Is it ever okay to ask for money?

[BlunderingIdiot]

Looking to buy first house but as DH is self employed is proving difficult.

He doesn't have a full 2 years accounts yet (April next year) but our broker told us that wouldn't be a problem if we could get an accountant to confirm we were set to make same/more than last year which we did.

It's now transpired that the lender who would accept the above won't do so without a 10% deposit, we only have just over 5 which we were also told would be okay.

As we'd received a decision in principle from the broker we'd already put an offer in on a house that we absolutely love and to be honest I'm absolutely gutted now that we can't proceed.

I have some relatives who I am close to that are quite well off. Is it unreasonable to ask to borrow the remainder of the 10% deposit so we can go ahead? Really we could just wait until April and wouldn't have to borrow anything at all and could likely have saved enough for a 10% by then as well.

I think they would say yes to be honest but it's my own conscience stopping me. I feel awful asking for handouts when really it's only because I really want something rather than need it.

I have anxiety which I'm on medication for so I tend to over think things a lot which means I can't often tell if I'm right or wrong in my caution.

AIBU?

I'm not boasting about living in an expensive rental area literally all I've said is its expensive to rent round here. It's not because it's anywhere fancy, don't worry. It's just because it's rural and there aren't a huge number of houses available.

PS: I have an anxiety disorder, I therefore know what it's like to mentally dissect to death and then still keep going over and over it again and again, it's horrible and I hope you're finding coping mechanisms easier to come by as each new day dawns

Thank you

OP, take it easy - you are clearly sensible, kind and clever. Unlike, unfortunately, a lot of your new correspondents.

You'll make the right decision, whatever you choose. And the planet will still turn, promise.

Biwurlu Wed 09-Oct-19 14:13:14
Do I have to spell it out for you op?

I think we would all rather you didn't. You have made your self very clear.

D FO now, there's a dear. You are not adding anything to the conversation, you are just being aggressive.

For what it's worth, the amount you are looking to borrow is probably roughly the same as the rent you will waste from now until April - i.e. the difference between mortgage payments and rent, that is. SO if your GPs will lend you the money, they will be getting it back v soon (whether they want it repaid or not is an entirely separate matter), and you will have the house which you will then spend many many happy years in! I would absolutely ask them, they are close enough to you to say no with no hard feelings, and if you don't ask you'll never know, will you? As another poster wrote, they might feel worse not knowing you lost the house for the sake of what, by comparison to the purchase price as a whole, is a very small sum. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

For what it's worth I think what you propose is perfectly acceptable, OP.

There are a lot of very unkind posts on this thread. Some are pretty spiteful.

I don't know why some people are so violently opposed to families helping each other out with loans or financial gifts. As I posted before it's normal in my family. It's also true of other families I know. I don't see what's so shameful in asking for help.

I wonder if it's a class thing. Middle class families appreciate how important it is to get on the property ladder so the older generation - who already have their own property and now have the spare cash - are keen to help the younger ones make that important first step.

MN is often pretty spiteful, Oh, here we go, older generation holding on to all the money, with their expensive houses. We lived in a couple of rooms,no bathroom when we got married, no car,washing machine,tumble dryer. We bought a caravan, lived in that till our DD was 5, her bedroom was 4ft by 6f, we actually needed more space we lived in Surrey, expensive, I got my first car in my 30s. We didnt have holidays,go out for meals, I had a bicycle with a seat for my DS.The caraven was the deposit for our first house, 2 up 2down. We didnt even have central heating until the mid 2000s. So we deserve what we have worked damn hard for. My (ex) H was self emplyed so mortgage rates were higher for us. In 1982 we bought a flat, (oh, yeah really living it up) because we had more room than the houses we could afford, the mortgage rate was 12%, 18 months later it was 16%, I had 4 jobs, went from one to the other, then moved from Surrey.

nannybeach I genuinely thought you were doing a parody of that monty python ‘A card box box in the middle of the road! You were rich, we only had...’ sketch!