Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and Staying over night

264 replies

DreadedDIL · 08/10/2019 12:22

Hi,
My son is an only child 60. MIL on own lives around 40 mins away. We are taking her out Xmas eve and then will drop her back home. Xmas day OH will go to hers around 10, will have a little time with her on own, and then come here for dinner. Will take her back around 6.
But... OH feels she should stay poss Xmas eve and Xmas day,
But ... I feel what we do is sufficient. I like my little time Xmas eve after she had gone home, Xmas morning and Xmas day evening. I have my kids still here all adults. And she is not their grand mum. So I have to consider everyone. They don’t want her here either, so I think that is enough of a compromise

OP posts:
WagtailRobin · 09/10/2019 23:10

I think both you and your husband are selfish; who would leave their mother alone over Christmas? Dress it up however you fancy but I still think it is very unkind. She's as important as your children are!

glennamy · 10/10/2019 00:25

You come over as a very selfish person through your own words... Merry Christmas!

Damsel · 10/10/2019 00:54

From what you’ve said about your DH, it doesn’t really sound like you like him any more than you like his Mother.

Motoko · 10/10/2019 01:06

Wow, there are a load of nasty people on this thread, and OP isn't one of them. There are also a lot who lack reading comprehension skills, who seem to think the MIL is going to be sitting on her lonesome, all over xmas.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 10/10/2019 01:26

At first I was going to say that you were very unreasonable and heartless until I read your subsequent posts.

Unless there is a relevant medical issue at play then her rudeness to you and your children is unacceptable. Age is not an excuse for horrible behaviour (I am assuming that she has no diagnosis and is not displaying any potential signs of an illness that can affect behaviour such as dementia).

If MIL has always been rude and unfriendly to you and your children then I can understand why you don't want her to stay over. Would it be possible to have an honest and blunt conversation with her? You should also make it clear that you will not host her in your family home at all unless she is at the very least cordial to you and your children. Maybe you can get to the root cause of her apparent dislike of you. I would challenge her behaviour every single time that she is nasty to any family member.

If she knows she wont get away with it and she could potentially be isolating herself from her family she may rethink her attitude.

I absolutely hate the though of people being alone at Christmas but equally one person does not have the right to be nasty and rude and spoil everyone else's time together.

Pierrettelasanguinaire · 10/10/2019 02:13

Why is the old bat coming for Christmas Eve anyway?
Presumably OP - with her non-singing, non-dancing, non-shopping, non-cooking OH - will be busy then. So what does MiL do - sit and watch general busyness? What is the point of that?
Christmas is bad enough, but extending it backward as well as forward is just daft.

pallisers · 10/10/2019 03:09

This thread takes drip-feeding to a whole new level! grin

really? What did the OP add? That MIL was not very nice ? That is a whole new level? you can't have been around MN too long if that is your standard.

pallisers · 10/10/2019 03:13

And actually this thread takes Inability to Read a Post to a new level (can we have word for that like drip feeding?)

The mil hasn't asked to stay.
The mil spends xmas eve and xmas with her family
No sad old lady is on her own for xmas
All of this was in the OP.

Sandii · 10/10/2019 07:57

Of course she should stay . What’s wrong with you ! For someone who likes Christmas you haven’t really got the idea have you ?

CantstopsayingFFS · 10/10/2019 08:15

I can kind of understand it if your MIL is a nasty woman who make you and your kids feel uncomfortable. No one likes to dread Christmas Day but the fact you added it has been your and your kids home for 20 years and that your husband has only been living there for a few years makes me think you married him for the wrong reasons. Do you charge him rent?! The dynamics seem a bit odd.

AutovillaGirl · 10/10/2019 16:29

I think what you are doing is fine OP. You have you MIL over for Xmas Day lunch and also the afternoon and then she goes home early evening. All those being mean to you - how many have their in-law(s) stay over at their house at Xmas? You are definitely not being mean, your OH just doesn't want the drive, but 40 mins is not that long. Also, she is not your children's grandma, so there is not that bond there for them. You are entitled to have what Christmas you want, your MIL has had all her past Christmases how she wanted I'm sure. A lot of elderly are left alone on Xmas day, this lady is collected and taken over for Christmas Day Lunch and then driven back later and people think she is being treated meanly? Crazy.

Nettie1964 · 11/10/2019 18:22

You sound really horrible and uncharitable. It's Christmas ffs get over yourself.

Imnotthrowingawaymyshot · 11/10/2019 18:28

Op only on page 4.

Yes it makes sense to have her stay perhaps one night but on the other hand... She's with you for the two most important days! Hardly abandoned Poor old lady!

She's there Xmas eve and most of Xmas day.
I'd be happy with that personally. Gives op time to collect herself and relax.

LovelyIssues · 13/10/2019 19:25

wow. find your Christmas spirit

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread