Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it ever okay to ask for money?

208 replies

BlunderingIdiot · 09/10/2019 08:57

Looking to buy first house but as DH is self employed is proving difficult.

He doesn't have a full 2 years accounts yet (April next year) but our broker told us that wouldn't be a problem if we could get an accountant to confirm we were set to make same/more than last year which we did.

It's now transpired that the lender who would accept the above won't do so without a 10% deposit, we only have just over 5 which we were also told would be okay.

As we'd received a decision in principle from the broker we'd already put an offer in on a house that we absolutely love and to be honest I'm absolutely gutted now that we can't proceed.

I have some relatives who I am close to that are quite well off. Is it unreasonable to ask to borrow the remainder of the 10% deposit so we can go ahead? Really we could just wait until April and wouldn't have to borrow anything at all and could likely have saved enough for a 10% by then as well.

I think they would say yes to be honest but it's my own conscience stopping me. I feel awful asking for handouts when really it's only because I really want something rather than need it.

I have anxiety which I'm on medication for so I tend to over think things a lot which means I can't often tell if I'm right or wrong in my caution.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlunderingIdiot · 09/10/2019 14:02

Also perfect house doesn't always = mansion with 20 bedrooms and a pool. It can be perfect in terms of location, budget, potential, space etc...

OP posts:
Biwurlu · 09/10/2019 14:02

No one made fun of 4.5k but you rent something in an expensive area rather than just renting something cheap to save money and want others to fund your purchase.

4.5k is a small deposit even for a cheap property, that's a fact.

BertsFriend · 09/10/2019 14:03

Bloody hell, I'd only read a few pages. Well done op, I take back my 'a bit envious' and up it to 'raging with jealousy'.

ZaphodBeeblerox · 09/10/2019 14:04

I'd ask OP. Many many people get help from family when buying their first home - it's how the market is! Nothing entitled or immoral about it!

Original poster
BlunderingIdiot · 09/10/2019 14:05

Your story doesn't make much sense

How? In what way?

You're trying to pick apart what I'm saying because you don't agree with me asking my GPs for help. That's fine, you don't have to agree but you're being incredibly offensive and just plain rude for no reason.

I said I live in an area where rent is high, I've said I have managed to save X% deposit but need a remaining boost of 4.5k to make it to 10% to buy a house we'd found which seems perfect for us (no I don't it's not a palace, you can keep your sniggers to yourself about my 'dream house').

What is it that you're struggling to grasp?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlunderingIdiot · 09/10/2019 14:06

4.5k is a small deposit even for a cheap property, that's a fact

It's not the whole deposit. It's what I'd need to borrow to get the amount I'd need. Read. The. Thread. Properly.

OP posts:
LemonPrism · 09/10/2019 14:06

So long as you absolutely will make you it back a priority then it's ok.

Original poster
BlunderingIdiot · 09/10/2019 14:07

The op has hardly saved up much, just 4.5k

You said that ^^ which was also completely incorrect because again you hadn't bothered to actually read anything properly.

OP posts:
Biwurlu · 09/10/2019 14:07

Oh op don't pull that one, no one is sniggering that your dream house isn't a mansion. Just the holes in your story

To be fair the OP is full of contradiction, proud of themselves as it's not a cheap area, but if 3.5% of the house is 4.5k then the whole house is only 128500, that must be half the national average? And they've only managed to save 7.5% - 9.5k? But could easily pay grandparents back the 4.5k soon.

Original poster
BlunderingIdiot · 09/10/2019 14:09

To be fair the OP is full of contradiction, proud of themselves as it's not a cheap area, but if 3.5% of the house is 4.5k then the whole house is only 128500, that must be half the national average? And they've only managed to save 7.5% - 9.5k? But could easily pay grandparents back the 4.5k soon

I've answered this exact post on the previous page. So please try again.

OP posts:
Biwurlu · 09/10/2019 14:09

You're proud to rent in an expensive area, desperate to buy and have a small deposit Grin

I wouldn't lend to you if I was your DM or DGM.

Celebelly · 09/10/2019 14:10

Why are people so obsessed with the price? Not everywhere has south of England prices or massive detached homes. In some places, 130k will get you a perfectly nice house 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
BlunderingIdiot · 09/10/2019 14:10

You're proud to rent in an expensive area, desperate to buy and have a small deposit grin

I said I was proud I've managed to save whilst I've been paying a lot of rent. Not that I'm proud to live in an expensive area. Are you actually thick or doing it on purpose? The latter I imagine.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlunderingIdiot · 09/10/2019 14:12

Why are people so obsessed with the price?

