To give DH silent treatment?

[DisneyMadeMeDoIt]

DH bought our house before we met. It’s a terraced with students next door but he’s a ‘heavy sleeper’!

Im not - have slept with ear plugs in for almost two years.

I’m now 16 weeks pregnant (fully planned- DH agreed we would move) and had an awful pregnancy- HG, depression + every symptom going (despite being perfectly fit/healthy before).

A group of loud teen girls have moved in next door talking, laughing, cooking, hair dryers, music, constantly setting off fire alarms cooking...etc. It’s grinding me down, I’m frequently woken up.

DH sleeps through it all whilst I suffer and I’m starting to really hate him and this house!

He is SO picky and unrealistic for our budget in our area (but he’s not willing to relocate) the few he does like are awfully old fashioned and need SO much work doing - which we will never do! (He works 60+ hours a week and has never finished a DIY job he started.)

I arranged 3 viewings this weekend, first two weren’t right but the third (today) was PERFECT!

• Price
• Location
• Size
• No work needed

Beautiful beautiful family home, ticked every box we had and I fell in love with it. DH was quiet as soon as we left, avoided asking what I thought. Then made a shitty comment about one of the bedrooms being down stairs (HE KNEW THIS BEFORE WE WENT) I’d shown him the floor plan and he pointed it out but didn’t have an issue!

It’s new to the market and it will go fast (high demand area) with very few family homes becoming available/ but I feel like he’s just dragging his feet and being an arse because our current house is right next to his work and it’s easier for him.

He’s mentioned ‘moving after baby’ a few times but I’m due in April- so we’ll have a new born during all the ‘end of term’ madness and student parties!

I feel so trapped, like I have no other choice than to just put up with everything and now I’m pregnant I have no control over anything - not even my body! On reflection I should have insisted on moving before getting pregnant.

I’m so angry at him I’m not speaking to him- which I know in part is down to my illness/hormones...he just sent me a link to another gaudy old house in need of tons of work and I’m like 😡 NO YOU KNOW WE WILL HAVE A NEW BORN AND NO TIME TO DO DIY!!

Trying to have calm conversations with him about is getting me nowhere and I’m honestly just at my wits end! Feel like packing up and moving back to my parents!

Go to your Parents, plan on being there when your Baby arrives. Do it before the other house sells.

Make a bullet point chart reasoning why his suggestions aren't practical. Stick with housrs that don't need work in your price range, even the ones under offer and send them to him.

After six months your Baby/toddler might be a light sleeper and it won't be fair to still be there.

Move back to your mums. Tell him you're happy to live with him when there's suitable accommodation

He is being selfish and very unrealistic. He works 60 hours a week and never finishes a DIY job ? That in itself is big enough reason not to buy the house he is keen on , never mind the stress of a newborn too .

I wouldn't give him the silent treatment - I really hate that sort of thing - but I would pack a bag and say that you've told him a hundred times that you don't want to live there and he's doing nothing about it, so you're going back to your parents' house until a new house is sorted. Then get going and give him time to dwell on the error of his ways

He cares more about himself than your wellbeing ... and you're carrying his baby.

Think on that. Now add in exhaustion after you give birth and you're feeding a baby round the clock while he snores and you can't get any sleep at all.

I'd start packing. Go stay at your parents'. Think about your future with such a selfish man.

I would pack all your belongings and those of your baby and move back to your Mums! I would tell your dh that you will reconsider your relationship when he shows consideration to the needs of you and your baby! Tell him not to bother contacting you until he was seriously making an effort to find a family home that is suitable for you and your baby!

But also when baby comes and won’t sleep and screams all night move back in so the students can get a taste of their own medicine.

Yes plus it might even wake him up too!!!!

Do not give him the silent treatment. It is a form of abuse and no good will come of it.

He doesn't want to move and never did, basically. He said he would to shut you up

I'm glad you are going to bring this issue to a head, Disney, that will make your husband get himself in gear and look more favourably on new houses.

My husband was a bit like that with our first house, I hated it and we lived there for a few years, had baby during that time. He came round eventually because he could see how unhappy I was but he really didn't like the whole thing of moving. When we did move, he was fine!

I can say from experience OP that doing up a house in the evenings into the night when you’re up anyway with a newborn was easier than having a toddler under your feet.

Absolutely take all your stuff and move back to your parents’.

Whereever you move you are not guaranteed quiet neighbours. You have said they are not up all night partying it is just general noise but loud. You can get that anywhere. New builds do not tend to have thick walls so noise will not be muffled as such. Children are also noisy. You could find yourself with neighbours complaining about crying baby, toddler running around, and wait til they are old enough for a trampoline.

Sit down with him and explain this exactly as you have here. You don't need to mince words. Tell him you need this to be an urgent priority because of all the things you're struggling with, and he's either on board and taking you and the expectations of a house seriously, or he's by himself in a house that isn't a home to you. He needs to wake up and care about you and the baby and what you need, of which sleep is very important.

Partners who give posters the silent treatment get called many names. Don't do it.

You are both as entitled to want different things. It's a pity you didn't discuss where you'd want to live before going for a baby but you are where you are.

You need to look together. Sit down and both draw a list of must and no way and he honest. Buying a house is a big investment so it is right not to rush it just to get out of where you currently are.

Go away for a while if it's too much but remember you have a full life to build with your oh and child to come, you both need to listen to each other.

I really would pack and go to parents. Tell him when he's found a suitable home then you'll come back.

You need to sleep, especially now.

Go buy your own house OP. He sounds like a prick.

Don’t give him silent treatment but do go to your mums and get some uninterrupted rest

Sell his house and move into rented in your preferred area, then buy one next spring

Maybe he likes it being his house and doesn't want one you have a share in

Tell him you want this house or you will assume he's lied to you about moving. Then go to your parents for a bit.

Work out your line, if you have one.

YABU to give someone the silent treatment.

YANBU to stay at your parents' place for a while to get some rest.

Could you afford the house you like on your own, OP? Maybe with a lodger?

Why Glace ?

Because it might be his attachment to the house is stopping him selling.

He's agreed to move, so the unsuitable house needs to be sold. Once he's in rented accommodation he might be more prepared to look at new houses properly.

But OP needs to be clear she won't stay in the current house, as it's not suitable. Renting is better.

If you are married it's half yours anyway...

Sleep deprivation does terrible things, who knows how your pregnancy would have progressed with better sleep.

Move back to your parents now he needs to understand this is serious. Slightly confused why you don't think you have a say in your partnership.