Is it ever okay to ask for money?

[BlunderingIdiot]

Looking to buy first house but as DH is self employed is proving difficult.

He doesn't have a full 2 years accounts yet (April next year) but our broker told us that wouldn't be a problem if we could get an accountant to confirm we were set to make same/more than last year which we did.

It's now transpired that the lender who would accept the above won't do so without a 10% deposit, we only have just over 5 which we were also told would be okay.

As we'd received a decision in principle from the broker we'd already put an offer in on a house that we absolutely love and to be honest I'm absolutely gutted now that we can't proceed.

I have some relatives who I am close to that are quite well off. Is it unreasonable to ask to borrow the remainder of the 10% deposit so we can go ahead? Really we could just wait until April and wouldn't have to borrow anything at all and could likely have saved enough for a 10% by then as well.

I think they would say yes to be honest but it's my own conscience stopping me. I feel awful asking for handouts when really it's only because I really want something rather than need it.

I have anxiety which I'm on medication for so I tend to over think things a lot which means I can't often tell if I'm right or wrong in my caution.

AIBU?

proud of themselves as it's not a cheap area

I said the area we rent in isn't cheap so I'm proud that I've managed to do both.

But could easily pay grandparents back the 4.5k soon

The mortgage we've been offered on this house is a good couple of hundred pounds less than we're paying in rent now. I also don't think I used the words 'easily pay them back soon' did I? I said we could likely have saved it by April next year.

I also think you may be underestimating the costs of home ownership OP. All in all, it would be better to have extra funds available in these uncertain times, and no extra debt even if it is to family.

OP you can't afford this, where's your legal fees? Survey money? Mortgage product fee? Removals, Miscellaneous costs

I've also answered this at least twice.

I agree about the costs of home ownership, there are annual things - boiler checks, gutter clearing, making trees safe in gardens (if applicable), basic gardening, window cleaning and of course emergency leaks, washing machine breakdowns etc that need to be given a thought. The year after we moved we had a £6000 roof bill that unexpectedly came up, the survey was fine of course!

I don't think you are entitled though, I'm sorry for people that don't have anyone to ask of course, but I'd rather the situation was the other way around, where more people had a bit of help rather than nobody was allowed any.

Goodness op, I think you have had a really hard time here. They are your grandparents. My grandparents have always helped my brother and I out with cash gifts. Not massive amounts like you need, but totalled up over the years, it probably works out the same. THEY always said they would rather we use the money when we need it than have it all piled up in their bank accounts waiting for them to die before we get it.

Mumsnet is really weird about money. Definitely don’t be asking the next door neighbour to borrow 4.5k, but your grandparents, who seem to be able to afford it. I see no issue in having a chat with them to let them know your position and seeing if they can help.

I think the rental system in this country is awful. My neighbours are paying far more per month in rent than we pay for our mortgage and their house is smaller and needs far more doing to it than ours does. They are struggling to save for a deposit because they are paying out so much each month (£200 per month more than we do). I have no idea how people manage to save for a deposit unless they have help from their families.

You can ask, but be aware that you will need to provide evidence of where the money has come from, which is likely to include that relatives bank or savings statement. Lending you the money is one thing, them having to provide financial information to so is something else.

All the best with your plans. Bigger deposit=smaller repayments. You know it makes sense.

Don't rush the biggest purchase of your life.

Thank you. Must be sure to remember in future that I can't be proud of myself for saving what some people deem a measly amount of money!

@BlunderingIdiot I am really sorry for the hard time you've had on here. You don't deserve the way some posters have spoken to you - at ALL.

Do what is best for you and your family. Good luck.

Biwirlu is being a dick op. Ignore them. Goady.

It’s a big deal losing your perfect house and a big decision! I wonder: Was there a lot of interest in the house? Had it been on the market long, lots of viewings? Did you snap it up quickly? Are the sellers in a rush as you could explain the situation and if not they may be happy to hold on (you could offer a little extra in goodwill if they are willing to wait until April)?

If this is a no go: It’s your grandparents. I’d ask, if they say yes, great, and definitely pay them back as soon as possible.

I'm right in the middle in this in terms of attitudes (and also generationally, as a person born in the mid-60s, right on cusp of boomer and Gen X). My parents are classic boomers - working / lower-middle class upbringings, first generation to benefit from the education reforms, grammar-school educated, first in the families at uni, good professional careers, retired early with huge pensions (my dad in his mid-50s). BUT things were really tight for much of my childhood, especially in the 1970s - we were constantly aware of money. I was very paranoid about not asking them for anything beyond the minimum and struggled financially at uni despite having a grant. I have never asked them for money as an adult.

BUT we are in the process of selling a lovely cottage that has been in DH's family for 60 years (very sadly, but the complications of the joint ownership and management are proving too much). DH owns the majority share because he bought out one sibling, and the plan is to gift all his proceeds directly to his children rather than wait for them to inherit. We really want them to have an easier time in terms of property, etc and are worried that any other funds we have in our main house will be eaten up with care costs so there will be little to inherit. I also don't want to create ill-feeling with my step children down the line as I am likely to live considerably longer than DH (at 15 years younger I'm the generation exactly in between him and his three older kids).

