bed. H was bringing the bags down and putting them in the car whilst I wrangled the kids. 8 hour drive to the ski place. Got there. One bag missing and of course the one that contained my glasses, contact lenses fluid, make up, hair straighteners etc. Que a big spend in a late night pharmacy...
When we got back a week later there was my bag sitting on the bed. He had just got distracted and forgotten it.

I think you are getting some harsh responses. If you have packed for everyone, wrangled the kids, left all the bags in one place, and DH's only job was to put them in the car, why must it also be your job to check he has done that right too??
Yanbu to be annoyed!

LenoVintura · 19/10/2019 07:12

We got a phone call one evening from our dear friends who had arrived at the airport a 90 minute drive away and realised that the actual suitcase was still at home on the bed. DH headed over to their house, one of them (guess which Wink ) headed back and they met in the middle where DH handed over the suitcase (which not only had been left behind, but hadn't even been fully packed -DH finished the packing for them Grin. )
Could you do that OP?

adaline · 19/10/2019 07:15

Why should OP take on work?

I don't know - maybe because it's her bag and it has her important things in it? Confused

Daffodil101 · 19/10/2019 07:26

So many harsh replies!

In our house, I pack for myself and two children. I take the bags to the garage and they are left in a pile for packing. It’s quite obvious where the pile begins and ends, ie, it’s a mountain of stuff.

It sounds as though the OP has a similar system, except that her husband didn’t actually check he’d cleared the pile. I’d be really annoyed about that - how hard can it be?

Thinking about it, OP, id make sure your meds are in the car with you rather than in the packed bags. I am very short sighted and I’m paranoid about losing my glasses and contact lenses (I’d be like Thelma from Scooby Doo). I always have them in my handbag on trips, along with the kids special cuddly toys.

On the two occasions I’ve left responsibility for kids cuddly toys to other people, DH left them both in the bedsheets in a hotel and DD left hers abroad. I had a nightmare getting them both back, which I did eventually. It’s not worth the stress, anything valuable is on my body at all times when travelling.