To give DH silent treatment?

[DisneyMadeMeDoIt]

DH bought our house before we met. It’s a terraced with students next door but he’s a ‘heavy sleeper’!

Im not - have slept with ear plugs in for almost two years.

I’m now 16 weeks pregnant (fully planned- DH agreed we would move) and had an awful pregnancy- HG, depression + every symptom going (despite being perfectly fit/healthy before).

A group of loud teen girls have moved in next door talking, laughing, cooking, hair dryers, music, constantly setting off fire alarms cooking...etc. It’s grinding me down, I’m frequently woken up.

DH sleeps through it all whilst I suffer and I’m starting to really hate him and this house!

He is SO picky and unrealistic for our budget in our area (but he’s not willing to relocate) the few he does like are awfully old fashioned and need SO much work doing - which we will never do! (He works 60+ hours a week and has never finished a DIY job he started.)

I arranged 3 viewings this weekend, first two weren’t right but the third (today) was PERFECT!

• Price
• Location
• Size
• No work needed

Beautiful beautiful family home, ticked every box we had and I fell in love with it. DH was quiet as soon as we left, avoided asking what I thought. Then made a shitty comment about one of the bedrooms being down stairs (HE KNEW THIS BEFORE WE WENT) I’d shown him the floor plan and he pointed it out but didn’t have an issue!

It’s new to the market and it will go fast (high demand area) with very few family homes becoming available/ but I feel like he’s just dragging his feet and being an arse because our current house is right next to his work and it’s easier for him.

He’s mentioned ‘moving after baby’ a few times but I’m due in April- so we’ll have a new born during all the ‘end of term’ madness and student parties!

I feel so trapped, like I have no other choice than to just put up with everything and now I’m pregnant I have no control over anything - not even my body! On reflection I should have insisted on moving before getting pregnant.

I’m so angry at him I’m not speaking to him- which I know in part is down to my illness/hormones...he just sent me a link to another gaudy old house in need of tons of work and I’m like 😡 NO YOU KNOW WE WILL HAVE A NEW BORN AND NO TIME TO DO DIY!!

Trying to have calm conversations with him about is getting me nowhere and I’m honestly just at my wits end! Feel like packing up and moving back to my parents!

A new build????
Honestly I don't predict this going well for you.
Please stop looking for positive signs, you need to be prepared and keep the pressure on as this man is not going to move willingly or easily.

Get that work done and get it on the market Asap. And expect him to refuse offers for spurious reasons. (E.g first offer was insultingly low so they arent serious buyers, its not high enough (to a perfectly reasonable offer), being weird about viewing times, rejecting an offer because they don't seem serious etc.

Pregnant or no, you will need to drive this.

Keep in mind the objective and the target buyer. It just has to be "good enough" to sell rather than perfect - and the buyer will likely be a student landlord or ftb.

Declutter the hell out of it and look for cheap/quick wins.
As examples, instead of replacing all the bashed/ marked laminate in my large hallway (£££ and lots of time to find flooring and a fitter) I went to Aldi and got a rug (£15 and done in a hour).
With a large mark in a wall (2 day job to fill, sand, fill, sand, repaint wall) i popped a small nail above it and got a lightweight picture frame from Ikea (£10 and an hour).
End result was the same.

Keep posting for support /advice as while I hope i am wrong I think you will need it

Wake him every single time you get woken. Then he can get an inkling on what you’re putting up with.

Seriously I think for your sanity you need to live elsewhere, it will help focus his mind to how urgent moving is.

I am a poor sleeper and it can make you unwell very quickly and his lack of understanding is just not on. DH went away and slept in a dorm, he is a deep sleeper- the snoring was horrific and he hardly slept- you can imagine my response 🤬🤬🤬🤬. He now sleeps in the spare room so I sleep better! I found putting the duvet over his head woke him quite quickly

@Sushiroller

I’m doing this! Short cuts and hacks to make everything look pretty but the missing wall paper in one full room and the fallen down brick work outside isn’t easy to hide. Luckily they should both be resolved soonish!

I know I need to drive this but given the house is currently only in DH name there’s a fair bit (contracts and paperwork wise) that only he can do. I’ve spoken to estate agent again this morning as they’ve sent DH contracts but he’s at work today and will no doubt not get around to it!

On plus side decorator is now here and cracking on with the bathroom 👍🏻

@Lanurk
DH spends his days operating on people so morally I feel uncomfortable causing him to be sleep deprived as don’t want to put innocent people at risk. Obvs there will be times (post baby) where he is sleep deprived but doing it for the sake of it/ just to prove a point feels wrong.

🎉🎉🎉 that's good news.

Read up on the sales process and start researching solicitors and get your DIP sorted (London and country are great...and you can do it all on the phone with them) that will save you time later down the line.

Personally, I would be waiting with a pen and the papers ready on the dining table and only give him his dinner post-signature but I'm pushy like that

He could let the agent know you can act on his behalf if he wants to speed things up.

As an interim could you soundproof your bedroom, so you have one room you can relax and escape the noise in? My DS friend soundproofed a room he uses as a studio so neighbours don't hear him playing his music. Not an ideal solution but it may help in the meantime.

Mine refused to move as well.
I went looking every weekend for 6 months.
I told him he could stay in the current house, but I was moving. It took me 6 months to find a place, by then he was used to the idea.
I only showed him houses I thought suitable.
We soon moved to the house I found.
Now he refuses to consider moving.

Generalising slightly but most doctors are renowned for being extremely self centred. They’d never be able to have their career without their wife, husband m, partner shouldering most of the load. You have the final say surely.

He's doing it on purpose. Find somewhere lovely for you and your baby.

Don’t do the silent treatment - that’s immature and controlling. Move back to your mothers and tell him why. Then move back to your mothers and let him decide what he wants to do. Or go and buy your own house and live in it.