So the rambling upshot here is that I would never have asked my own family for money, but I would absolutely expect the next generation to ask us. But mostly we give DS and (when younger) his half-siblings money without them needing to ask, because we can now afford to.

In terms of your situation, OP, I think you are very sensible to be deciding against it - not because I think it is wrong to ask, or because you won't be able to afford it, but just because of the general uncertainty at the moment and the fact that your financial situation will be much clearer by April.

*I'd ask. In my family it's understood that anything well off older relatives can do to help the younger generation on their way is perfectly legit. Home ownership is a significant step up and a good thing from your family's POV. It's not like asking to borrow money for a holiday.

My DF says that his parents helped him out, so he helps his DC out and we, in turn, will do the same for our DC. It's a system that pays forward. Does that idea apply in your family?*

Our family is the same Prawn and I feel completely blessed to be a part of such a support system especially reading some of the comments on here.

Op ignore the negative comments on here. Anyone would think you were asking for someone to buy the house.
Considering you have accounted for the additional buying/moving costs, upkeep has probably also been included in your thoughts.

And paying for expensive repairs, erm insurance.
Boilers again insurance and they include the annual check.
Removals, I've moved loads of times. Never hired a company neither have my mates. A van is hired either as man and van or self-drive.
Paying for a window cleaner, gardener etc is a choice if applicable.
So I don't understand why these are getting raised as issues

Plus your ability to pay back the loan and savings for any excess fees will be helped more because of the rental saving.

Wow - you've had some very odd responses here OP.
People must have loads of money just waiting to used!
I'm 50 and my dad helps me out when I need it.
They have a money as well and actually like feeling needed occasionally.

You should ask.
You have nothing to lose.
You can pay it back.
They can gift it but just draw up some of your own paperwork outlining that you will pay it back and at what rate.
Don't lose out on a house you love for £4.5K if you can get it elsewhere.
If my future grandchild wanted help in this way then I would happily help out if I could.

@BlunderingIdiot
If you are sure they wouldn't mind you asking then ask. Don't lose the opportunity to buy a house that's perfect for you if have another option.

We've just got the keys to our forever home. First time buyers. We've been renting and saving for a long time. It cost us €30,000 of our savings to buy. Mortgage is €150,000.

We're in the Republic of Ireland and it's usually 10% deposit for first time buyers but we had to give more than that and they will only lend 3.5 times your salary. They took €30,000 off our borrowing capacity because we have a little boy.

Dh is a high earner and I'm self employed. We borrowed on his salary alone but I had to give 3 years certified accounts and 12months bank statements.

It's really really hard to do it alone. We had no choice. If you have potential help, ask for it. The worst thing they can say is no. Buying houses is hard. I hope you get the one you want.

Eh yes op if you have a home you should have savings for repairs as unlike renting when something goes wrong you have to fix it.

Expect you' ll just want to borrow more everytime that happens.

Fund your own lifestyle.

Don't lose your perfect house because of a few opinions on here!

You know your grandparents, if you told them the situation and that you let the house go because you didn't have the extra 4.5k quite yet would they be gutted for you? Would they not jump in to say "you should have told us, we would have helped?"

I really doubt it's a dream house for 140k in an expensive area

I really doubt it's a dream house for 140k in an expensive area

You sound horrible.

Yes, it is OK to ask. We asked to borrow the legal fees from my parents when we bought our house. Houses very rarely come up for open sale in my street and we were just a couple of grand short. We set up a standing order to pay it back and my parents were over the moon that they'd been able to help us buy the house we really wanted rather than one we were a bit 'meh' about.

It isn't the least unusual for families to help each other out in this way and it doesn't mean you'll be round with a begging bowl at every opportunity. Your family know you, they will know that you aren't that sort of a person.

And as I've said already, we rent in an expensive area. I've never once said that's where this house is. If you're desperate to insult me which clearly you are, at least read the thread. You already failed trying to make fun of the 4.5k you thought I'd only managed to save.

I'd ask, they might be annoyed that they weren't given the opportunity to help (I would). My mum and I both gave my dd a substantial amount towards her first house purchase and we'll do the same for my ds next year. I wonder if some people are a bit envious that you have the choice of asking grandparents for help, as not everyone can. Tell them your predicament and see if they offer if you don't want to ask outright.

You sound horrible.

Your story doesn't make much sense.

Help to buy scheme? I think new applications close in 31st if this month.

I've worked since I was 17. I also got help from my grandparents first and then my mum later to buy property. I look forward to doing the same for my DD when the time comes too Yes, I am very fortunate and I'm very grateful for it, but certainly not ashamed in the least - we are a close family and help each other whenever we can. Plus my mum always said she'd rather I have some of my inheritance now, when it's most useful, than in 20-30 years time.