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Original poster

MIL and Staying over night

264 replies

DreadedDIL · 08/10/2019 12:22

Hi,
My son is an only child 60. MIL on own lives around 40 mins away. We are taking her out Xmas eve and then will drop her back home. Xmas day OH will go to hers around 10, will have a little time with her on own, and then come here for dinner. Will take her back around 6.
But... OH feels she should stay poss Xmas eve and Xmas day,
But ... I feel what we do is sufficient. I like my little time Xmas eve after she had gone home, Xmas morning and Xmas day evening. I have my kids still here all adults. And she is not their grand mum. So I have to consider everyone. They don’t want her here either, so I think that is enough of a compromise

OP posts:
Original poster
DreadedDIL · 08/10/2019 12:24

He feels quilty I think, or more he doesn’t want to travel, but I am doing all the cooking and my Xmas doesn’t start till it’s all done and I can relax when she has gone,

Plus he lived on his own for around 5 years, when she was on her own he dropped her back home then. Never felt the need for her to stay. Feel this is more about him and travelling not about MIL.

OP posts:
BrightSpells · 08/10/2019 12:27

I think you're being pretty shit tbh. She's an elderly woman, on her own, it's Christmas. Show some fucking compassion.

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2019 12:27

My son is an only child 60

What does this mean? Whose mother in law?

NoSauce · 08/10/2019 12:28

My son is an only child 60

Sorry what does that mean? If you don’t want her to stay that’s ok although personally I think it would be kind and I’m sure she would appreciate it. It’s only one night throughout the year.

Unless she’s always staying over?

Orchidfeed · 08/10/2019 12:28

That is so awful for your DH (I’m assuming that’s who you meant not yr son) and his mum
How detrimental is it to you for her to stay and not spend most of Xmas alone? I would be very unhappy if my DIL was like this!

GeneHuntLover · 08/10/2019 12:29

Poor woman

NoSauce · 08/10/2019 12:29

Sorry just read your second post. As clear as mud!

Bellasblankexpression · 08/10/2019 12:29

I think you’re being mean OP.

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2019 12:31

Agree it makes no sense as you go on to say "kids " like you have more than one.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 08/10/2019 12:32

So its ok for your adult children to stay but not his mum and he has to travel so therefore cant even have a drink with his Xmas lunch and you think you have compromised. I would either let her stay C6mas eve til boxing day or most definitely stay over Xmas day.

honeybunlatte · 08/10/2019 12:32

You sound thoroughly horrible. And so do your adult children who 'don't want her there'. It's nothing to do with them as presumably they

Frenchfancy · 08/10/2019 12:32

I think you are right. DH doesn't want to drive (perhaps he wants a drink on Xmas day) what about a compromise, you get Xmas eve on your own, he picks her up Xmas morning then she stays over til the 26th.

honeybunlatte · 08/10/2019 12:33

Posted too soon.

Your childrens opinion shouldn't factor into your MIL staying over unless there is some dreadful backstory you're not telling us about how horrible she is etc.

Lovingthesunshine88 · 08/10/2019 12:34

Hope you don't end up with a DIL that's like you.

superking · 08/10/2019 12:34

I think it's fine actually. So she's with you all on the evening of Christmas Eve, goes home overnight, and then with you/ DH from 10-6 on Christmas Day. It sound like a nice balance between giving you a bit of time to yourself, and making sure she is not alone. Unless I've misread completely I'm not sure why you're getting such a hard time.

PlasticPatty · 08/10/2019 12:35

Perhaps your OH could spend Christmas at his mum's, leaving you with your three adult children from previous relationship/s. Fair all round.

PepsiLola · 08/10/2019 12:36

I think OP has a 6 yo child with her current partner, and has adult kids that are not his.

DP is wanting his DM to stay over to save him driving around, and OP doesn't want her to

greeneyedlulu · 08/10/2019 12:36

Wow! The Christmas spirit is alive and well in your family isn't it?

onanothertrain · 08/10/2019 12:36

Unless there's a massive drip feed coming Hmm I think you're being a dick

NoSauce · 08/10/2019 12:36

Christmas is for family time and for putting yourselves out to some degree. You could still have a nice time Christmas Eve/Day with your children and MIL, surely?

How old is MIL?

PepsiLola · 08/10/2019 12:38

I personally wouldn't like the 40min drives either, also I would hate to think of a family member alone.

I feel the comment about your kids not wanting her there is just you wanting backing... your kids are adults, surely they can see us not nice for someone to spend the day alone?

QueenofmyPrinces · 08/10/2019 12:39

I can’t believe what I’m reading!!!

My FIL is on his own so he is spending all day with us - it would never, ever occur to me to consider everything else.

It’s Christmas for God’s sake and you would happily see an old lady spend the day on her own?

Shame on you.

Chocolatelover45 · 08/10/2019 12:39

Current set up sounds reasonable from MiL pov. But it is a lot of driving. I think compromise and she stays over one night only. Your adult children need to be a bit nicer. Maybe they can help out in the kitchen to make it more relaxing for you?

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2019 12:40

I think OP has a 6 yo child with her current partner, and has adult kids that are not his.

She wouldn't say the child was an only child then.

I suspect what she meant to write was her SO as in significant other is an only child, he's sixty and wants his mum to stay Xmas eve and Xmas day to make her involved and stop her being alone, and save him having to do the driving, and she and her kids don't want the lady there.

The spirit of Xmas is alive and well.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 08/10/2019 12:40

I think Maybe she means her partner is an only child, aged 60?

Unless there is some other reason you don't want the MIL to stay, I think it would be the kind thing to do

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