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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I already know I'm being unreasonable but I still want to do it

182 replies

Frizzabeth · 12/10/2019 12:48

Me and H have a long weekend planned with friends. It's been planned for some time so that we can have a bit of fun in what has been a horrible few years.

We've had 7 pregnancy losses so far. All at varying stages, some more traumatic than others. The last was bloody awful involved a hospital stay where I was quite ill and sent me spiralling into a horrid state of mind for which I'm now taking anti depressants.

The weekend ahead has quite a few actives that wouldn't be suitable for a pregnant person.

The thing is, I KNOW I'm pregnant. I've not taken a test. But I just know. After this many times I can tell, sore breasts, late period, constipation, tugs and pulls down below etc... I'm very good at listening to my body now after everything we've been through.

But I'm so fucking sick of missing out on things because of a pregnancy that never lasts anyway. I'm sick of missing happy occasions, drinks with friends, activities etc.. which end up being for no reason. I feel resentful but it's no one's fault but my own.

I still want to go on this weekend away even though I know I shouldn't. I don't want to tell H or take a test because then I wouldn't be able to.

It's so incredibly selfish but I'm so fucking mad at this whole situation that I can't bring myself to change plans when I just know it will all likely be for nothing in a few weeks time.

I keep telling myself it's fine because lots of people wouldn't even know at this stage and would carry on doing whatever they were doing but I do know. I know and I still want to anyway. I feel horrible for it.

OP posts:
Hopoindown31 · 12/10/2019 12:49

It is very early days, it is your body and your choice.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 12/10/2019 12:51

Well you don’t know your pregnant for sure.

However if you do these activities and then miscarriage, the guilt might creep in....

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 12/10/2019 12:51

Oh! You poor thing. I completely understand why you’re tempted to go.

When is the weekend? How far along would you be then? Could you get a GP or midwife appointment before then and ask their advice as to which bits you can do and which you probably ought to avoid? And then not tell anyone else?

That’s probably awful advice. I really don’t know.

Passthecherrycoke · 12/10/2019 12:53

I would do it. What are you doing that could be dangerous when you’re a couple of weeks pregnant? Drinking is ok. Horse riding, climbing etc Ok. I can’t really think of anything else?

DO IT! Enjoy yourself and next week you can get your bfp and start the worrying xxFlowers

Sharpandshineyteeth · 12/10/2019 12:54

I was pregnant on my 30th birthday weekend away which is as you describe. I started bleeding and thought I was miscarrying, rather than tell anyone or do anything about it, I decided to drink to forget. Turns out I wasn’t miscarrying and DD was fine.

Your body, your choice

Original poster
Frizzabeth · 12/10/2019 12:54

I obviously don't know for sure but honestly I'd bet my life that I am. That's why I won't take a test because I know exactly what it will say and it means I'll have to tell H and cancel (at least large parts of it).

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/10/2019 12:55

In your shoes, I'd go. Enjoy the weekend. You've done careful. You've done missing out. It's got you nowhere.

If you really think you will enjoy the weekend, then go.

I went to Alton Towers on a pre planned trip away the day after my bfp. I had the odd drink and went into rides. It didn't affect the pregnancy, and as I was about 5 days after implantation the bean was so incredibly small that nothing I did at that stage would have made any effect

MorrisZapp · 12/10/2019 12:56

Just go. Nobody avoids stuff in very early pregnancy because so few people actually know they're pg anyway.

If there's anything you feel you genuinely can't do, just say you're a bit off colour or would rather go off and do something else or whatever.

I remember explaining to the doc about the copious amounts of alcohol, sleeping pills, nurofen etc I'd had before I realised I was pregnant. He looked completely blank. When I said aren't these things risky he waved a hand and basically said oh god no.

Ihatefootball86 · 12/10/2019 12:56

Sounds tough. What are the activities?

Original poster
Frizzabeth · 12/10/2019 12:57

You've done careful. You've done missing out. It's got you nowhere

This is exactly how I feel. I've tried the perfect way and it makes no difference. If I miss out again and it turns out to be for nothing (which it probably will) I'll be so fucking mad.

OP posts:
Oneborneverydecade · 12/10/2019 12:57

My first instinct was no I wouldn't because I wouldn't want to feel guilty if something went wrong. But then I realised I'm being a hypocrite because I did things that aren't recommended in pregnancy (soft cheese being one example).

I'm really torn, sorry

I'm sorry for your loses

Original poster
Frizzabeth · 12/10/2019 12:57

Ihate, amusement parks for one but I'm not too concerned about those. The main thing is there will likely be drinking.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 12/10/2019 13:02

Placenta won’t be attached for weeks

Bellringer · 12/10/2019 13:05

Have a drink. You don't have to get completely pissed every day.
Isn't it sustained drinking that bad? Sorry for your trouble, they should be looking at why. Maybe have a break from ttc for a bit

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/10/2019 13:06

Do you drink cocktails? If so, become the waitress. Make yours mostly fruit juice. If it's beers - opt for shandies as you want to "pace yourself"

Original poster
Frizzabeth · 12/10/2019 13:06

I guess part of it is that I feel like I'm lying to DH almost by keeping it to myself. Because I know if I told him he'd be concerned about drinking etc...

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/10/2019 13:06

Well at the moment you aren't lying. You may suspect a pregnancy but you aren't certain.

Original poster
Frizzabeth · 12/10/2019 13:07

And frankly I don't want to be judged either if I do tell him and then decide to have drinks anyway. Not that he's judgemental or anything but it's not the best thing to do is it.

OP posts:
IsoscelesSandwich · 12/10/2019 13:08

In very early days getting a bit pissed is unlikely to make any difference. Be kind to yourself, have some fun x

Original poster
Frizzabeth · 12/10/2019 13:08

Not lying then I suppose. But perhaps deceitful? I don't know.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 12/10/2019 13:08

I didn’t tell my husband - I knew I was pregnant 3 days before my period was due- as we were going on holiday. Had my traditional champagne at the airport and a couple of beers on the beach then took my pregnancy test the day period was due.

I don’t feel guilty, I had to go 9 months without booze and I knew it wouldn’t harm baby.

Zebraaa · 12/10/2019 13:09

Go for it. As many people have said, most people don’t even know they’re pregnant and drink, etc.

Original poster
Frizzabeth · 12/10/2019 13:09

In very early days getting a bit pissed is unlikely to make any difference

Yes, I think it's more that I know people say you shouldn't and you'd likely be judged pretty heavily if anyone knew you knowingly got drunk when pregnant. Otherwise I wouldn't mind telling H and friends. But I won't because I know I shouldn't but want to anyway without judgment.

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 12/10/2019 13:10

I wouldn't.

SweepTheHalls · 12/10/2019 13:10

Go, enjoy, what you do at this stage won't affect the outcome, but you still need your sanity Flowers

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