To give DH silent treatment?

[DisneyMadeMeDoIt]

DH bought our house before we met. It’s a terraced with students next door but he’s a ‘heavy sleeper’!

Im not - have slept with ear plugs in for almost two years.

I’m now 16 weeks pregnant (fully planned- DH agreed we would move) and had an awful pregnancy- HG, depression + every symptom going (despite being perfectly fit/healthy before).

A group of loud teen girls have moved in next door talking, laughing, cooking, hair dryers, music, constantly setting off fire alarms cooking...etc. It’s grinding me down, I’m frequently woken up.

DH sleeps through it all whilst I suffer and I’m starting to really hate him and this house!

He is SO picky and unrealistic for our budget in our area (but he’s not willing to relocate) the few he does like are awfully old fashioned and need SO much work doing - which we will never do! (He works 60+ hours a week and has never finished a DIY job he started.)

I arranged 3 viewings this weekend, first two weren’t right but the third (today) was PERFECT!

• Price
• Location
• Size
• No work needed

Beautiful beautiful family home, ticked every box we had and I fell in love with it. DH was quiet as soon as we left, avoided asking what I thought. Then made a shitty comment about one of the bedrooms being down stairs (HE KNEW THIS BEFORE WE WENT) I’d shown him the floor plan and he pointed it out but didn’t have an issue!

It’s new to the market and it will go fast (high demand area) with very few family homes becoming available/ but I feel like he’s just dragging his feet and being an arse because our current house is right next to his work and it’s easier for him.

He’s mentioned ‘moving after baby’ a few times but I’m due in April- so we’ll have a new born during all the ‘end of term’ madness and student parties!

I feel so trapped, like I have no other choice than to just put up with everything and now I’m pregnant I have no control over anything - not even my body! On reflection I should have insisted on moving before getting pregnant.

I’m so angry at him I’m not speaking to him- which I know in part is down to my illness/hormones...he just sent me a link to another gaudy old house in need of tons of work and I’m like 😡 NO YOU KNOW WE WILL HAVE A NEW BORN AND NO TIME TO DO DIY!!

Trying to have calm conversations with him about is getting me nowhere and I’m honestly just at my wits end! Feel like packing up and moving back to my parents!

Honestly?

Go. It might be the wake up call that he needs. He sounds selfish.

I feel unreasonable as I know he’s entitled to say ‘I don’t like this house’ but honestly I’m just so fed up. Feel like my urgency to move is 100% and his is middling at 30-40%!

He ONLY looks at houses when I have a go...and I suspect he is then purposely finding houses that aren’t right - as he usually has lovely taste but these are hideous!

Agreed! Go! But also when baby comes and won’t sleep and screams all night move back in so the students can get a taste of their own medicine. Have you complained to the owner about their noise?

I would insist on that house and not let us until he agrees to it.

Let up

@Cloudyapples

The issue is they’re not partying they’re making ‘normal’ living noise but loudly and there’s ZERO noise insulation.

My mum stayed over a few weeks ago and was woken twice through the night when they came in from town at 3am and were opening/closing doors - giggling and flushing the loo..etc

I'd go. He will also never hear the baby, you can guarantee it. You'll be stuck doing every single night and never get a lie-in because he 'just didn't hear'. He has no intention of moving. You need some space and sleep. I'd go and stay your parents'.

To be honest I would go to my parents. He doesn’t want to move and is wearing you down.

The landlord sort of shrugs his shoulders (nice guy actually) but end of the day it’s a student area- not a family one and they’ve been asked to keep it down but don’t!

By the time the gov do anything about it they’ll have moved out and the next lot will be in!

Jeez. I was in a similar situation when I was pregnant with my first. I’m an insomniac anyway as well as problem pregnancy And we lived in a flat with student neighbours.
I was adamant that we had to move. It was further away from Dhs work but you know what? We moved cos she knew it would be better for me and the baby. Apart from the fact that if you can’t sleep through all the noise how the hell does he think a newborn will sleep through it all?
Don’t give him the silent treatment. Start talking to him now about how you have to move and he either gets on board or you’ll jump ship and leave him to it. What a selfish fucker.

As a fellow light sleeper - you absolutely need to be out of that house before the baby comes. With him or without him.

Cos *he knew.
Sorry typos!

I know. I will be left doing 99% of nights. I will be the one who can’t wear ear plugs because of newborn and can’t sleep for the noise! Whilst he’s passed out snoring!

I’d be gone too. For the sake of your health, and the baby’s. Maybe that’ll shock him into behaving like a gentleman.

Don’t give him the silent treatment.

It is however perfectly reasonable to go to your parents for some rest - impress on him this is why you’re doing. He might actually hear you.

Is your current house actually on the market?

We are about to put ours on the market (next week) and things sell within a week or two here.

I’m just fed up and annoyed. I’ve had the same conversation with him multiple times and it doesn’t change anything x

The thing is though - he owns this house so I can’t do anything x

Giving your OH the silent treatment is never the answer and you probably know that, but going to stay with your parents sounds perfectly sensible to me. Your OH needs to listen and take your needs seriously, not push his own wants the entire time. You know he will never fix up a fixer-upper, so stand firm on this.

Don't give him the silent treatment - my dh does that to me and it is soul destroying, no one should be made to feel this crap.

Wake him up every single time they wake you up. Let him experience what's it's like. Every night.

He's prioritising himself over you and his unborn child. I can't see this changing.

AS frustrating as the situation sounds I would wait till after you’ve had the baby as you may find that what you’re looking for changes. A bedroom downstairs doesn’t sound practical if it’s a 2/3 bed house, possibly ok if it’s a four bed and you won’t need it to be more than a guest bed for a while. It sounds like you’re rushing into a new house because of the noise situation which means you’re more likely to miss potential flaws in the houses you’re viewing. Also you may look at the houses differently after you've had the baby in terms of their practicality.

Yep. 2 nights waking him up every single time then head off to your mum’s. this won’t work for you so it won’t work for the baby either.

Seriously, I'd move back to your Mum's, you need your sleep, especially now.

Can you afford to buy or rent somewhere yourself? I'd consider doing this and moving to a smaller house without him.