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Original poster

Is she right? Am I selfish ?

220 replies

scissorhans · 17/10/2019 10:17

My girlfriend accused me of being selfish and not putting her priority.
I went to Prague last weekend to a stag. I came home hungover and wiped. I told her I was too wrecked to meet until last night. I went on Friday, came home on Sunday . I met her last Wednesday. Am I being selfish on this? I would understand if she did this.

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 17/10/2019 11:09

Yanbu. Does she do this a lot? It sounds needy to me

IncrediblySadToo · 17/10/2019 11:10

It sounds like she wants to move things forward and you don’t?! Has she been talking about living together?

I think it’s a bit strange that you got back Sunday, but didn’t want to see her before Wednesday 🤷🏻‍♀️

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 17/10/2019 11:11

We are together a year.
She complains about our time together not being enough.

Walk away. Neither of you are wrong, you just want different things from a relationship.

ChuckleBuckles · 17/10/2019 11:11

Was it just over this stag that she feels she is not a priority or is it in general OP? Not really enough info to get a sense of how serious the relationship is.

Whattodoabout · 17/10/2019 11:12

I think she just wants more from the relationship than you’re willing to give.

Bluerussian · 17/10/2019 11:12

I don't think you did anything wrong. Your girlfriend will get over it, maybe she already has.

It sounds as though you generally see quite a lot of each other.

Mishfit0819 · 17/10/2019 11:13

You were not unreasonable imo but is it possible she was a bit paranoid about what you got up to on the stag and why you weren't seeing her for days afterwards? Maybe a trust issue?

AutumnRose1 · 17/10/2019 11:13

Sounds clingy and needy to me.

Dahlietta · 17/10/2019 11:13

Zebraaa is really spreading the kindness dust around this morning.

Ninkaninus · 17/10/2019 11:14

On this one incident alone, no, I don’t think you were selfish. But you say she has complained in the past that she is not a priority and you don’t make time for her. This may or may not be true, we don’t know. You need to consider how important she is to you and whether or not you are going to listen to what she says, consider it carefully and address the underlying issue(s) rather than arguing about each specific instance. If you cannot or are not willing to give her what she needs and she is unable or unwilling to make some allowances to your position, then you are probably not well suited to each other and it would be better to accept that and move on.

zafferana · 17/10/2019 11:19

From the small amount of information you've given us, no YANBU. She sounds needy and rather controlling tbh if you're not allowed to go away with friends and take a few days to recover without it making her angry. Does she not have much of a life herself, by any chance? Is she sitting by the phone waiting for you to call? If so, I'd take a long, hard look at this relationship, as it sounds suffocating.

AllOuttaIdeas · 17/10/2019 11:20

PP has nailed it..

If I was your girlfriend and we were relatively serious..then yes, I'd feel that it was a bit ridiculous that you didn't want to make more effort to get together sooner...I'd be thinking that obviously you don't particularly miss me when you're away from me and that therefore you're not really taking this relationship as seriously... It's okay if you don't feel the need to see her for a whole week. But if she wants more then it's also okay for her to consider this insufficient

Mummyshark2018 · 17/10/2019 11:20

Yanbu, she's being ridiculous.

BertrandRussell · 17/10/2019 11:22

Checking in as a non man hater.

You sound incompatible.

Longlongsummer · 17/10/2019 11:23

Not unreasonable.

Longlongsummer · 17/10/2019 11:25

I’d actually hate this. If a man wanted to see me straight away. It’s only a day or so.

I imagine there’s some trust issues. You were away on a stag. She’s probably feeling she wants more or is insecure. Or some people seem to need to see their boyfriends all the bloody time! Not me.

SilverySurfer · 17/10/2019 11:27

Sounds reasonable to me, assuming you're not going on stags every week.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/10/2019 11:28

YOu know what, it really doesn't matter if she's "right" or you are.

She's hurt - if you care about her enough you'll stop banging on about her being wrong and apologise, and make it up to her.

IF on the the other hand you can't be doing with it and think she's too clingy then split up with her and go find someone else who'd rather have the part time BF that you want to be.

You're showing her that you're just not that bothered about either seeing her, or her feelings.

Is it worth it?

Original poster
scissorhans · 17/10/2019 11:29

I didn't see her for the full week. I did not see a problem here but lately she is getting demanding about seeing me and doing things during the week. I work and travel every day and need to wind down in the evening time.
Her wish is to move in but I am not ready.

OP posts:
DiseasesOfTheSheep · 17/10/2019 11:32

Well I'd consider your girlfriend needy, clingy and entirely incompatible with my lifestyle.

She's not unreasonable to want more, but you're not obliged to provide that for her.

AutumnRose1 · 17/10/2019 11:32

OP
Looking at your update, you need to break it off

snowbear66 · 17/10/2019 11:33

Her wish is to move in but I am not ready

This is your real problem.

BrokenWing · 17/10/2019 11:33

Based on one incident she seems clingy and doesn't have enough going on in her own life that she is getting so upset at a one off where you don't see each other for a week.

While being with someone like this can, for the first year or two, initially be a huge ego boost, long term it can get boring and draining.

If it is a regular occurrence the answers would be different.

Beautiful3 · 17/10/2019 11:35

I think that's fine. As long as you called her to catch up?

BrokenWing · 17/10/2019 11:38

x post with your last post. Is she "the one" or is she "alright for now", after a year you should have an inkling one way or another.

If she is the one, doesn't mean you need to move in yet, but let her know its on the cards for the future.

If she is just alright for now, which I think is more likely as you sound incompatible, then don't waste her or your time and let her go.

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