Because it's a means to try and offend me I imagine.

OP posts:
Biwurlu · 09/10/2019 14:13

Do I have to spell it out for you op?

Why are you proud to be paying so much to rent in an expensive area despite not being able to afford a deposit on a house Confused and want other people's hard work to pay for it so you can get it now and not wait a few more months?

FreyaMountstuart · 09/10/2019 14:15

If I was your DGM I’d lend it to you!

Biwurlu · 09/10/2019 14:15

The point about the price is it's probably an ordinary house.

No rush and op could just fund it themselves if they're so sure they could pay it back soon.

No op no one is trying to make fun of you for not being able to afford a mansion..

PleasedToMeetYouSir · 09/10/2019 14:16

I take back my 'a bit envious' and up it to 'raging with jealousy'

God, couldn't agree more... Confused

PleasedToMeetYouSir · 09/10/2019 14:17

Do I have to spell it out for you op?

Looks like OP has had to spell more things out to you tbh...

BrusselSprouts12345 · 09/10/2019 14:24

Unless they are your parents then no. Don't ask. You only have to wait 6 months and you would feel so much better about yourselves if you did it all without help anyway. Never mind the fact that you just really shouldn't ask someone just because they have money.
And don't discuss this situation about having to wait, etc. Just don't discuss your finances with them - unless it is of a positive nature, like you won the lottery! Otherwise they will see immediately that you are hinting and hoping for an offer of a loan from them. Just as bad as asking outright.
Happened to me a week ago actually and it has caused a whole load of bad feelings.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 09/10/2019 14:31

OP ignore the goaders. Our 'dream house' that we borrowed from family to buy is a three bed (well two and half anyway) mid terrace ex-council house. It's probably worth about £85K today but these properties very rarely come up for sale as it's a very popular part of town and many sales are done privately.

The likelihood of finding an ideal property is not just about price.

Rach000 · 09/10/2019 14:31

Oh god, why are people been so horrible.
I would ask my grandma in this situation. She would happily lend money. She would want us to ask if it would help. She has in the past given money to her grandchildren to help us with things such as buying houses. As she would rather help us out now while she is still around to see us benefit from it. Most people on this thread mustn't have such kind family members....
I have never asked my grandma for money but know she would help if I was struggling. My dad did help me with money when we bought our house as we had enough for a deposit and other fees but not a lot left for doing it up which it needed. And yes I do think a lot of people get help buying houses.

SilverySurfer · 09/10/2019 14:33

I'm a firm believer in adults standing on their own two feet, health permitting and there's no way I would ask for a loan. When I was saving for my deposit I had a full time job and also worked in a bar a couple of evenings a week and weekends and ran an antique stall every Saturday. With two of you, if you both got extra work and cut back on spending, I bet it wouldn't take you long to save the extra you need.

If you can, save a little bit extra - I was pretty much penniless when I moved into my flat and bills seemed to drop through the letterbox daily. The interest rate was 8% back then which rose to 15% which was extremely painful and although I'm pretty sure we won't see those levels again, the rate could well rise.

Biwurlu · 09/10/2019 14:39

Just as bad as asking outright.
Happened to me a week ago actually and it has caused a whole load of bad feelings.

Exactly, is a horrible possition to be in then you're made out to be the bad person.

This isn't op wanting food because she's starving. She's bosted about renting something expensive and then wants to go to family members for money.

I expect it wouldn't take her long to just cut back and save up the money.

WagtailRobin · 09/10/2019 14:44

There's nothing embarrassing or shameful about asking to borrow money, isn't there a whole industry thriving on that exact thing, what do you think a mortgage is if not seeking to borrow funds?

OP it's your grandparents, there's no harm in asking and they can only say no; as long as you think their refusal won't impact negatively upon the family relationship I don't see any wrong in you asking, you're asking for a loan, not a handout. Plenty of people get a helping hand to get onto the property ladder, needing help does not equate to being unable to "provide for yourself" as someone suggested above.

PS: I have an anxiety disorder, I therefore know what it's like to mentally dissect to death and then still keep going over and over it again and again, it's horrible and I hope you're finding coping mechanisms easier to come by as each new day dawns.