I already know I'm being unreasonable but I still want to do it

[Frizzabeth]

Me and H have a long weekend planned with friends. It's been planned for some time so that we can have a bit of fun in what has been a horrible few years.

We've had 7 pregnancy losses so far. All at varying stages, some more traumatic than others. The last was bloody awful involved a hospital stay where I was quite ill and sent me spiralling into a horrid state of mind for which I'm now taking anti depressants.

The weekend ahead has quite a few actives that wouldn't be suitable for a pregnant person.

The thing is, I KNOW I'm pregnant. I've not taken a test. But I just know. After this many times I can tell, sore breasts, late period, constipation, tugs and pulls down below etc... I'm very good at listening to my body now after everything we've been through.

But I'm so fucking sick of missing out on things because of a pregnancy that never lasts anyway. I'm sick of missing happy occasions, drinks with friends, activities etc.. which end up being for no reason. I feel resentful but it's no one's fault but my own.

I still want to go on this weekend away even though I know I shouldn't. I don't want to tell H or take a test because then I wouldn't be able to.

It's so incredibly selfish but I'm so fucking mad at this whole situation that I can't bring myself to change plans when I just know it will all likely be for nothing in a few weeks time.

I keep telling myself it's fine because lots of people wouldn't even know at this stage and would carry on doing whatever they were doing but I do know. I know and I still want to anyway. I feel horrible for it.

Antenatal teacher here.

Drinking, adrenaline-fuelled rides and general hedonism won't make a jot of difference at this stage.

The losses weren't your fault... Have a super weekend

I mean the NHS tests came out "normal". The private ones came out low. I think the NHS tests are unreliable.

The day before I took a test I had half a bottle if wine with a load of rare meat....oh it was good! Baby was just fine. I wouldn't go getting hammered thiugh.

Are there any other activities you're worried about it just drinking? Are your anti depressants ok with alcohol and also ok with pregnancy? If be more worried about that than a drink tbh.

Stress is worst thing for a pregnancy, so go have some fun and relax

I had 4 mcs. Op I totally get it. I would be inclined to go on your weekend away and do the activities and have a drink or two, but not loads. One of the things I used to think about when I was in early pregnancy was a high profile case where a woman was attacked. She sustained horrible injuries. Months later, the press revealed that the woman had been in the early stages of pregnancy at the time of the attack but the pregnancy had gone to term and the baby was born absolutely fine. It made me think that most baby loss is about chromosomal abnormalities, not something the mother did or did not do or experience. If the baby is healthy and developing, it's going to stick around even if the circumstances aren't perfect. If there are chromosomal problems, the pregnancy won't last and there is nothing you can do to change this.

Wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.

I wrote a long post, but in the end - for me - it comes down to ‘your body, your choice’. 💐

It doesn’t matter what anyone else would do, or think.

I don’t know what I’d do and my current inability to make a decision (about anything!!) would mean I’d keep going from one to the other until I was actually on the weekend away, then I’d take it one drink, one activity at a time

And actually, having written that - maybe it is what you should do. Just go ‘open minded’ Take pregnancy testing stuff and alcohol and take each drink/activity as it comes. You can test when you’re there IF you want tomir you can leave them in your bag & just enjoy yourself.

Very little you do will have an impact on these very early days x presuming thevweejend away is soon, not Easter if ciurse!

Sorry about fat finger & phone typos!!

Tiajon, read the thread and shut up
Good luck op, don't fall over and hurt yourself

Are you really ready to be a parent if you aren't willing to make sacrifices even a couple of days after a missed period? You have a whole life of sacrifice ahead.

Christ this is harsh @tiajon. Having lost seven pregnancies don’t you think the OP has already sacrificed an awful lot and probably knows better than you how ready she is for a child....?

Why don't you go and enjoy the activities you feel like doing, but use the tablets you are on as an excuse re the drinking?

She’s not an idiot but you are uneducated and unkind loveablers

Hi I have had 9 miscarriages and 2 babies.

In the majority of pregnancies the point of conception is what determines if that pregancy will miscarry or continue. Any genetic discrepencies or missing chromosomes are already preprogrammed and the baby develops until the missing jigsaw piece means it cant go any further.

