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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH stag do

197 replies

bananallamas · 10/10/2019 18:23

DH is going on a stag do from Friday-Sunday. I work part-time, he works FT shifts. I'm working tomorrow (as usual) and it's one of his days with DD who is 9 months and also happens to currently be teething and have a cold.

I will be looking after her myself the whole time from when he leaves tomorrow until he is back at 3ish on Sunday (hungover no doubt).

He announced he would be going on this stag do a few months ago. I thought it would be nice if he'd asked if I was ok to have her the whole weekend myself but I didn't make a big thing of it. However now he has asked me if I will finish work early tomorrow so he can leave. I could theoretically do this but it will mean I have to finish my emails etc once DD is in bed. He didn't even ask me that nicely. More just "can you be home by 4 tomorrow so I can beat the traffic".

AIBU to not rush home to enable him to spend even longer away on a jolly? Or am I being mean? And yes before anyone asks I am very jealous that he can go away for a weekend and I can't (DD still breastfeeds)

OP posts:
onanothertrain · 10/10/2019 18:34

Going by what you've put in your OP I think you are being mean.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 10/10/2019 18:35

If he doesn't do this often I think you're being a bit petty.

isabellerossignol · 10/10/2019 18:36

If its a one off I think it's not unreasonable of him. But if you're going to say that he goes out every weekend with his friends and plays football on a Sunday morning and works late every evening then I'd have a different view...

InDubiousBattle · 10/10/2019 18:36

You're being mean.

Zebraaa · 10/10/2019 18:37

Such a chore to have your child for the whole weekend!

FizzyIce · 10/10/2019 18:37

It does sound mean .
You shouldn’t have to ask a parent if they “mind” looking after their own child .
Let him go , it’s one weekend

Original poster
bananallamas · 10/10/2019 18:39

I meant that he didn't ask me if I had any plans that weekend or anything he just kind of assumed I'd be free. It's not that I "mind" having her for the whole weekend but because we both work we usually split the parenting pretty much 50:50. So him being away all weekend will mean I have to do more than usual. If I was thinking of going away for the whole weekend I would check with him first if he minded.

OP posts:
SimonJT · 10/10/2019 18:40

You are coming across as a bit mean, unless you have a disability etc that makes caring for your little one challening then I don’t see why he should ask if you are willing to parent your own child for the weekend.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 10/10/2019 18:40

It depends, OP, do you get time away from home? Are you able to have some quality time to yourself?

If it’s rare for him to go go out, then it would be nice of you to come home early, if he was able to do some things, like tidy the house, so you don’t have to. If it’s a regular occurrence and you never get a break, then fuck that.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 10/10/2019 18:41

But he told you months ago about this stag- so surely you wouldn't have arranged anything given that he won't be there?

I don't think it's a big ask to parent your child on your own for one weekend with a few months notice.

WorraLiberty · 10/10/2019 18:42

Yes I think you're being mean.

I was just thinking you sound jealous and then read at the end of your opening post, that you actually are.

Original poster
bananallamas · 10/10/2019 18:42

@MrsG no I don't really get much time to myself, I haven't had an evening out since she was born because I BF her before bed and during the night. So maybe I'm just feeling jealous that he has more freedom than me.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/10/2019 18:44

If I was thinking of going away for the whole weekend I would check with him first if he minded.

And what if he said he did mind? Would you just not go?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/10/2019 18:46

Ahh the difference between mothers and fathers-
all mums I know check if their DH has plans before they make plans- dads never do!!!! Fact of life

Dljlr · 10/10/2019 18:47

I am so so ill at the moment but as a single mum I am getting on with parenting alone, as I do every single day of my life. Get a grip. It's one weekend.

Kellogscocopops · 10/10/2019 18:47

Are you her stepmother?
Not your own daughter?

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/10/2019 18:47

You're saving up.

I did all the night wakings for 14 months because of BFing. I haven't done almost any since. DH does almost al of them now.

Just as long as he isn't a dick who expects to carry on with your life changing and his not for the next 18 years, be nice now.

And plan something nice for when you aren't BFing any more. The planning is a lot of the fun and looking forward makes you happy and hopeful.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 10/10/2019 18:48

Does she take a bottle when he’s looking after her? If so, then I think you need to carve a bit of time out for yourself. You’re working and being with the baby when you’re not at work. It does sound like you’re on a bit of a treadmill. Think about what you’d like to do, go out with a fiend for a meal, night in a hotel, etc and mention it to your husband. He can look after baby while you’re getting a break.

SignedUpJust4This · 10/10/2019 18:48

I can see your point. Its just the assumption that you will look after the child. Because youre a woman of course. You would never do the same to him without at least checking. If its a one off let it go but make sure you get your own childfree weekend jolly.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/10/2019 18:49

You've had months of notice so presumably if there was something already scheduled into your calendar you could have told him when he brought it up ages ago?

I think you are being mean.

Additionally, whilst you may feel you can't go away yourself yet (and let's face it, it's only you putting that onto yourself, not him), you will in the future and wouldn't you want him to support you getting away on a fun weekend by himself finishing a little early?

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/10/2019 18:49

Oh and can everyone stop pretending it's a sheer and utter joy to look after a teething, sick 9 month old. It's a pain in the arse. And easier when shared. Yes we love them but that doesn't mean it's not tiring.

And asking about the other parent's plans is polite. We don't ask 'permission' in my house but of course we check because otherwise we could both be out leaving D.D. to her own devices!

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 10/10/2019 18:50

Are you her stepmother?
Not your own daughter?

Stepmothers don’t tend to breastfeed their stepchildren. I think that would be overstepping the line, just a teeny weeny but. 😁

ColaFreezePop · 10/10/2019 18:51

You are being mean.

However you should bring it up when he comes back that you are going away with friends and/or female relations for a long weekend when DD stops breast feeding so he needs to be prepared to look after her.

LadyGAgain · 10/10/2019 18:52

Mean.

PennyNotSoWise · 10/10/2019 18:53

I think you're being a bit mean.

I thought it would be nice if he'd asked if I was ok to have her the whole weekend myself

Is there any reason he should think you wouldn't be ok? You said 'the whole time' twice, but it's just a weekend?

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