The vast majority of the guidelines for a healthy pregnancy cannot prevent a miscarriage. They are there to help a healthy baby be as healthy as possible. They cant fix issues that are already there.

Enjoy your weekend, if you are pregnant and miscarry it will not be because of anything you've done. Personally I would avoid things like saunas.

I am so sorry for all your losses. Have you had a karyotype test for translocations?

You dont know anything for certain so you arent lying, just saving your husband from having the same anxieties for the weekend.

Three losses here. I get it.

No judgement at all from me, but have you had any counselling? I had it for about a year (from my fertility clinic) and it pretty much saved my life.

Go and enjoy yourself. It won’t make a difference to any outcome and you deserve it.

A bit different I guess because I didn’t know for sure, but two days before my BFP with DD1 I had very sore boobs and the weird pulling you describe. Took a test which was negative. This was after a long road to getting pregnant and I was sick of it- not the same as you I know, but I appreciate that feeling of “fuck it”. I was meant to be going to dinner with friends and even though I definitely knew something was different this time I thought “what will be will be” are a rare steak, drank the best part of two bottles of red wine and had a tremendous time. DD was absolutely fine and when I did get that BFP a couple of days later I had a moment of guilt but put it out of my mind.

Unless your planned activities are shooting up heroin or eating five kilograms of raw liver, I would go ahead, have fun and think about it all on Monday.

having had miscarriages I completely get what you are saying but I think I reached a point of rightly or wrongly convincing myself that a healthy pregnancy would not be fragile at that stage and if I lost the baby it was because it was an unhealthy foetus. That is assuming you have had all the normal investigation s to check there is not another reason for your losses. I would go on the weekend and enjoy yourself but don't over do it so you can have fun but not put a possible pregnancy at risk. x

Go on the weekend, relax and enjoy yourself. A midwife posted here that alcohol drunk by the mother doesn't reach a foetus until a certain stage though I can't remember how and why. I imagine a hell of a lot of people drink in the first few weeks because they don't know. It's sustained drinking throughout a pregnancy that is problematic. I think that being relaxed and happy will be better for you and your body right now than staying at home feeling anxious or upset.

Second everything @PanannyPanoo just said. Nothing that you do or do not do will affect the outcome. "The die is cast" as the saying goes.

I'm sorry for your losses. I've been there too and also came to the conclusion that i can't put my life on hold for a tiny poppy seed.

I would just go and have less drinks or some mocktails , I wouldn't put your entire life on hold , you need to make some happy memories too . I doubt that any activity at this stage would be the reason you lost the pregnancy , there must be other factors . Have you been offered any tests ?

Don't knowingly drink when pregnant? What if you have the baby and there's anything at all wrong with her? You'll feel stupid and guilty forever. Take the test. Don't do it, OP.

@tiajon I'm just going to wildly assume that you've never seen your sense of self slip over a long battle to conceive, or lost a much-wanted pregnancy, never mind seven?

Ignore this terrible advice, OP. Go, and do whatever you feel comfortable with once you're there.

Go and relax and enjoy yourself, you never know it may help. I would keep it to myself but maybe stick to the one glass of wine and if there's anything like spa treatments just tell the professionals ( who won't broadcast it).

I had been having months upon months of digestive issues and had a colonoscopy booked. I found out the day before this I was pregnant. I needed answers so went ahead with the colonoscopy. bean was absolutely fine and I do feel guilty at taking such a risk but like you couldn't put my life on hold in case pregnancy was a loss anyway

Just go and enjoy yourself op. Stop overthinking and making yourself feel guilty about it. Presumably you’ve been careful with your other pregnancies and it was for nothing. You need to protect your mental health, as well as physical. You need this break. As for people judging you it’s none of their business

But if you found out you were pregnant for sure next week and God forbid, lost the pregnancy. Would you not always wonder whether it was a heavy weekend that caused it?

For what it's worth, if just one weekend caused a MC then in my opinion it wasn't a viable pregnancy anyway. But would you constantly question yourself or feel bad?

If so, this could make the future more painful.

I've had a late miscarriage as well it's fucking horrific. Sorry you've endured it 7 times.

I say go away and chill have fun but don't get paraletic.